As a religious person, how far can the government restrain our disciplinary actions?

Question

We follow the christian bible as far as our children go. That includes one swat only when needed. I think this & last month there was one swat given out of four children. We are going through the ringer now because of our methods. Which are: a warning, 2 discipline tickets, and one read discipline ticket which is the swat. We give much praise, since children naturally want to please their parents. Also they get rewards for doing things when they aren't asked. We also have a schedule so they know what is expected of them. At night we have an hour open for anyone needing to get a "bug" off their minds.

Basically my visitor wants only warnings and a timeout if I've told them the same thing 30 times over.

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with spanking. Just dont physically abuse your child. And if you cant tell what the difference is then you shouldnt do either until you seek some sort of guidence.

Answer 2

As far as I know, it is not illegal to "spank" your child in any state in the United States of America.  I suggest you do a little research for your particular state to make sure.  If you truly are only spanking, then there should be no issues.  You never state who your "visitor" is.  If its a family member or friend, tell them to mind their own business and continue doing what works best for your family.  If its someone from the states child protection services, I suggest you ask for documentation about what they consider "child abuse".  After getting that information, you can decide if you need to reconsider your form of discipline.

Answer 3

Rainwriter says things so well!  The only thing that I want to add is a link to an article on the Gentle Christian Parenting website, which explains, quite beautifully, how the bible does not, actually, endorse spanking.  http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/ar...

Answer 4

consider a parenting class to learn some other options.  rewards aren't necessary & nor are spankings in most situations.

Answer 5

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.Correct your child how you see fit.It also isn't illegal to spank in most, if not all states.I really do not think the government should have any kind of say in the way anyone raises their children.

Answer 6

Hi! My husband and I also follow what the Bible says regarding raising children!  From what I have learned (in different classes I've taken) it is not illegal to spank. However, if the spanking leaves a mark (say a bruise or a red mark that does not go away) and that mark is then seen by someone else-say a daycare worker, for example, then you can be charged with child abuse. However, I would advise that you double check your states laws regarding this. I have to admit that whoever is charging you with this had to have either seen something happen or seen a mark in order for them to even consider abuse, otherwise they should be consdered out of line. I will say though, that marks or not, most states seem to be against spanking so do exercise discernment (as you seem to be doing) but also stand up for your rights. Sounds like you are on the right track though! Keep up the good work with your kids!

Answer 7

From personal experience I say that a smacked back side is the best way for children to learn to behave.

When I was young me and 3 of my brothers and my sister all got a smacked bum if we were naughty and we learned to behave and still behave ourselves now. However in the UK it is now illegal to hit a child and so my other 2 brothers who were born after this law was passed have had no smacked bums and instead have been sent to the "naughty corner" and you can tell the difference in behavior and respect for parents between having had smacked bums and not. (the kids who are sent in the corner or for time out as you call it, are nowhere near as well behaved).

As long as you are not really hurting the children like bruising them or breaking the skin or anything I feel that a smacked bum is the most effective punishment you can give.

Quite frankly I think they should bring back the cane in schools. Kids know that the teachers cant do anything and they will take advantage of that. Taking the right of the parent to smack their children will only produce the same sort of lack of respect that is rife in schools today.

Answer 8

Tough c**p! The visitor is not the parent, and you are not abusing your children. Ignore the busy body and raise your children as you see fit.

Answer 9

Dont listen to other people Do what you believe

Answer 10

I'm so sorry, but you have no clue how to discipline.  All warnings do is teach your child that you won't do anything to them when they do something wrong.  Say a 4 year old knows he is not allowed to throw his toys.  He has had this limit since he was little and knows that he shouldn't.  When you see him do it you give him a warning, then later you actually do something about it.  You are teaching him that tomorrow he can throw his toys once and get away with it.  You'll give him a warning and he will stop.  It's like telling him 'it's okay, throw your toys.  I won't do anything to you the first time.'  It isn't very effective.

Time outs also aren't good forms of discipline unless you do them correctly, which I doubt you are (most parents don't).  Time outs were *never* meant to be a form of punishment.  They were supposed to be a break from a situation for both child and parent to calm down, gain perspective, and then resolve the problem.  Do you really think that a child sits in time out thinking "Oh, I guess it was silly of me to throw my toys.  Someone can get hurt or I might break something if I throw my toys.  Why did I throw them then?  I know I shouldn't throw toys and I won't throw them again"?  Of course they don't.  They sit in time out thinking "Man, I wish mom wouldn't have caught me throwing toys.  I wasn't going to hurt anything.  We were just playing.  She even gave me a warning the first time, which means that it really isn't that bad.  If it was really a bad thing to do she wouldn't have given me a warning.  Man, I really am upset that Mom put me in time out.  She just doesn't get it.  I don't understand why.  Ugg.. time out's almost over.  Now she's going to make me apologize, even though I'm not sorry.  If I tell her the truth that I'm not sorry I have to stay here, so she wants me to lie.  Okay, time to lie and say I'm sorry."  That's what happens when time outs go well.  Since kids don't understand why they're in time out (they don't get the logical connection between time out and what they did wrong because there isn't one) it is confusing to them and they often will fight it and try to gain back control.  If you're kids don't, it doesn't mean that time outs are working.

Discipline tickets?  I'm not even going to go there.  Discipline is about teaching your children the right things to do by teaching them why they do it.  It's much more effective to teach that they need to do their chores or the kitchen will get messy and dirty than it is to teach them to do their chores because it's what you want or they will be in trouble if they don't.  Showing them how they helped make the kitchen clean, how it smells good, looks nice, is easier to cook and eat in, and reminding them that it is because of them is a much more effective reward than your praise or any other reward.

How far can the state go in restraining your disciplinary actions?  They are perfectly justified in telling you that you can't hit your children.  If you say you're not hitting because you just swat them and it doesn't hurt, I bet that it isn't a very effective punishment.  What do you think you're child is thinking?  I had better listen to mom or she is going to swat my butt.  It doesn't hurt, and she isn't mad when she does it, but I definitely don't want her to do that"?  If it doesn't hurt, you aren't upset, and you're doing it to say "if you don't listen I'll swat you", I bet that your kids don't really try hard to avoid it.