As an adoptee, are you happy? ?

Question

With all the negativity surrounding this category, I really want to know.

As an adoptee, are you happy ? Have you ever been happy? And why?

Answer 1

yes, overall i am happy with my life. i was born to fantastic people that had awful problems back then.

i was adopted by the real life ward and june cleaver, spoiled and loved.

but i never fit in with them. i was very off from their calm and demure personalities. but they tried to understand me and loved me no matter what.

i hate the adoption laws, how i can not get my personal info or that it is considered acceptable to lie to everyone involved

i have found my bio parents and adore them. they turned out just fine, a far cry from where they were at my birth.

happy? absolutely. 100% supportive of the adoption process? not even close

Answer 2

I couldn't be happier. My grandparents adopted me when they found out my mom was going to give me up. I'm so grateful they did. I mean my life could be totally diffrent right now, I got lucky and know my family. They raised me right and I know my birth mom, she has stayed in the picture. I'm not married with kids of my own and life couldn't be better.  

Answer 3

I think that my life turned out better than it would have. My birthmom is a cool person, but she was far from ready to raise me when she had me.

My adoptive parents took me to museums and the theatre and I saw a lot of the world because of them.  

Answer 4

As a former foster kid, no I am not happy.  

Sometimes I get confused because part of me wishes I had been adopted..to have had the chance for anyone to give a c**p about me.  But would I have been happy then?  I don't know.  

There is something about always feeling alone and knowing that your bio-parents did not care.  I don't know if adoptees feel that too, but as a former foster kid, I feel that everyday and it makes me sad.  I often wonder what the point of living so sad is...but there must be something.

EDIT:

How on earth can you give a thumb's down to my own PERSONAL feeling of happy or sad?  Give me a ******* break....Are you giving me a thumb's down because I am sad.  People have emotions and they are not yours.

Answer 5

We're only as happy as we allow ourselves to be, I think.

I was adopted August 18, 1972.  I had no name for 6 weeks..which is fine. Not that important, just weird.  Baby X is what they called me..who?  I have no idea.  I wish I had a sense of who I am though.  Like, I have no idea what my heritage is, I have no idea if I have siblings. The woman and man (they were married I think, and getting divorced) have no idea that they have 2 beautiful granddaughters.  

Every time I go to the doctor or dentist I have to fill out papers about my family medical history..and I have to leave it blank because I simply have no idea. This, of course, also affects my daughter's medical forms as well.  

My adoptive parents were great and provided very well for me. I don't remember ever not knowing that I was adopted and I think that's important.  It's not something to hide from your kids.  I wish though, that there was more information available to us so that I could know a little about myself.   I love my adoptive ( my real parents in my eyes )dearly but I never really felt like I was like them.  I guess it's just the life of an adoptee. Good Luck to you..best wishes.

Answer 6

I'm sorry that you've had to read so many extremist rants in one little place!

I was adopted. I'm very happy about it. I have a wonderful family and am certain that adoption was the right path for me.

I'm very fortunate that my state has maintained my privacy and would not think of disrupting my life and breaking a legal contract with my birth mother by opening our records.

When you adopt, take some quiet time alone to bond as a family, don't introduce friends and relatives for a week or two. Above all things honor your family. Know that your children will be fine. Listen to them and talk about adoption but do not expect or create problems where none exist.  

Answer 7

I'm not an adoptee. I'm a person who was adopted. Being adopted does not define who I am. I was never introduced to people as the "adopted kid" and I love my family. Am I grateful for being adopted? Absolutely. Not because I feel my parents are saints and that they saved me from whatever, but because I visited a few girls (who weren't adopted) from the home I was sent to after my birth parents died and man, their lives turned out really crappy. I got a mother, a father, and siblings, I got to have someone take care of me when I was sick, when I had chickenpox, and they didn't. They don't have anything, and I think that's sad. Some of them try to have s*x to find love, and a couple have kids because they wanted desperately to have someone to love and to love them back.

I am happy. I am a person who is content with my life, with my family. They're not my adoptive family, they're just my family. When I was a little older I met my biological grandparents, cousins, and uncles, and they're nice people and everything, but I don't feel as connected to them as I do to the people who raised me. When I turned 18 I had access to my records, though - it's a little different in Israel.

Answer 8

I am absolutely happy with my life growing up as a child and today. I am proud to be adopted and if I had just one chance to say anything to my birth mother it would be.... Thank You! I am sure this decision was the hardest thing you've ever had to do but you loved me enough to give me the chance at a better home and life than you thought you could ever give me.

Answer 9

Can you elaborate a little more on "happy" i mean, happy with life in general? Yes

Happy with my family? Yes

Happy with adoption? absolutely NOT.  

Answer 10

As an adoptee I have accepted what has happened.  Which for me is the loss of an amazing, educated, wealthy family, to be raised by the opposite in my adoptive family.

I am grateful that I have been in a reunited relationship with my mother for over 20 years.

I am happy with my husband and children, the only thing that has dulled my adoptive childhood.

Good luck.

Answer 11

yes, i'm happy. i love my adoptive parents.

What most adoptees who say they are happy, label happy as: you must hate your birth mother, you must not seek any reunion with her, you must not want reforms that benefit all who are involved with adoption(meaning adoptive parents and the adoptee). To them this is what a happy adoptee should be.

