As a teacher, how do you deal with constant bad-mouthing from students?

Question

As a teacher, how do you deal with constant bad-mouthing from students whether they say it about you to your colleagues or to your face? I'm so sick of the degrading, ignorant, asinine comments that come out of the mouth of my students; comments directed towards me.

To top it off, I work with a bunch of teachers that seem to base their self-worth on whether or not students 'like them'....thus, they act like there is something wrong with a teacher who does not have the best rapport with students. It annoys the h**l out of me.

Please don't tell me I should switch careers or I am not fit for teaching or whatever, because to be honest, it is a calling for me, and I've worked so hard to get where I am. I'm not about to let a bunch of snide remarks ruin it for me.

I'm just looking for ways to IGNORE these comments and not let them get to me so much. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am extremely sensitive.

Answer 1

You'll find plenty of ideas at a free site put together by teachers for teachers at www.alternativeeducationbible.com

Answer 2

Doesn't your school have a disclipline policy that you are suppose to follow?

''Unfortunately (and to answer someone's question), there is no real discipline policy at my school. The fact that administration allows the students to get away with so much (and rarely punishes the students for even grave offenses) is one of the reasons why there is such an overwhelming amount of disrespect and poor behavior from the students.''

Answer 3

Stay to your true calling, I believe you are a great teacher! As far as the children with the mouths  that should stay shut until spoken to, just wait until you get back into your class room everyone is sitting down in their seats waiting to hear what you have to say: tell them that you are going to hand your class over to the one(or ones) that thinks they are too smart to be in this class, and would wish to leave so before this can happen, say to this students(call them out by name)today you are going to be the teacher but there are stipulations to this and they are:1.) You have to stay on (whatever you were going to teach that day),such as questions for the class,2.) tomorrow they(the students and THEM  the teachers for that day) will have a test on what they learned on that day,3.) Since they think they are smarter than you ok, you teach the class on (whatever you were going to teach that day), and if youu see that there is no learning from your students on this day, that you guess drastic actions will have to be taken, if it turns out the way (IPRAY IT DOES), then they only needed attention, if it isn't the way of it, then you'll have to take drastic actions such as:bring slander actions against the said child(or children)but its also going against the parents,for not discipling their children, then there's another way (but I believe you [definitely need parents permission] YOU WOULD HAVE MINE! Dawn Dish Liquid you  know about it!? And a infant's spoon,this is I guess what you would be asking the parents of these boys; and mam before you do ask (NO MAM IT WILL NOT HURT THEM, JUST MAKE THEM ALITTLE SICK)you need to explain to the parents what they are doing to you in your class, tell them you let them teach your class(whatever day), that didn't help, so instead of having to go on with your plans for action suit against them(the parents & children), may I do this first{with your permission] put a drop of dawn dish liquid in an infant's spoon and give it to your children [in front of you]? And make them swallow it! So, the next time these children decide to use their mouths against you again, in or out of the classroom, they'll know what will happen, leave a small bottle of DAWN LIQIUD on your desk, for a reminder!To these children,, and stipulate to the parents [in front of the children that if this happens again, you have their permission to do do the same thing again! I did this to my son for his mouth19 yrs,ago and he still remembers! And yes, it took care of the problem, and NO MAM IT DID NOT HURT THE CHILD( just his ego!!! If the parents do not allow this to happen for their sakes, and yours,and theirs, then go ahead with the slander suit! But tell the parents you wanted to try this first before the suit!They may not be A students after that,but will be pretty close, because they will start to think that you're not messing around, and won't take the guff they were trying to shovel you and will change a 365 degree turn, and it never hurts to pray for an answer! But stay with your calling! I'm sure you're a fantastic teacher!!!!Even if you could ignore them the other students can't, and they come to school to learn.These kids have no right messing up these student's wanting to learn.

Answer 4

This might help, try to consider the source of these comments.  I bet they are the poorer students who are really not so important that you should care.  You might try private schools for the future where students may be better behaved.

Answer 5

Ignoring comments made to you or in your presence is the wrong way to handle the problem.  You have no control over what may happen in other parts of the building, but you do have control over your classroom.  Proper disciplinary measures should already be in place at the building level for disrespect and insubordination.  I would suggest that you use those.  Depending on the nature, length, and severity of the behaviors, change may be slow (as you know if you have taught for a while).

I would also recommend that you talk to the student's counselor.  Sometimes, there are situations outside of your classroom that cause students difficulties inside your classroom when something that you do innocently triggers the behavior.  Counselors sometimes have information that is not shared with teachers that might give a clue as to why the behavior is occurring.

