As women we are raised to understand that it is our "mission"...if you will...in life to make sure that

Question

everyone around us is... happy...healthy...taken care of....to really make sure that all their needs are met.....right....?

But what happens when you wake up and find yourself lonely in a room full of people...find that your not happy...no one tries to make you happy....unless you stand on top of the table and scream like amad woman..."I'm not happy here"....then what...? when you have all these people you have to make happy....what do you do...live out your years in other peoples dreams and fantasies....when do I get to live for me....when is my turn.....

Answer 1

very good question, and i SO know what you mean. i wish i knew the answer. the thing is, if i lived my life for me, i wouldn't enjoy it, i'd be feeling guilty about it. sometimes i wish so bad i could take off, to no where in particular, just go and keep going. but my parents are old now, and i want to stay nearby them, and my husbands not well. my kids are grown, but my daughter lives with us. and i have umpteen pets that i love, no one else understands them and couldn't leave them, or take them all with me. i was thinking this morning, i don't think, in fact i know, that my husband has never poured a cup of coffee for me in 30+ years. and since his back injury 15 years ago, i've waited on him hand and foot and have done everything around here. not that i'm bitter, i'm not. its not his fault. just sometimes i think the same question you're wondering. i must sound like such a b*tch, oh well..lol.

**edit... maybe it's like a mid life crisis or something like that. it would be terrible to lose what you have for a dream, and then to find out that reality wasn't all that bad after all. i don't know. maybe if you change your life by making small changes, at least at first. all i know is the years are sure going by fast. at least mine are.

Answer 2

I am at peace,,knowing that this is not a selfish thing, and you should never feel guilty about it. Remember that this feeling we have to take care of others makes us feel good...right?

That feel good feeling works the same way when you take care of yourself.

right now my kids are happy, doing things I wished I could have gotten to do, and I try hard to keep their dreams alive, I never got to live my own. I am hoping it will be my turn soon too. I did get to live my dream of having children, which is what keeps me going and gives me real joy in life, but then we find ourselves alone......in a room full of people that take us for granted. I have these days just like you.

You can't help everyone,it's impossible to really make someone else happy anyways, you have no control over others happiness. Growing up in that environment, you learned that dad came first, mom was just a doormat, mom didn't matter, this is where you learned that, it's not your fault.

                                                         xoxox hugs Kissy

Answer 3

Yes, many of us are raised that way. We are lead to believe in the prince, the knight in shining armor, or the hero that saves us from ourselves. The family, the man, the father - all of those become supposedly more important that they are taken care of before we can take a seat.

I've been there and am still working on what I want. For so very long, I've lived how others might see fit so I wouldn't be judged for being anything but normal. But then I couldn't live behind the facade anymore, because it was literally killing me. I was unhappy, depressed, etc.

It is true, the saying - You can't make someone else happy if you're not.

Just remember that. Only you can change your dreams and realities. Those who really care and love you will support you finally living for you.

EDIT - Why do you want to die? Is that what you really want? I hope not. There is so much to this life that is wonderful, and stuff that is bad. We tend to focus more on the negative but you can change that. You need access what keeps you going. Please don't hurt yourself. It's not worth dying for.

Answer 4

You cannot be mentally healthy without a healthy self-love.  Think about the flight attendant, who tells mothers that if the air masks fall down that they must first put the mask on themselves first, and then on the child, because if the mother passes out, the child (while wriggling) will also pass out.  

You have to do this in your own life also.  you must first make sure your own needs are met, before you can really help anyone else.

Interesting that people call you selfish.  If you were a man, they would have no problem accepting that you must follow your dreams to be happy.  

You have been told that making other people will make you happy.  It is a partial truth.  It therefore is a partial lie.

Now you realize that you were lied to.  Start doing things because you want to, and make yourself happy, because no one else can do it for you.

Also, it is impossible to make someone else happy if they don't want to be happy.  So the things you have been trying to do are impossible.  This is another source of your unhappiness.  

I hope this explanation helps.

Answer 5

yes you are being selfish,most women don't make people happy unless they're happy.

Answer 6

It's not wrong at all, as long as your not ******* people over, and stuff. Many charasmatic people live for themselves.

Answer 7

wow-well...no, you aren't wrong....and yes, as women we try to make sure everyone else is happy, usually at the expense of your own happiness... now, i live alone and have no one to make happy...or take care of....and i wish i did... so i am at the other end of this cry!!!

Answer 8

Your turn is now.

Answer 9

That's wonderful you took the first step by asking the question.  Here there are many women who will help you.  You are perfectly normal to want to be yourself.  You are right, society has demanded that of women.

May you find what you are looking for.  Peace.

Answer 10

girl.....

first off u have to understand that is is NOT our mission to make everyone else happy

u need to do u...no matter what..every day u dedicate some time to urself

and u MAKE sure..that all those people u bend over backward to make happy

they need to bend over for u too

dont take no S**t...u r a queen

DEMAND to b treated like one

there is a balance and i hope u find it

=)

CHIN UP!