If you speak up about reforms i.e open records, seeking reunion with birth mother, tighter guidelines for international adoptions, then it means you are "anti-adoption".

I have found on here that the ones who complain that the angry adoptees who rant and are negative, are just as mean!

Answer 12

Happy about what, exactly?

About losing my family?  Not particularly.  

About other things?  Sure.  

As for advice, here's some reading suggestions for you:

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

Answer 13

Sure, I'm happily married with a gorgeous little family.    I have close relationships with both my adoptive and natural parents, friends and a good life.

I'm not so happy about sealed records that stigmatize adoptees and deny those who want to know the truth of their origins.  

I'm not so happy about the mothers who carried and gave birth to a child never getting a chance knowing what became of that child.

And I'm not happy about the unethical way infant adoption is practised in the USA

But those things are not my whole life, just a portion of it LOL

Have a happy day ;)

Answer 14

I was adopted at 6 weeks and I have always been happy. I know for a fact that I am better off than if I had stayed with a family in chaos.  My birth family contacted me at 27 yrs old and I want nothing to do with them.  Quite frankly I have a family that I love and I do not need another.

Answer 15

I am so glad you asked this question, because the past few days there has been a lot of confusion about the fact that you can be unhappy about something that happened,  a loss, or a problem and STILL be generally pleased with your life.  

For instance, I am unhappy that my nephew lost his mother, that his father abandoned him, that the foster system pretty much has sucked.  I am passionate about our experience and I'm angry about what has happened.  BUT I am generally really happy with my life, my family, my community.  Grief, anger, pain, joy happiness are not exclusive emotions, they coexist at the same time for all of us.   No one would argue that a person can't mourn the death of a loved one forever, yet still go on to lead a happy life.  Why don't people get this with adoption?

To call people "nut jobs" as some have recently done on here, or to somehow imply those who speak up or express anger and grief lead miserable lives is just ridiculous, stupid actually.  I am happy with my life.  My adoption put me on a different course and for me it came out ok, others weren't so lucky.  I respect that.  Ya, I'm happy with the way it came out, but I'm also sad (as I have recently learned) that someone had to suffer as a result of all I've gained.  Can't I be both?

Answer 16

Happy? - Sure. In fact I'm a very happy person.

Am I happy how adoption is currently carried out in many countries - no.

Am I happy that people block grown adults from obtaining information about themselves - so they can seek out their links and their history - no.

Do I love my adoptive family - yes - absolutely - luckily they were/are a very loving and caring family.

Did I always want to know the family I was born to -yes.

I am also unhappy that my adoptive mother didn't allow me to talk about my adoption - because it upset her. Sadly she was told that I was completely hers - like an ownership deal - which many were told in the 60's. (and sadly many still believe such things today)

I have two sets of parents. That is my reality.

I love both for many and varied reasons.

If I was not adopted - and my parents died - and I was later taken care of by relative - I would still want to know who my bio parents were.

it's human nature.

No one should be allowed to tell me not to love either set of parents (or worse - ask me to be grateful for being adopted)

That is a decision only I can make.

Adoptee's don't ask to be taken from one family and then placed with another.

Those decisions were made by adults.

Adoption is an extremely complex issue - just like life.

There is no black and white.

It's all varying shades of grey.

Advice - read widely from those that have been adopted - the adoptee.

Blogs, books, articles.

Always honour a child's links to their bio family - as they are a huge part of him/her.

If you dishonour those links - you are sending messages to that child that they are 'wrong'.

ETA: just saw your added comment.

My mother was forced into relinquishing me - by her mother - and by society at the time.

Would I have had as good a life as now - who can say - but I do know that my parents went on to marry - and have 3 more kids - and they all went to private schools and University - as I did.

They are all married - as I am - and all have kids - as I do.

The difference - adoption forced us to live our lives unknown to one another - and that's a sad thing. It's very hard to make up for 30+ years - just because adults and a piece of paper have deemed that you now belong to another family.

It's hard growing up not looking like those around you - having different traits - different talents. It's hard on a child's emotional and psychological well being. It makes it hard to gain a better sense of self - when you know not where you came from.

I've succeeded in life - despite my adoption.

Again - it's an extremely complex issue.

I wish you well.

Answer 17

Yes, I'm very happy. I don't know why, I just am. I have a great family and a happy life.  

Answer 18

Yes, of course.

I have a good family, a good education, a sibling that I love dearly and a good home.

Answer 19

Like other people, adopted persons can dislike something but still be generally happy people in their lives.  I'm happy as a person in general, and enjoy a fine family, job, friends, hobbies and the like.  

However, I don't like many things about the laws and practices of adoption in the U.S.  For example, I do not like that 44 states do not treat adopted adult citizens equal to non-adopted citizens under the law.

I did not like not knowing my whole history, or the people in it, as a child.  I am glad to have reunited with my first family.

ETA:

I was asked to clarify what I mean about the 44 states that do not treat adopted citizens equally.  I am referring to the states that do not give adopted citizens access to their own birth records.  In these states, adopted citizens are the only citizens who have been stripped of that right.  People who were given up for adoption, but are not adopted, do NOT lose this right.  It is only a finalized adoption that takes away that right.   If the adoption fails (which may happen during the adopted person childhood,)  the original birth record is unsealed and reinstated as the formerly adopted child's only legal birth certificate.

This unequal treatment under the law is based only on a person's status as "adopted."