Certainly, repetitive behaviors should involve the school administration.

As for the teachers who believe that their self-worth should be determined by the opinions of their students, they are part of the problem, not the solution.  But, you have no control over them.  So, you need to let that part go.  Eventually, they will become mature teachers in their own rights.

In the final analysis, however, you need a thick skin to be a teacher.  Handle the discipline problems, but don't let them tell you your self-worth.  If you do that, you have no room to complain.   And, that would be the time to think about a career change.

Answer 6

I'm not sure what's going on.  I know that it is a big mistake for teachers to worry about whether students like them or not.  But, in my experience, you can be incredibly strict with kids and as long as they can see that you are also fair and that you enjoy being there, the rest falls into place.  As teachers, we have all had students get mouthy or disrespectful, but if this is an on-going problem with more than one student, you need to look at what's going on.  I don't mean pander to them.  They will not respect that.   But what is causing them ---not to dislike you--but to not respect you?  Because it doesn't sound like they do.  I hope you don't take offense to this because I find that in order to do my job well, I have to do a lot of reflecting on who I am in that room.  We can't change the kids.  We can set high standards in terms of work and behavior--thereby setting the stage for students to make the changes they need to make for themselves.  Ignoring the comments might work for a time, but there is a basic lack of respect here and your students cannot do their best learning from someone they don't respect.  You need to look at what is causing the disconnect between you and your students.  Don't be fooled.  Rapport matters.

Answer 7

This may not be the answer you want to hear, but you may want to look for a teaching job at a different school.  

I know that just about every teacher's first year was bad, but mine was really a nightmare...I cried in my office every day b/c I hated my life!  I even wondered if I made the right career choice.  I got a new job in a different district, and I now love my job, and my students (most of the time)!  I had my doubts about my classroom management skills (which have improved exponentially), and did not feel like I was very effective.  Once I got into a school, district, and community that was a better fit for me, I felt much better and am now realizing my potential as a teacher.   Perhaps a better teacher than I could have really thrived in the situation I was faced with my first year, but being a first year teacher, I did not have the tools to make it work.  

I, too, and an emotional and sensitive person, so I understand how you feel.  When I got overwhelmed my first year, sometimes I had to take a moment to remove myself from the situation to let out a string of curses under my breath, and then I could re-enter the situation with a calm demeanor.  Even now, when students start to get to me, I'll take a moment to take some deep breaths to compose myself.  The comment you got about not taking it personally is very true, and very important to keep in mind.  Much of the time when students are acting out, it has little to do with you as a person, or even as a teacher.  There are other aspects of this kid's life that are manifesting themselves as this bad behavior.  Try to remember that and let it roll off your back.  Ignoring the comments is a good idea - ignoring the behavior is not.  Be sure to punish the behavior and take care of that as soon as you can.  If students see that you don't tolerate the poor behavior, they will be less inclined to act that way, and these moments will occur less frequently.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I don't think it is a good idea to ignore it because by doing that you are giving it consent, but also don't embarrass the kid in front of the class either.  I think the comments need to be dealth with.   Those students are usually the ones who need the most help and are insecure and angry. I would never allow the comments to go on. I would first point out that it is rude and not okay, then I would give the student a detention, then I would send the student out of the class, then I guess I would conference with the discipline headmaster for some ideas, maybe get the parents involved (sometimes that works).  But have you asked yourself why these students are making these remarks?  If students know that they can walk over you, they will. But remember, respect goes both ways. If you respect them, they will respect you. Maybe you should look at teaching in a private school.  I always said that I wasn't in school to be their best friend, but I did try to find out why I was triggering their comments.  Sometimes it is their age, and sometimes it is other things.  Good luck

Answer 9

Being older than many of the teachers, I have had to deal with this more than usual. First of all, you do need to develop some rapport with students. But even with that, there are always those wiseguys who like to be the cool kid and push buttons. Don't put up with it. It doesn't matter about popularity, except for very immature adults who are more invested in that kind of thing. Try not to take things personally and do take a direct route to confronting kids calmly when they say something offensive. If your school has a behavior plan, but it in place and take appropriate steps. I have an index card for each students and if I noticed off task or disruptive behavior I note that so I have documentation should the need arise. If the behavior is truly out of control, see what your state organizations have to offer in terms of removing disruptive students from class. But I warn you, you MUST document.

