As an Adult Adoptee, what single piece of advice would you give to a young adoptee regarding adoption?

Question

Thank you for your time:)

Answer 1

Don't let anyone else tell you how you "ought" to thing, feel, react or act with regard to your relinquishment, adoption, reunion and relationship with first family.  

How you define your family is your business.  If you want to say that you feel that your real mother is your adopted mother, that's your business.  If you want to call your first mother your real mother, that's your business.  If you want to call all four of your parents your real parents, that is your business.  

Adopted people have unique family scenarios, and no one else can tell us how to define those.  It's very personal, and it is something that we define.  That definition is also something that can change over time, but that is also up to us.

You have a right to know the truth of your origins, just like any non-adopted person.  Being adopted doesn't mean we have to settle for any less than non-adopted persons in terms of the truth and in terms of rights.

Answer 2

You have two sets of parents - that's your reality - you are allowed to feel however you want to feel about either set.

You are allowed to search out that part of you you don't know about - if you so wish.

No one should ever make you feel grateful for your very existence - you had absolutely no say in any of it.

ETA: me thinks suzy sunshine is an agency troll - as any real adoptee would never actually tell another adoptee to use proper adoption language - instead they would be trying more to enpower the adoptee - rather than telling them what's right or wrong.

PPPFFFFTTTTTTT!!

An adoptee can use whatever language they choose.

It's about them.

They've lived it.

They've been told what to think and say their whole lives.

Answer 3

Don't let anyone tell you that you owe your birth parents anything. They made the chose to give you up at lest most of the time. So if you want to see them or have a relationship with them that should be your chose not theres or anyone else's. You are not a mistake you are special and never let anyone tell you differently.

Answer 4

You don't have to choose between your families... you can love them all.

Answer 5

I would say:

1. You are not alone. There are many adopted people out there in this world.

2. It is okay to wonder about your biological family.

3. Do not be afarid to be different. You do not have to be just like your adoptive family, you can be you.

4. Do not let anyone make you feel gulity if you decide to search for your biological family.

5. Do not let adoption define you as a person. It is only a part of your life.

6. It is okay to be angry. Embrace it and once you do it is easier to let go of it.

7.Seek out adoption support groups in your area. Sometimes having other people to talk to in your situation can help.

8. Seek out birth mother support groups. Seeing what these woman may feel, can help you see what your first mother went through when she made the decision to put you up for adoption.

9. It is okay to be sad. Just don't dwell on it.

10. Do research on adoption. Sometimes it helps to understand a subject before you can confront it.

11. Lastly, love yourself. You are you. Don't let others bring you down.

Answer 6

Don't allow anyone to dictate to you how to think or how to feel.

Answer 7

There are others out there who feel just like you, they're adopted too, and they understand.  

Answer 8

You are not alone, there are thousands of other adoptees out there to talk to. You could even form a group yourself to talk about issues that only you really know first hand and know that you won't be judged etc.

Don't be afraid to confront your parents if you have issues, talk to them, they may be very open to you, they may not, but don't hold back, it is your right. YOu have the right to know the truth.

If you are struggling with confusing feelings or identity issues also don't be afraid to seek help from a professional (doctor/phychologist) who can help you resolve any issues you have.  

Answer 9

Your adoption is your business but people are very curious about it. A lot of people who aren't touched by adoption honestly believe that it is a big deal and that you don't relate to your family the way that they do. If you can, take the time to explain it to people in terms that they understand. Help them learn appropriate adoption language and answer their questions. Some day one of them may really benefit from knowing how adoption works.

To My Terrifically Misguided Accuser: How sad that you would suggest that because we view adoption differently I have to be 'trolling' or posting some sort of propaganda. The effort to teach the media, educators an individuals positive adoption language is hardly part of an agency agenda, though good agencies certainly support the initiative. I'm not sure why anyone involved in the triad would come out against respectful adoption language, but rather than speculate about your roll I'll just shrug and consider you an individual with a unique viewpoint.