As an AP or PAP what are some of the positive things you learned from the adoptees here. ?

Question

I learned:

1) It is no reflection of my parenting that my son wants to know his f-Mother.

2) Even though my son was abused/neglected, he still loves his f-parents.

3) My son will most likely never have access to his records.

4) Changing a child's name is taking away their identity

5) Birth mother is an offensive term to many.

Answer 1

Hi Heather,

1)Adoptees have two families and should NOT have to choose between them.

2)The gravity of loss adoptees feel.

3)Adoptees are the only US citizens not to have access to OBC's.

4)Coercion still exists in adoption.

5)Poverty alone is not enough of a reason to separate mother and child.

6)In general, there is a huge lack of understanding and support to the unique experience adoptees go thru.

Thank you for the question:)

Answer 2

1. An adoptee can experience adoption-related loss, which has nothing to do with their feelings toward their adoptive parents.

2. A better understanding (resulting in a change of my opinion) regarding open record adoptions.

3. Birth Mother is an offensive term and should never be used to apply to someone who has not actually relinquished.

4. An adoptee can have bad feelings about adoption and not have a bad childhood or bad adoptive parents.  

5. Many states have laws in place that end-around a father's right to parent his child.

6. There is another side to pre-birth matching that differs from the explanation given to PAPs, meaning that it empowers the pregnant woman.

Great question.  Have a star.

Answer 3

1)  Some have had good experiences and some have not.  (makes me want to make the experience as positive as possible for both my adopted daughters)

2)  Some wish to know about their past and some do not.  (allows me to make sure I have gathered as much information as possible in the event that either daughter wants to know more.  It may not answer all of their questions but it will be a start IF they want it).

3)  There are no generally accepted terms for those who bring someone into the world vice those who raised a child.  (I choose to use "bio parents" over f-parents since that implies, to me at least, that the people actually parented before my adopted parents did...which was not the case for me personally)

4)  No adoption system, foreign or domestic, is perfect and improvements can and should always be made.

5)  Yes, my daughter may not ever have access to her records (but at the same time I realize that there are more parties then just her involved and those other parties may want privacy as much as she wants info hence my point #2)

6)  When it comes to adoption, one can focus on loss or one can focus on gain.  The level at which you do this is up to you and nobody else.

Answer 4

cool question!

I just wanted to say, your child WILL have access to his records... its just a matter of time until they're opened. It will be in our lifetime.

:)

Answer 5

[It is no reflection of my parenting that my son wants to know his f-Mother.]

That is absolutely, completely, positively true.

Way to go for realizing that!! =)

Answer 6

the reasonable, happy adoptees have taught me a few things.

But I have learned nothing from the ones that are continually talking about how awful people are for adopting.

They are accomplishing nothing.