Answer 10

understand that students go through a lot hormonally and socially and its easy/convenient for them to take out their frustrations on teachers and parents. its just something that kids do, if other teachers look down on you because you seem to be the unfortunate target of these students bad attitude then maybe you should question the type of people THEY are. as a teacher, you can't let your students judgements affect you and how you treat them/teach them...the students with the worst attitudes are usually the ones that need you to be the teacher that rises above it more than anything else.

so i guess my answer is, instead of feeling hurt by these students, understand they are the hurt ones and it is your job to help them in ways that you can...even if that means by simply ignoring how they act and still serving them a big dose of kindness...honestly, if i were your colleague and saw these students act like this to you, i would respect you a great deal more to see you turn the other cheek because you are the adult.

you might try talking to the parents and finding out what could be causing these students to act out like they seem to do...maybe they really are just hurting and feeling unheard. maybe they are just brats. and either way, the best thing you can do is not react to rudeness and blow off the teachers that care, because they are just as immature as the students with bad mouths.

Answer 11

You can't ignore. You need to have consequences. If a kid is bad mouthing you or talking back or being disrespectful, they should be suspended, end of story! I hope you have an administrator who backs you up.

Answer 12

whenever they give you lip give the kid detention and the class a pop quiz. the kid will learn his lesson and the class will fall into place.

Answer 13

What's needed here is classroom discipline.  First two offenses -- detention.  Third offense -- go see assistant principal.  Assistant principle gives a week's detention or a work detail.  Fourth offense -- go see principal.  Principal says, "Go home.  Do not come back without your parents."

Speaking of parents, you should have the email address of every parent of every kid in every class.  On occasion, you should pick up your laptop and email the kid's mother right then and there.

Answer 14

Your last sentence says it all.  BUT you should speak to your students about respect IMMEDIATELY; if they cross the respect boundary, you call them down on it (in front of the class); next time, you call their parents; last time (and every subsequent time), you send them to the office and exclude them fromt that class period.  As a professional, you don't have to put up with that c**p from ANYONE - student, another teacher, administrator.

Answer 15

Isn't the first rule of teaching "don't take it personally"?  I'm a teacher, and I think your problem is that you ignore the comments.  Silence is consent.  if you don't say anything, they think it's ok to behave that way.  It's like if they're all cheating and you say nothing, they're going to continue to cheat, until you start to make examples out of students.  

I believe you can be a great teacher w/o being their best friend, but I do believe that students must like you to a certain extent.  You should try this year to laugh with them, so they see appropriate ways to have "fun" in class.  I make odd connections to the text based off things from TV.  It may not be funny to them, but they see I'm real and I'm trying, so I don't get treated poorly b/c they see me as a person, not an ice queen.  

On day 1 (and for the first few weeks--you know all this, I'm just reminding you!) set the standard that everyone's opinion is important, but it's not if it degrades someone else.  We share journals, and even though they are personal, if a kid volunteers to read aloud and it uses someone's name in a negative light, they will be punished.  I take off their participation points for the day.  I put a little mark by the seating chart that I keep on my podium.  Sometimes I forget to keep up with it, but as long as the kids see you make a mark, they get scared and no one else will say/do that.  

As for bad-mouthing, I can typically tell on day one who is going to be the class fool.  I call that kid's parent that day and telll them how great class was and how I'm looking forward to working with the kid.  the parent is speechless, and the kids comes in the next day asking you why you did that, and they typically tell other kids that was pretty cool.  

This doesn't happen often for these kids, so they don't know how to interpret your kind behavior.  

Ok. I'm almost done.  Rude comments directed toward you--sometimes you must learn to laugh at yourself. Do they see you as someone who thinks she's perfect and makes no mistakes?  If so, stop it; nobody likes that person.  When you mess up, admit it; laugh it up and move on.  You need to tell colleagues not to allow this.  I don't allow it; I usually know who they're talking about, but they need to know not to condone the behavior in kids.  

If they continue to say mean things toward you, take them out in the hall and ask them why they're doing it.  Call home.  Write a referral to a counselor or someone they can talk to, before writing them to the principal.  

there's a lack of communication somewhere, so you must bridge that this year.  Good luck.  Let me know if any of this helps!  Let them know you're sensitive; my kids know what bugs me, and what hurts my feelings.  Maybe on the first day, do one of those get to know me activities where you can divulge this info.  LET THEM KNOW this is your calling, and you'll be damned if you let them run you out!  Once they know you care, it'll be a different ballgame.