As an adoptive child how would this make you feel?

Question

With our first daughter we took professional photos every months to show development. About 6 months in we were exhausted and broke but we figured we committed and won't do it with our next child just new born, three months, six months, 9 then a year.

Well shortly after our daughter turned a year we decided not to risk another pregnancy but adopt through foster care. We wanted an older child and figured the photo thing would not be an issue since we did not have them since birth. Well we got a baby 2 days old. We know he is still in foster care so we are still doing the major stages of photos in case he goes back to mom i am sure she will like to have them but we may also adopt him if he goes PC not having every month may be an issue. I think being adopted brings a hole new light to being jipped out of pics. Like she got it just because she is a bio child and i am not.

Answer 1

Well...  hmmm...  Of course no one knows how your child will feel about it.

Even with two biological children, making this sort of change might make them feel bad.  Your reason for not doing it make complete sense.  But children (adopted or not) CAN latch on to this sort of thing.  (They might not.)  I know this is the sort of thing that would set my sister off (and she's my parents biological child).  

I don't know if it would have bothered me.  Having lots of personal photos might make it a non-issue.  But the child may focus on this as a point of difference between him and your daughter.  

Of course we can't treat all children the same (children have different needs and wants).  But this sort of thing can be an issue.  Having other mementos and records may solve it.  

Answer 2

You will be fine - it is very typical for subsequent children to have fewer professional photos than the first. As and adult, the photos I'm most interested in are the ones of the whole family, and there are fewer of those than anything else. Take the time to do a family picture once a year if you can!

Answer 3

I don't think something as trivial as professional photos would trigger feelings of neglect or unfair treatment.

   If it were one issue amongst many that would be a different story. Differential treatment in general would cause resentment, but it would have to be a standard practice with many instances proving it's existence.

Answer 4

most younger kids don't have as many photos as the older kids...

my kids were adopted at 4, 7, and 9 years old and we have no baby pics... and 2 of them really hate that...

Answer 5

Well it's not neccesarily first/second child thing.

My a-parents have hundreds of pictures of my little sister, professional, candid, everything.

There is not one of me until school age 5.

They adopted me age 3 1/2. They didn't bother to take any pictures of me, and noe i have no idea what i looked like when I was little.

Please, take your second child to some professional ones, as a family and individually, and lots of candid ones.

Just love your children, think about what that actually means, and truly love them.

Answer 6

Being a professional photographer i think it is silly to do them every month.  About every three months is a good idea and don't over do it.  at one year go big and in between use your own camera. As for the adoptive child i think that you should do some kind of pictures. Pictures are a memory frozen in time. Why wouldn't you want a picture of the child? Kinda crazy.  

Answer 7

I don't think you just have to get professional photos always. Why not get a camera and take everyday pics and then get them developed yourself. I think it would be cheaper that way, if you are concerned about cost.

My parents got professional photos and they took photos from their camera. I didn't get professional photos every month. It was just once a year and they didn't get a big package either. I didn't feel jipped out of photos.

Answer 8

It sounds kinda stupid that you would be professional photos taken every month. I got a digital camera and i print the photos right at home...Problem solved  

Answer 9

Why do they have to be professional (expensive) pictures?  Why don't you take the same pictures, on the same schedule, at home yourself?  I'm no photographer, but I've managed to take some great pictures of my kids.  I find the secret is to take 20 shots...and save only the best one.  

Answer 10

As a second child (both of us are our parents' biological children) I second what the others say.. adoption aside, there's ALWAYS big differences between the first and second children. We (2nd children) have to learn that it's not favoritism. It took me awhile to figure that out.

I also second the other's suggestions of taking your own pictures.  You can even go online and learn a bit about lighting, etc, to make it very similar to professional studio portraits. Save those pictures digitally with your LIFE!! And as you can afford, get them printed high-quality, and buy nice frames for them.  

Answer 11

Dear R,

I went thru the same thing you are describing.  We decided what we did for one child we do for all.  Its so much work but we do it.  Once the children are 2yrs, its more common to take professional pics once a year.  Go to somewhere less inexpensive like sears or jcpenny.  If you get a club card its $30.00 for two years.  At each sitting i spend $20 dollars, i order 8x10's of the photos i like, scan them into my computer and reprint the sizes i want.  It saves so much money.  Is it a pain?  Yes.  You are right there is something special about professional picts.  When they are adults, i figure my children and I will truly appreciate my efforts.

I am a freak about making sure what i do for one child i also do for the other with adoption being a huge factor.  Girls are the other factor.  The will tell you, remind you, whine, (insert adjective here) if they feel slighted in any way---to no end.8P

Congrats on the new baby!

ETA:  3months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, 18 months  & 2 yrs.  After that once a year.  You sound like an amazing dad!

Answer 12

It's very common that with each child, the pictures are fewer and fewer.  However, knowing that adoptive children MAY experience feelings of being 'not quite part of the family', I would take every measure to make it appear equal.  

Answer 13

I think it's super sweet that you're concerned about it!

Just get a good digial camera (even good ones are 100-200 bucks now) and take lots of pics.

Everything will be fine.

Answer 14

My wife was distressed that her parents took a lot more photos of her brother than they did of her.  Neither she nor her brother was adopted.  So, the feeling of being shortchanged isn't related to being adopted; it's a feeling of being shortchanged in time and effort spent by parents.

This is a common event.  With only one child, you have more time and by the time the second one comes, you don't have near as much time.  

Of course, in your case, you've added complexity to the problem by having a hang-up against taking your own personal photographs and insisting on having professionally taken, posed photos.  You kept doing it with your first child, even when you began to realize it was beyond your budget.  This is truly foolish.  

Personally I prefer photos taken by family.  They catch you in the act of being yourself.  I prefer the naturalness of photos taken by family rather than by a professional.  My wife loves to take pictures, so I got her a good quality digital camera (8 megapixel resolution) and while few of her photos are "professional" quality, they are much more special to me than photos taken by a professional.

cw

Answer 15

I don't have baby pics of most of my children and never will because their first mother passed away last week.  It pains me.  Of all the things I talked to her about, I didn't think to insist on getting baby pics.  I thought there would be time.  I asked and she said she would look (she'd moved A LOT and lost lots of her possessions when moving) and then she passed away.  I engrained every baby story in my head and now I am writing them down because I'm afraid I will forget.  This has been so hard.

It does upset my older children to not have baby pictures, but we talk about what the must have looked like.  It's not perfect, but it's the best I can do.

Answer 16

When we were younger my younger sister and I never had as many baby photos done as my older sister. As a very young family starting out my parents had mor money when my older sister was the only child than they did when they had three children under four. We always understood because they were upfront about it. If you really worry about it just go to walmart. They do nice pictures and packages are like $7.99. Just don't buy the extra ones- that is where they get you.

Answer 17

You could just take more pictures of him on a regular camera then print them out that way it looks as he has more pictures or you could give them an equal amount

Answer 18

Do what we do and use Windows Movie maker.

Take a 3-5 minute film and clip out only the best shots.

We get some amazing pics that way!

Answer 19

adopted or not, the second child always gets less pics taken.  

Answer 20

While the feeling of being short changed when it comes to photos is not exclusive for an adoptee - being adopted adds another layer to that feeling. Feeling like you are short changed because you are adopted  is a lot different then feeling short changed because you are the second child. And even if the reason is because you are the second child (like  me) there is always that feeling that it's really because you're adopted and that sucks.

I agree with those who say they don't have to be professional - some of the best photos are candid shots - they really show off a child's personality much more then being posed in front of a backdrop.