Asking Again: How Much Research Did You Do Before You Adopted or Placed?

Question

1. What is the difference between for profit and non-profit agencies?

2. Where does the money from "fees" go and who gets it?

3. Are adoption agencies regulated and if so by whom?

4. Psychological effects of any of relinquishment for adoptee and natural parent?

5. Issues, if any that may emerge from an adoption for all triad members?

6. Support groups available?

7. Ethics in adoption.

These are just a few questions that have popped up as I write this. Are these factors taken into consideration before making a plan?

Answer 1

I didn't research at all because i have not done that

Answer 2

I had very little idea of what adoption was all about, certainly didn't know anything of the effects separation would have on my son or myself for the rest of our lives. I was pretty isolated - grew up in a rural area and in 1984 there was no such thing as the internet. I guess the public library would have been about the only resource. I didn't know of any support groups, didn't even realize that a support group or counseling would have benefited me in dealing with grief.

I was naive, to say the least. It was pretty easy for an adoption facilitator and attorney to pluck my child from me. As another poster said, I thought they cared about me! Very naive and self-centered I know, but unfortunately, this was who I was. I didn't have the confidence or life experience to be able to question the "professional" adults around me. I just took them at their word, thought that they new better than me what was best for myself and my child. I wasn't experienced in the world enough to see through the smarmy sweet-talk they gave me. I wasn't experienced enough to defend myself and my baby.

Answer 3

well, at the time we accepted to adopt him, we knew nothing.I decided from the begining that we wanted to do what was best for all of us .

1 his first family and he would have as much contact as they wanted

2 that we (his b-mom and us ) would do our best to keep ANYONE from "profiting" from his placement (most of the costs were the medical bills $37,000 and then $12,000 were the adoption realated costs)

3 We wanted her to have a long time to change her mind (it ended up being 18 months)

4 From day 1 we would document his adoption, his first family and find and keep as much about them as possible. I copied pics from thier myspaces, I got his OBC, I kept the doggy his first father gave him in the NICU, I saved the pic of them in the NICU (the hospital usually keep the head shots in his file)

5 If any of our family didn't accept him as thier family too (which never happened) then they weren't our family either

I may not have been "educated" on adoption when he was born, it wasn't something we were seeking, but I am educated on how to be a good mom, and the learning about adoption is a never ending process that, I obviously care a lot about.

I did, however knew that "non for profit" just means that the "business" in non -profit. That has NOTHING to so with comission or hefty salaries these directors get. We have a family member who "runs" a NPO and she rakes in $90K part time, doesn't seem too NON-PROFIT to me,

Thanks for askin' this was a good one.

Answer 4

You can buy babies cheap from homeless people or people in 3rd world countries (just ask Brad and Angelina or Madonna).

Answer 5

My relinquishment was so long ago I don't know if half this information will actually help you.

All I know is that my step father was involved in a Lutheran Church. The name of the agency my mother chose was Lutheran Social Services.

I have no idea how money exchanged hands.

Lots of psychological effects. Most due to the stigma of actually being unwed and pregnant. Big social no no back then. I dont remember any counceling.

I don't remember being offered any support groups.

I didn't even know what ethics were back then.

The only thing I took into consideration was where she was not going to live, that would be where I lived. Trust me I had my reasons. As far as a plan, the only thing I planned was getting her as far away from my family as possible and not naming her.

How much research did I do? None.

Answer 6

Rest assured that this adoptive mom did quite a lot of research prior to adopting. Time or space does not allow me to share the knowledge that I gained.

I will tell you that it was ethical. There are no identity issues. Reasonable fees were paid directly to private licensed professionals. The family, including the birth family is doing just fine.

Answer 7

I was young and naive.  I knew of adoption and I knew that people were "fine" by being adopted.  I knew my great-grandmother had a lot of saddness at losing her son to adoption and thus knew that no contact at all wouldn't be okay.

Other than that, I was a sucker to the adoption industry once I walked into their office.  My plan was based on the information the adoption lawyer gave me.

Answer 8

1. Don't know, I went thru a lawyer because there are no local agencies here in my state.

2. Still don't know, I assume the lawyer and court costs.

3. Obviously not since they trample on natural parents rights.

4. While I am ok with what I did as of now, it may hit me down the road and then I'll break.  I can only hope that my daughter understands why I did what I did and not hate me for it.

5. I don't want my older daughter to think that I will "give her away" like her sissy (someone actually told her I would if she did not calm down)

6. Yet to find a support group.

7. Serious reform needed.  Instead of preying on those who are unsure about adoption, focus on the ones that are dead certain of their decision or the foster kids that need good loving homes.

Answer 9

We adopted our daughter from China in 2006.  In Australia there are no private agencies, all adoptions are done through the department of Human/Community Services.

We had an almost 4 year wait before meeting our daughter and we tried to use that time to educate ourselves as much as possible.  Some of the things we did were:

We tried to learn about the experiences of adoptees, first families, and adoptive parents.  We did this by talking with them personally, reading websites and lots and lots of books.  I didn't always agree with everything and some of it was confronting and painful but I felt it was vital that we understood things from a variety of perspectives not just the easy ones.



Specifically, we tried to learn about the experiences of transracial adoptees and the things that had helped/hurt them as they were gowing up and also the experiences of migrants and the realities of racism and xenophobia.

We educated ourselves about Chinese history, culture and daily life and the REAL issues behind why there is currently a need for orphanages and an inter-country adoption program.  

We took time to consider the ethics and problems associated with intercountry adoption.  We did not choose a program because it was "quick and easy" but one that we felt a) had a real need, b) was doing its best to run an ethical program (having said that - no program is perfect and their have been problems associated with the Chinese program too) and c) we had a cultural connection with (my husband is Canadian born Chinese)

We attended numerous seminars about adoption and post-instiutionalised issues (I must admit that this was out of curosity at the time but as it turned out my daughter had significant post-institutional issues and what I'd learnt helped me to get professional help for her much quicker than I otherwise would have).

We did attend the education sessions run by the department but I thought they were pretty limited and I learned far more though our own research.

We joined a number of support groups that provide support for adopted children and their families. We regularly attend their get togethers, cultural activities and education sessions.  I now volunteer for one of these groups helping to mentor and educate PAPs.  We also joined a number of online groups that provide support, education or advocacy.

Although were did these things before we got our daughter I feel that I have come to a much greater understanding of the issues since we adopted her and I feel that it will be an ongoing education.

Answer 10

my parents told me when i got home from class that we had an appointment at [adoption agency]. end of research.

1- didn't have a clue.

2- ibid.

3. ibid.

4. i found out on my own when the "hormones" kicked in and i said, "hey, i might actually miss my kid and regret doing this!"

5. nope.

6. the only support groups were of other bmoms who had happy adoptions. any questions about doubts they had, was immediately dismissed and down-played by the counselors.

7. none.  i actually thought they cared about me and were ethical :-( .

...oh the naivete' of youth...