As a parent what would you do if your high school son or daughter was failing in school because they didn't

Question

care? What would you think if they told you their goal in life was to have a minimum wage job or live on welfare? What would you do if you couldn't get them to care about their schoolwork and they refused to do it?

Answer 1

I would think that they need a change.  Have you thought about another school or home schooling?  Of course you didn't mention boy or girl.  Some of us girls are set up old-fashioned and don't feel that we need to go to college and have a career.

As far as the welfare, I went through this with my adopted daughter.  I DO homeschool, but she was going through a period of not caring.  After talking about it, it turned out that it was MY fault.  Where we were living welfare was big.  While her father worked, the neighborhood was full of people who didn't.  Their homes were paid for by Section 8, their clothing was give-aways (and they can pick the name brands from the rack), they had snacks upon snacks to eat (because of food stamps), they had more clothing, cell phones, video games, etc.  You see, people who make a career out of welfare have it much better than the rest of us.  Everything is handed to them.  Christmas comes and what those children ask for, they get.  Cute angels on the tree...you didn't see that they also ask for a Wii, and the money that is collected is used to buy those things for the kids.  Everything on their list is given to them.  So these kids see it as a much better life than when we have to say "no".

Of course I got her to understand that they could never have anything of their own.  If they wanted to paint their rooms, they can't, they don't belong to them.  If they want to have a dog, most of the places won't let you have a dog.

Anyway, find out what is going on at school.  There might be something that you don't know about and it's easier to pretend that you want to do nothing than to tell that something is happening.

Answer 2

I am a high school teacher and I do see kids like this.  They don't really mean it when they say that they want a minimum wage job, they want more for themselves but they do not see a way in which they can get it.  Your child probably never did well in school and thus came to the conclusion that he/she is not smart.  He/she might be depressed - I see many depressed teenagers where I teach.  You should arrange an appointment with a school psychologist (every school should have a psychologist ), or a school counsellor.   You may also consider an out-of-school psychologist.  I hope this helps.  Please do not hesitate to email me should you need more advice

Answer 3

This sounds like either a discipline issue or a depression issue.  Sometimes addressing one will address the other.  If that's the life he wants, then give it to him.  Put him to work.  No work, no food.  He has to pull his weight or else.  Cut off air conditioning in his room or put him in the garage.  Make sure his health and safety are not compromised, but also make sure that he's getting exactly what he's asked for.

It's high school.  It's time to grow up.  One hundred years ago, people younger than him had adult lives and prospered...though some did not prosper.  In extreme cases some married and had children of their own one hundred twenty five years ago.  He's got it easy today.  Perhaps it's too easy.

Your last set of options is to set very rigid rules.  Be certain that you can enforce them.  Give him a bed time, a time to get up, a time to eat, and chores.  The bad side is that you have to live by a rigid set of rules just to be able to enforce those rules.  You have to be watching and make sure that he's doing what he's told.  You have to be consistent with consequences to failure to do as instructed.  You have to be consistent with some form of praise when he does "good".

Good luck!  It's tough work, but it beats getting the desired behavior from prescription drugs like anti-depressants.  It also beats him getting on drugs because he thinks you don't care.

Answer 4

You can't force someone to care about their life or their future. I would definitely restrict privileges unitl the grades came up. Also, if for some reason, they hadn't found any motivation by age 18, I would give them a reasonable amount of time...between 30-60 days to get on the right path. That means  they'd need to be in school/college, have gainful employment, or find another place to live.

Answer 5

If they were failing because they didn't care, I would MAKE them care. They would have nothing in their room except a blanket on the floor and one change of clothes, and they would be responsible for doing EVERYTHING themselves. If they still didn't care, they would flunk and I will make them pay for summer school.

Answer 6

Easy as h**l No allowance,No cellphone,No Internet/computer No privileges until they wake up from there mistakes.i have a 17 year old daughter that did that once i cut ted everything from her until further improvement.its worked good luck

Answer 7

I agree with  taking away all privileges -- computer; cell phone; etc.

I also agree with having the son or daughter screened for depression or maybe substance abuse or another underlying issue. I am not sure if this son or daughter would talk to any sort of counselor or therapist but there could be an underlying emotional issue -- something that happened at school to make the son or daughter feel like a failure.

Living on welfare: not happening. At most someone can live on welfare 5 years in a lifetime.  Faking a disability to get SSI: should probably take acting classes because they are slowing way down on accepting people without a very  clear diagnosis -- usually of a physical disability.

Quite honestly whatever the case this may be a situation where the son or daughter has to learn the hard way that the plan is unworkable.

I am sure you were dreaming of the cap and gown graduation in a year or two but maybe they do drop out of high school and get a minimum wage position for a while -- see how they like it. Surely there is a GED or other alternative school program they could return to one day. Or online homeschool for a real high school diploma.

If the child is over 16 I absolutely feel they are old enough to experience the hard knocks to a point. Yes they still live at home but anyone over 16 living at home must work or go to school or preferably both. Charge at least nominal rent but at this point leave some money to be saved. If you are seeing a lot of purchases of designer clothes and CDs and other nonessentials by all means raise the rent saying in the real world minimum wage does not afford these luxuries.

Eventually they will decide to get their diploma and probably even go on to community college. It may not be the Pomp and Circumstance graduation immediately followed by starting at a university that a parent dreams of but it WILL happen.

Another option -- Job Corps. Again not necessarily every parent`s dream but at 16 they can go and finish high school while preparing for a good career. Tell the son or daughter that it is an option if the real problem with high school is that it seems to have no relationship with future life and is increasingly irrelevant. Job Corps is a residential educational program and would give a 16 year old more responsibility and independence -- which it might seem they need the opposite right now but many kids have come into their own in this way and had marketable skills afterward.

Best of luck. I know it is hard.

Answer 8

I would first take them to the doctor for a complete physical, there may be a medical problem such as depression as the underlying factor.