As wedding day approaches I feel more and more stressed...about this whole situation. What would you do?

Question

I love my new family however, my mother in Law can be a little overbearing and she tends to want what she wants and that is the end of it. Well, my mother is doing the reception and now my mother in law wants nothing to do with me and is quite upset. I recently received a job as a dispatcher for a sheriffs department and ever since me and my fiance told her about it it was "Why didnt (my fiances name here) apply?" It seems that she wants everything to go her way with her family and her day and her flowers and her ceremony.......urrrrggggghhhh it makes me want to SCREAM... She choose allot of things and I know that I should have put my foot down earlier but now it seems too late...Is there anyway to regain control of her? Is there anyway to simply have it my way on wedding day and then escape on the honeymoon. I know the wedding is eight days away and it is going to be hard...especially since she is making the cake and I dont want to insult her to the point that there is no cake on wedding day. I also ordered a different bridesmaids dress than she thinks I did. How do I break this to her? before or just let her see them... she also doesnt want abstract shots from the photographer but it is truly what I want to be happy with my wedding album... will this get easier when we get married...HELP...

Answer 1

with it being 8 days away...to h**l with it, look into buying a cake and put your foot down. NOW  cause from the sounds of it it's going to get worse once your married.  Unfortunately some people like to live vicariously through their children and she sounds like one of them.  Remember this is YOUR day not hers!!!!!!  

Answer 2

You need to just tell her that this is your day not hers and you need to do things the way you want them. I love my mother in law to death but let me tell you the day of my wedding i could have chocked her and if i hadn't said that this is my day and i am not going to let her ruin it i probably would have. I was up until 3 am the night before my wedding getting the hall decorated for the reception and finishing programs for the ceremony not to mention running all over the place trying to get everything picked up, the day of i got up at 6am after only three hours sleep, went with my mother in law and my maid of honor to get our nails done and then immediately after that i had to go straight to my maid of honor's house to get ready for the wedding. my mother in law had the nerve to tell my maid of honor that i didn't do anything for this wedding that my future husband had done everything. My maid of honor told her i know for a fact that she did the invites, the programs, decorated the church and the reception hall, and put all of the party favors together by herself and all your son did was help you cook for the reception. In answer to your question does it get better, everyone has their moments but for me as soon as she knew i wasn't going to put up with it it got better. Stand up for yourself and be strong.

Answer 3

Its normal to feel stressed. I am stressed with only 10 weeks to go but thankfully, my mother in law has not butted in at all. You just need to firmly say that it's you wedding and this is how you want it. I'd probably be careful with what I'd choose to knit pick about though. Things like the bridesmaids dresses - don't worry about it lol. I wouldn't say anything. Let her see them on the day. Its less likely that she will make a scene about them on the day in front of anyone and if she wants to get on her high horse later, the wedding will be over so who cares? Your relationship with her doesn't sound like it will get any better but for future reference...while she knows she can get away with upsetting you and trying to control what you guys do, she will continue to do it forever. Probably easier said than done but I would just play it cool, stick with what you want and if she gets in the way, at least pretend that her pettiness doesn't bother you. I hope you hav a lovely wedding and congrats.

Answer 4

I know where your coming from. speak to her in a relaxed way, nothin too serious. and say;" mum, i know your tryin help me out with the pressure of the wedding but iv got it all under control. if i need help with deciding anything, i want you to be there for me, but for now i'm ok, i know you want my dream wedding to be perfect as you only get one shot, but those little bits and pieces that i choose to do will be a memory for me and (fiance), you know we both love and we are thankful for your input but i want to handle everything on our own, i'll be speakin to my family as well (even if your not)" and if that doesn't work, then you will have to be nasty, and say it's my wedding not your blah blah blah, hope this helps  

Answer 5

wow. rough.

play the nice card. my bridesmaid ( my husband's sister) called to complain about the beautiful dresses i picked for my bridesmaids. she complained to everyone, even my mother in law, so i politely explained to her "when i picked the dresses, i imagined the dress on each of you and i thought you all would look wonderful in it. although i haven't seen you in it, i'm positive you look amazing in it. if you truly don't want to wear the dress, that im sorry, but reassure that it does look great on you, and it is only for a few hours. if it truly bothers you, then you can bring a change of clothes for the reception, but knwo if you do that, then i dont think it would be proper for you to sit at the bridal table, but i really do hope you can put aside any discomfort to be a part of the special day because iwant you a part of it."

