Biggest fool
Two lawyers standing before an Irish judge got into a fierce argument.
At last one lawyer lost his temper and shouted, "Sir you are the biggest fool that I have set eyes on."
"Order, order," said the Irish judge. "You seem to forget that I am in the room."
Collect
Terms indicated in an Irish policy:
"The total sum will be paid to you in one single figure at the time of your death, and must be applied for by post unless you wish to collect it yourself."
Too crowded
Casey complained, "That new dance hall is crowded to the roof and all up the staircase. It's not to be wondered that people don't go there."
Raising funds
The roof of the chapel was leaking and the priest asked for volunteers to raise funds for its repair. Mike offered his services.
About a week later, the priest met Mike who was straggling from side to side as a result of having imbibed too freely.
Mike was apologetic. "I'm collecting for the roof, Father," he said. "Every one of the neighbours I called on insisted on giving me a wee drop after paying his subscription."
The priest was shocked. "Are there no teetotallers in the parish, Mike?"
"Oh, yes, to be sure," said Mike. " I've written to them."
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