Answer 11

First you need to learn how to love yourself. You need to find what in life that will make you happy and a sense of accomplishment. Be it your job, always give the best with no hold bars. When a job is well done, you will be able to sit back and admire what you have achieved. It is through little things like these that will eventually leads you to bigger things in life. A small seemingly unimportant step towards happiness & self fulfillment but nonetheless a step forward.

When you have finally find yourself, your soul will radiates out the love you have in yourself to latch on others. Live out your dreams & fantasies first,,,don't just dream, work on achieving it. Nothing comes out if you just dream but not work towards it,,

Happiness is a contagious thing but a good one.

Best of luck,,,,Email me if you wish to talk more about it,,,

Edit:- every life is precious,,more so when it's yours,,,Watch the video,,,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQVPR71Qd...

Answer 12

Join the club............I am the Queen of trying to make people happy...........and it usually back fires on me.................Good luck honey.............I am right there with you ......alll the way.

Its my turn............but It doesn't look like its going to happen....♥

Answer 13

That's why I never had kids. I couldn't stand the thought of one more person needing me, one I was personally responsible for putting on this planet. One I could psychologically damage if I wasn't a perfect mother.

Answer 14

You take control of your life right now. Decide what you want and what you have to do to achieve your happiness, and only when you reach that goal, you will be able to share your self and love.

Answer 15

Have you been stalking me?!  lol  

That is exactly the way I feel (see my avatar and screen name.......), but have started to change this over the last several months.  I can't be everyone's maid, mother, advisor, sounding board, and whipping boy......I'm sacrificing the best part of myself to others and have decided I'm worthy of being treated as a special individual as well.

One of the best things I've learned is to use the word "no".

Answer 16

Everyone needs to be happy, just make sure your just not going through a faze, if you are really in a bad place you need to make a change. You should be happy with your family and friends if they aren't doing it for you they need to know about it, so speak up, communication is the key some people don't get subtle hints. Of course if you look at your life and your not were you want to be it's up to you to change it, not the people around you. Hang in there we're all in this together.

Answer 17

There is no law that says a woman HAS TO DO what society says.  Sometimes; we have to break away and do our own thing; put us first on our own; we don't; no one else will.  I have five kids; I love to write; I write; when they were smaller; it was a bit harder. Back then I wrote letters.  Now I'm writing for pleasure.  I've always loved to sing.  So, I sang and still sing around the house.  At times you have to steal your self back from society.

Answer 18

Women do have a comforting nature (most of the time). When we are kids it's always mom that fixes the Boo Boos and wipes the tears away. That doesn't change as we grow up. My wife is always concerned about making my daughter and I happy. Sometime she goes overboard. I do think that most men are just as nurturing and caring we just may not be as quick to see the need. God didn't make men the most observant cretures on Earth but we do care. All of us have been where you are (men and women) and it is frustrating and depressing but it will pass. You may have to scream and let that those around you know that you have needs too. Sometimes we just have to demand what we want. I hope your day (or week) gets better. I like your humor and get a little down when you're sad.

Answer 19

That's when you buy 34 cats and become a feminist.

But I don't find it that hard to make others happy and be happy myself (but I'm a man).

I basically make myself happy FIRST. Once I'm happy, I try to make others happy too. But NOT until I'm happy.

Answer 20

We are in a very unique position as women. We are trained to forget our needs and meet the needs of those around us. I did that for years, until one day about 3months or so ago, when I completely lost it. I let it all hang out. I am 66 and it took all that time to find my spine. You are precious, don't let the people around you do you in. I did and it led to a lot of pain but also freedom. I dealt with it all during this last few months and am free. You can be too. You need to take care of yourself, too. That is #1. If you don't take care of you, then that is when things happen. email me. I would love to talk to you lots of hugs coming your way

Answer 21

You are not selfish to suddenly realize how much for granted people in your life have been taking you. To their defense: it is so easy to get used to loving care of someone who loves them. So much so, that after a while they stop thanking you for all the sacrifices you had to make to accommodate their dreams and goals. Now, a person could completely disappear, when no one is paying attention to them. I am so glad that that did not happen to you, sweetheart. It takes a strong woman to wake up one day and scream: I've had enough! No more! Now, to show people in your life just how serious you are about taking care of your own dreams and goals, make a plan of all the things you would like to do. And then make them all happen. No matter what it is, you can do this. And the reason for it: unless you feel important and strong enough to take care of your own self, no one else will. And judging by your question and statements, you know it already. The best of luck sweetheart!

Answer 22

No.  That is many a woman's cry.  And if you really want to know why I for one would support you to the fullest, shoot me an email and I'll tell you!  My turn happened at 45, by the way.

ma

Answer 23

I totally identify where you are coming from. We as women have all been there. Please email me and I would love to talk to you. Sweetie, you are not wrong. Not at all. As women we should be valued and it doesn't always happen. We are sometimes, taken for granted. You must take care of yourself first in order to take care of others. You need "me time-alone" Please take it as it is important. Again, please email. hugs and kisses from one who has been there. I kicked myself out of that situation. peace is amazing