Asked to throw a shower I do not want to throw. What to do?

Question

My mother in law has asked me to throw a shower for my sister in law, her daughter. I do not have a good relationship with her daughter at all. We only really speak on holidays and she lives in another state. She is already having a shower in the state where she lives, but the mother wants her to have one here too for the "friends" that live here. Even though the daughter has not lived her since she graduated high school...years ago. This is the daughters third child and I think that it is just not fair for her to ask me to do this. The reason is that when I had my second child, my MIL made remarks that it was rude of me to have a shower for a second child.....but yet this is her daughters third. Secondly, she knows we are financially strapped, we just had our own baby. Third and what bothers me the most. For my shower the MIL got me a $25 gift card to WalMart and the sister got me the Walmart brand small pack of diapers (less than $5) as a shower gift. Now I appreciated

Answer 1

do you really care/

Answer 2

u do seem a little bitter and you have every reson to be favortism is the worst thing. be honest about how you feel. she may be like this forever. say you cannot possible hold the party as you cannot afford and the fact of the matter is that you dont want to. as for the presents you got for your children was not very thoughtfull. and you simply dont have the time if the mother in law wants it that bad let her do she sounds like a rite old cow. you dont need anything from them and certanly dont  need to do something you dont want to do honesty is the best policy. she may not even know how she makes you feel x

Answer 3

Wow, talk about a MIL from h**l. If your hubby is in agreement with you, don't throw the shower. Tell her you are financially not in the right place and are busy taking care of your children. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Just say no, make any excuse.  You don't want to start resenting these relationships.

Answer 5

The truth will set you free.

Just be honest with a general explanation. Tell her you aren't in a position to do that right now and you don't feel comfortable doing it. Set your own standards and stick with them. Having boundaries like that is a healthy way to live. Don't let anyone push you around and get you to do things you don't want to do.

It's okay that someone is disappointed with you. If they don't get over it, then you are better off without them. You are worthwhile and a good person and your feelings are never wrong.

Answer 6

Wait....what?  Are you kidding.  The mother in law buys HER SON and his wife a twenty five dollar gift card, but buys HER DAUGHTER and her husband an entire baby's room.  Then plans on buying HER DAUGHTER a multi hundred dollar stroller, but expects the child that she gave a measly gift card to....to pay for the shower of the sibling that has been given everything!  UM NO!  Sorry, you are too nice.  I would be pissed off if my brother and his wife were given an entire nursery and I got a gift card to walmart.  I would not be throwing anything  for her.  That is horrible.  Talk about playing favorites.  Even if you do not have a good relationship, you do not do that.  twenty five dollars on one and then hundreds on the other.  Rude, rude, rude.  Do not throw a shower for her.  Tell the mother that you do not have the money and even throw in something like....we were not as lucky at our shower as the sister was and we have to save money for the baby.  How horrible of the mother after doing such a shady thing by playing favorites for everyone to see, now asking you to do this,  No Way!  I think you are correct, if the mother has $300.00 to spend on a gift for her (after you just had a baby and your gift was $25.00 to WALMART of all places) then she obviously has the money to do this herself and she can.  DO not throw this shower.  Tell her you don't have the money and give the sister a very small package of generic diapers for a gift, just like she did to you.  Some people have the nerve. I am not one to be vindictive, but your mother in law sounds like a piece of work.  The sister in law sounds like she is already taken care of, don't worry about her.  Sorry that you had that done to you.

Answer 7

Ouch - I feel for you!!  I'm having difficulties with my mil and reading this makes me feel relief that things could be worse.   You sound like a better person than I am!  Lol

Every time she proposes a date say, "The 23rd?  No, I'm busy."  "The 1st? No, we have something going on."  Keep doing it.  Then say, "You know, Gertrude, maybe I'm not the one to throw this shower.  I think you should find someone else."

Answer 8

If it were me, I would offer to help, but you aren't in the financial position to do this, and you have your children and homelife to think of. Just be honest and tell her. If you stand up for yourself now and let her knwo how you feel about it, you won't have to do it again, she will knwo tht you can't be pushed around!

Answer 9

I fully agree with you, tell her you can not afford it and that you may not be the best person to do this, sorry and then leave.

I would be totally upset too.

Answer 10

Just tell her you are not in a position, financially to do it right now and strapped for time with the second kid.

Tell her you are willing to help her out give one, but cannot take on that responsibility, that you think there is someone else that might know her better to give her one.

I dont think it is inappropriate or rude to have showers for all your babies!

Answer 11

Wow, your position sucks! Well, I wouldn't be throwing the shower for her, I would be (semi) honest and say that we simply couldn't afford it. But if ya wanna put a point across maybe mention to your MIL that if she needs you to pick up anything for HER shower that you'll be happy to next time your at Walmart because you still have a $25 gift card from Walmart that someone gave you at your shower. Or even better than that. Give your SIL a $25 gift card (and don't feel bad about it either...it sounds like she's making out pretty good) or a small pack of generic diapers. That outta put a point across. Good luck with your Family In-Law and enjoy your two little ones, because after all, your MIL or SIL can't take away the love you have for each other so thats one thing they can't ruin for you.

Answer 12

Whatever, don't do it...

Answer 13

Tell your mother-in-law that you are not in a financial position to host a baby shower at this point and that if she would like to make the arrangements and pay for it then she is welcome to have the baby shower at your home.

Hopefully by offering your home for the party she won't be too put off by you saying that you cannot host it.

Would your husband agree with you about not hosting this party? If so then ask him to get involved, you need to talk to the MIL yourself as she asked you but if your husband agrees then get him to back you up and reinforce what you have said.

(BTW, she sounds like a MIL from h**l!!)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!

Jessica, don't suffer through it. First of all if you don't have the money then you should definitely not have to find it to throw a party for a person you don't even like. You need to put your foot down or your MIL will continue to demand things of you. Definitely get your husband to support you when you are talking to her - this way she can't steam roll you! Your mother-in-law is clearly putting her daughters needs before yours and your family - she seems to be playing favourites and it is not fair.

You and your husband have every right to be bittered by the crappy gifts they gave you but regardless of how you feel about that it doesn't change the fact that you simply don't have the money to pull this off. Tell her with no uncertainty that you will not be throwing this baby shower. What does a baby need a $300 stroller for anyhow?! Suggest she use this money to throw the party and this can be her gift to her daughter & baby!

Answer 14

Just refuse.  Don't give too much explanations.  Just say you're too full handed to your kids.  Let someone else do it.  Or pass.

Answer 15

Apoligize to her and let her know again that you aren't able to do it because of financial reasons. Or just lie to her and tell her that you have other important priorities to tend too.