As an adoptee parent other then health....?

Question

What is your other "fears" for & about your adopted childs welfare?

Answer 1

Well, as a mother of a child adopted with medical needs, my main concern is always her health.  I worry about identity issues as she is internationally adopted.  I worry about fear of abandonment issues because, at 2 years old, my daughter shows signs of fear of abandonment and always has.  Our attachment has blossomed beautifully, but she has what I call fear of abandonment "episodes" where something will scare her once in awhile and she is just inconsolable.  I worry that she will live the rest of her life with this fear in her and it makes me sadder than I can express to know that she may.  These are my main fears for my child related to adoption.

Answer 2

We treat her more or less like the other kids - 2 biological children who are now grown and out of the house - each child is unique, so there are going to be some differences, but so far [2 years] we have taken everything in stride.

As for health issues, if something happens we take care of it.

I think the secret to adoption is to not make a big deal out of it - we took our older two children as they were born to us, and we have accepted our youngest as she came to us.

No Drama !!

Answer 3

I am assuming that you mean what do we worry about with regards to the child being adopted.  Otherwise, my first thought was that I worry about the same things any mother worries about her child.  : )

With regards to my son's adoption, my #1 concern is always health issues that we may not be aware of (especially since our son has a rare genetic disorder).  I do also worry in the back of my mind some days about the bio parents coming back into our lives and the safety issues for my son that it would present (because of his situation at birth).  I also worry about how our son will react when he fully understands his adoption story and the reasons it took place.  I worry about his own safety - physically & mentally - if he chooses to search for his bio parents in the future.  And of course, there is always the fear of how our son will be treated by others in the future because kids can be cruel.

Answer 4

As an adoptive mother i worry about my daughters mental well being.  My biggest concern is that i don't want her to feel disloyal to me while bonding with her first mom.  

I worry that she might feel she doesn't fit in with our family.  

I worry that she might feel i or we have favorites.

Basically you name it i worry.  These would be my biggest three.

I do have to say when my daughter was younger there was a lot of confusion with her adoption at school.  She told a few people and the word got out.  People were saying that i was her step mom, or he can't be your dad.

Our daughter thought it was time for us to talk to the school.  So her father and I, broke out the scrapbooks and baby books and told our story about how our daughter came into our lives.  Now that the kids understand, she has had no more issues with them.  Its been 4 yrs now and still no issues.  Worries about not fitting in school because of adoption handled for now.

Answer 5

I have many worries.

Will I be up to the task?

Will we be able to get the care our child needs when s/he needs it?

Will our child(ren) end up hating us?

Will we be able to keep our kids safe? (This question refers to MANY different possibilities...will we be able to keep our kids safe from themselves, if they have a mental illness?  Will we be able to keep them safe from each other if they have a mental illness?  Again, will we be able to get them the care they need to stay safe?  Will we be able to keep appropriate boundaries with biological family so that our child's emotions and his/her SELF will be safe?)

Will we have the knowledge we need?

Have I spent enough time learning about adoption?  (The answer to this question will always be "no".  But I hope that I have learned enough to do a good job TODAY.)

Am I keeping an open mind?

Am I taking care of my own needs?  (i.e. not expecting my child(ren) to meet my needs)

Are my husband and I in agreement about everything?  If not, can we reach an acceptable compromise that will create the best possible outcome for our kids?

Am I being judgmental?

Am I teaching my kids how to be judgmental?

What do I need to change today to be better tomorrow?

That's the intro to an entire book.  I just have to do my best, keep an open mind, and hope for the best.

ETA:  I wondered if you would question that.  I figured it would make my answer ridiculously long, so I left it as is...but since you asked, here goes.  We are adopting through the foster care system.  Many biological parents have addiction and/or mental health issues.  A lot of the people that I've networked with throughout our adoption process have had issues with biological families.  We've heard of kidnapping (which sounds like an oxymoron...but when the biological parents then take the child to a crack house or leave the child in a car for hours on a hot day, it is a problem); threatening phone calls or phone messages (some a'parents have to screen all phone messages before the child can listen); etc.  But that's only one side of the coin.  No matter how hard the biological family's lives are, that has nothing to do with our child's right to know where s/he comes from.  Our job is to do what is best for our child(ren), which I don't think will ever mean cutting his/her biological family out of our lives entirely.  So, IF a safety issue comes up with regards to contact between the biological family and our family, we will have to somehow find an appropriate balance between our child's rights and our child's safety.  The amount and type of contact that our child has with the biological family has to be decided case-by-case, and a lot of factors will go into that.  The caseworker will probably decide this, but my worry is if our child is 7 years old and the plan we had way back at the beginning is not working out in the best interests of our child.  We'll have to make a big decision, and hope that we do the right thing.