be as sooooo fricking nice and explain it all calmly. i hope my example helped! and if she really doesn't like it, just say "im sorry that you feel that way but in order to achieve the vision of our day, i felt that these were the best choice."

and YOU meet with the photographer, so YOU tell him. he'll want YOUR input before the wedding and you can tell him exactly what you want, and you can even explain to him 'the mother will tell you one thing, please ignore her and stick to our demands".... our photographer actually let room on the application for him to write this kind of stuff. hahah...

hope this helps!

Answer 6

I say surprise her and elope!!!

Answer 7

Your probably right, is a little late for a confrontation. I would just leave things alone. Let the bridesmaids wear the dresses, if she has anything to say about it, let her. Who is paying for the photographer? You? If you are, you get the say in what pictures he takes. If she is, well, sorry to say, she does get input into what is taken. I would not insult her, or good bye cake.

Just show up, smile, and if she wants to complain to you about anything, smile, thank her for her input, and move along. It will kill her if you are unaffected by her complaints and demands.

Answer 8

I doubt it will get easier.

I have no personal experience my future mother in law and I have a huge language barrier but she also adores me.

However, my friend has a mother in law as such and it has gotten worse, evne more so when she had children! You need to put your foot down, but do so after the wedding. Let things slide off your back until then and just get through it.

This is YOUR day, if you want specific photos that is what you should get. As for the bridesmaid dresses, do you think she will cause a scene if you don't tell her before the wedding? I would base your choice on your answer to that question lol.

GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATULATIONS!  

Answer 9

For the wedding, pick and choose your battles rather than fighting every detail.

If, for example, the cake's not really that important to you then just let her handle it the way she wants. If, however, the photography is important to you, you need to make it clear that it is what you and your fiance want for your wedding (perhaps your fiance could speak to her on this issue rather than you seeming like the bad guy). Most photographers will take a mix of photos anyway- the formal ones (so that you are sure to get photos with all your family) and more abstract ones (to capture the feel of the day). The photographer should listen to what you want as you are his client.

If she's paying for the photography, maybe you could request that the photographer take a couple of photos that she specifically wants and then do the rest your way.

Make sure to stand your ground on the things that are important to you or you might look back and regret it.

As for the bridesmaid dresses, you could just tell her that since the bridesmaids were the ones paying for them, you thought it would be best to decide together with them what dresses to get. But it's not really her business, so you don't have to tell her- unless you think it might cause an argument on the day!

As for the non-wedding stuff- let your fiance speak to her about it. She doesn't have a right to be questioning who applies for what job. You're both adults and entitled to make these decisions for yourselves. Your fiance needs to put his foot down about this kind of interference or it will only get worse with the grandchildren!

Answer 10

It won't get any easier after the wedding.  If she's like this now, she will always be like this.  As for now, don't make any waves, until after the wedding.  If you're paying for the photographer, you choose the shots, not her.  Don't say anything about the bridesmaids dresses. What is she gonna do?  Make a scene at the wedding?  After the wedding you have to talk to your new husband about her.  Because you have to somehow regain control of her.  Otherwise, she is going to run your marriage.

Answer 11

You don't get to control your mother-in-law. I'm sorry. The only way it'll get easier if your soon-to-be husband takes control of his mother.

Our families tend to be overbearing, too, so my husband and I have a rule: I deal with my family and he deals with his. It's his job to intercede with anything having to do with his family.

What's your fiance doing about his mother? He has the most experience dealing with her. He ought to know how to handle her by now.

My mother, though, was the problem at our wedding. I hid. I booked a room at a bed and breakfast the day before the wedding. My husband was the only one with a phone number to reach me; no one knew where I was staying. I dealt with all the problems up until the rehearsal dinner; I have no idea if there were any problems after the rehearsal dinner until the time of the wedding. I told everyone I was being traditional and not letting the groom see me before the wedding.

The day of the wedding, I had my nails and hair done. I dressed. The limo showed up and drove me to my by-then stress-free wedding. We had our ceremony and drove off in the limo. No one knew where we were staying after the ceremony, either. It was our night.