As a recovering alcoholic how do I break it to people that my party days are over?

Question

I'm a little sick of trying to explain/understand that those free-spirited party days of going out and doing things are over. I can't cope with doing things in public, I think that's a reason I was drinking to begin with, to cope with dealing with groups of people. Gatherings, restaurants, bars, events, anything where even casual, informal chit-chat is expected, terrifies the living **** out of me.

Answer 1

Before you are in a position to explain it to others, you may need to explain it to yourself.  

You are in recovery for a reason, presumably because the alcohol wasn't doing your life any favours.

Therefore the loss of the party-life could be viewed as less of a loss and more of your choice to make a better life for yourself.

It is easier to deal with recovery from an addiction if you are able to bring new and worthwhile things into your life to fill the gap that the substance has left.  Ask yourself what you may like to do with your time.  When you find things that fill your life with enjoyable experiences then you wont miss the party life so much.

You will then be in a place to easily explain to people that you don't need to drink because you will be happier that you're not.

As regards your confidence to deal with people.  The problem with alcohol is that it gives 'dutch courage' - which feels great at the time  - but it is only false confidence and fades when the drink does.  True confidence and comfort comes with time, and the more you do the faster it will come.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

Answer 2

New friends...

Sorry but if they don't get it after you explaining several times then they just want a drinking buddy... not a friend. Or else they just don't care.

Been there, done that.

Answer 3

just tell them you're not comfortable right now going on where the crowds are--- your TRUE friends will understand & not try to embarrass you or persuade you to go anyway!

You can't just get rid of the old way of thinking & doing things... without also putting on the NEW way of doing things! I suggest taking up a hobby that will promote positive vibes (such as learning a musical instrument, drawing, etc.) Something that will replace that feeling of wanting recognition.

Maybe you'll have to duck-low for a while with the social scene--- but only 'til you get enough sobriety-time under your belt. Also, try different revenues that you've never sought out b4-- like musuems or hanging out at the local library. Bars and other alcohol-friendly places aren't all the hype that people make them out to be.... there is much more to explore in life & do it with a clear conscious!

Keep up the good work!

Answer 4

The only people that need an explanation are people who are still free-spirited partiers, right? People whose lives don't center around party-ing don't care if your not.  

As far as the social anxiety, I can totally relate. When dealing with other people, put on a "game face" that is by no means fake. Believe in yourself and honor yourself. Your probably just a very private person, and there is nothing wrong with that. If your anything like most private people, your not the "life of the party" type.But take heart! because our type, while not life of the party, those close to us would rather be with us than at any party.  

You CAN handle being around people, you just have to find the right people. You will. Be patient and kind to yourself

Answer 5

Just say it's against your religion. That usually shuts people up. If they know you're NOT religous, tell them it's still against your religion.

Answer 6

See your doctor about the anxiety that you have when mixing with large groups of people as he may be able to refer you to some courses or to a psychologist if it is significant.

Simply explain to your friends that you do not drink as you would like to get your life together and most people will respect that.  If they dont, then let them know that you have joined the AA and drinking is no longer something that you want to do.

Answer 7

i think what you are trying to say is being around crowds of people,yes,and maybe the reason for the drinking back then was to feel relaxed,to fit in,so it didn't bother you as much to being around people.If i find i have to go anywhere i bring my portable CD player with me,as this distracts me and takes my mind off of the people who might be around.

Answer 8

Maybe see a doctor for anxiety?

You don't have to explain anything - just tell them you don't want to drink. If they say "just one" then say you've already had one. If they keep asking then insist you don't want to drink. Maybe say you can't cos you're driving. After about the third time they should give up. And if you have some friends that just keep badgering you then try to avoid them in situations where drinking is prominent - it'll just give them an excuse to pressure harder.

Answer 9

People, Places and Things. Learn to avoid those who do not respect your sobriety.  It is hard, but it must be done if you are to stay sober.