As well other hard pressures in life - how do you deal with owning hardly no material possessions ?

Question

i exist alone, living in a one bedroom flat on disability benefits in england- i feel ostracised and alienated from society.

i have no one except an aging mother whos always stood by me and done her best for me, shes 58 now and cant get up to see me like she once did.

i have alot of aggression problems that ive improved with all by myself over the years.....i used to have rage outbursts in public that i didnt plan, but comes from years of severe bullying.

ive basically had a horrifically hard life, missed out on forming ' any ' relationships with anyone........ missed out on ever being employed or gaining any qualifications.........missed out on an education..

im extremely lonely, abandoned....forgotten about by society......i sit in my apartment every night and no one seeks me out, tells me im worth something........its like i dont matter to anyone in society.

i feel people are aloof and standoffish to me like they were to me in the past , like no one wants to know me..

i feel stigmatised as somebody to avoid because of my criminal mental past and rage problems....

no one to phone....no one to phone me.....no one to turn to....a tormented, disadvantaged past..

i feel angry at people with happy lives, jealous, aggressive , it represents everything ive never had..

im 30 now, i own nothing....live on disability.....have a dusty old pathetic computer........no carpets on the floor.....have borderline personality disorder and ptsd.

wait for therapy........have torn ankle ligaments an injured ankle.....was told it will take a while to heal.

ive aged prematurly in my face..

have physical imperfections : 2 missing teeth - front bottom row- saving for dental treatment- cant afford anything right now.

this happened after i headbutted a wall years ago through anger.

cracked, broken skin , tears in the skin ' covering ' the ' head ' of my p***s,

an itchy, smelly sweaty s*****m, im waiting to see a dermatologist, she doesnt know what it is or wether the cracks can be cleared yet.

the tears and cracks dont hurt, but the skin is sensitive and looks terrible, all broken cracked skin covering my p***s head..plus discoloration of the head part.

i know its nothing sexually infection because i was checked out at the clinic months ago..

my little finger is crooked and droops over due to an injury years ago.

my only goalsin life is to attain a good paying computer job....to live a peaceful life near the coast........to leave england.......to find a loving partner....to eventually live in spain or another part of europe.

but tell me in my position, at 30, starting from zero, how will i do that ?

im despairing right now.

its like no one cares about me and societies moved on and left me behind.

people reject me, especially girls because i have major low self esteem.....i get clingy....expect to much to soon......dont no how to maintain a conversation.

theres this rusian girl on my messenger list, ive spoke to twice.....she seems nice.....but im scared to go talk to her again incase she rejects me because of how iam.

with all this, and in general ; what am i going to do ?

those are my circumstances in general and ontop of all that - i live in a one bedroom apartment on disability and i own NO MATERIAL POSSESSIONS EXCEPT AN OLD DUSTY COMPUTER, A FEW BOOKS, AN OLD PLAYSTATION 2, A FEW GAMES.....AN OLD BED....NO CARPETS ON FLOOR... ETC.

how would you handle not owning many possessions like this ?

especially when you have ocd to and obsess about it, and feel the bottom will drop out of your world because you own nothing.

Answer 1

Perhaps you should try switching of your computer and try sorting your life out.  Nothing falls into anyones' lap, those of us who have a lot have generally worked very hard for it. It really angers me when people sit around feeling sorry for themselves and resent those of us who have more because we made the effort to achieve something. See a doctor to arrange some counselling and help you sort your problems out and then get off your backside and do something about getting all these things you say you want. No one is going to knock at your door and hand them to you on a plate.

Answer 2

well you have to stop being so negative, first and foremost. i know that might sound impossible but just BE POSITIVE. just do it.

well tons of people have started from the bottom...(ie refugees), they start at mcdonalds and work their way up. get a job. anywhere, even mcdonalds or some fast food restaraunt. it may not be the best job ever but at least you'll be making SOME money, and at least you'll be around other PEOPLE that you may make friends with.

also, remember, that no matter how pathetic you may feel, or how pathetic other people might see you, everyone's perfect in God's eyes.

you can't expect to sit there and let everything come to you, that's not how things work. join a gym, or club, get a job like i said. don't let your disabilities hold you back.

Answer 3

awh, i think this might sound mean,

but your kind of wallowing in self-pity.

there are people with less things

and they have good aspects of life.

you just make the most of it.

material possessions arent the most important things in the world.

Answer 4

you seem very confident with yourself, look at this and accept it as your strength.

the world will not come to you sweetheart, you have to go the world.

theres plenty for you out there,  more access, better opion, equality and education.

the 1 person who is proud of you is your mum, make her even proud by achieving something 1 day.

start now, step by step youll get there. i know you.

the first step will be hard but then you will like the new life and succeed.

i know you can do it.

ps. i know some very rich and wealthy people and they lead a life where money doesnt make them happy. its thier biggest problem!

be happy with what you have, some people in this world dont even have food let alone a mother at thier side or roof over their head.

be happy with who and what you have. and reach for what you want.

best wishes

let me know how you get along

Answer 5

If you are genuinely feeling like this, i am terribly saddened. I know there are people who are lonely and have had tough lives. I know there are old people just forgotten. I am so sorry that people have let you down. I am not a psychologist and nor would i want to be. I might not know the answers to your physical problems but i do know someone who cares for YOU. Jesus loves you and He alone knows what it is like to suffer without any reason. As humans we sin every day. We offend God every day. He created us and we despise Him by ignoring or denying His existence. Jesus came as a sufferring servant to humanity, He was crucified by those He had created. He made a way for YOU to be restored at one again to God. He alone is worthy of praise and worship. Even people who are with plenty still want more. Enough is never enough. I understand your loneliness but if you turn to Him He will help you. Bow before Him today, Every man will one day bow before HIM.  Choose today as the day that you gave up your life to serve the ONE who gave His life for you.  He knows all of your thoughts as you wake and when you sleep. Trust Him, acknowledge Him as LORD and SAVIOUR> He alone will never let you down. God bless you.

Answer 6

well iam 49 and also have same boderline personality and ptsd. i also had nothing for 10 yrs not even a home,had to stay with my children which was not easy. i have a small disability check coming in but hardly enough to live on. I live in USA. dont know what medical insurance you have there but i got false teeth on mine and now feel better about myself. the scars from cutting will always be there.am on several meds i take like clockwork and have been in therapy for many years. dr. will not let me work right now, so am with my brother right now and his family. first thing you do is start praying,God knockes on everyones doors and makes life easier. believe me I hated him for yrs for all ive been through,but life has started to improve. Also people see you as you see yourself so holding your head high and keep telling yourself no one is better than me only God. We all  make mistakes. My life is just starting to come together now like having a home.  I recently bought a bank repossed home at a low price but still cant afford on my own and is stressfull living with kids who get into everything everyday. I cant express how important therapy is. i dont do groups. i do personal counseling but if you want to chat more e-  mail me @ [e-mail]

Answer 7

Start with the basics.

Eat well, exercise, and do all the common things. Bathe, brush your teeth, clean up, etc...

You have to start where you are. There is nothing from stopping you from doing all the basics.

You HAVE to start somewhere. Start right where you are. Dust your computer.

I know my answer is boring, BUT, if you take this advice you will start to feel better. You just need a little momentum. Be practical.

Answer 8

what you have to do is stop feeling sorry for your self, there is help out there why not use your computer and seek out what help there is