Asking ex in laws for help for the kids wrong?

Question

My ex is a complete deadbeat. He moved to another state and does not have a job so he isn't paying child support for our two children. He hardly calls them and when he does, he sometimes makes them promises of sending money for things and doesn't follow thru. Yes, very irritating to say the least!

I still have a friendly relationship with his parents, who still care for me anf their grandkids even though we don't really talk a whole lot. They are disappointed in their son and the situation (although, I'm not sure if they know he's not paying the child support, he might be telling them he is)

My question is school is about to start again and I am very limited on funds (I pay for everything for the kids) and they are in desperate need on new school clothes and school supplies. I have already written an email to their father and he said he will see what he can do for getting them backpacks, however I am very skeptical of this.

Would it be wrong for me to ask help from my ex in laws for the children's needs? If so, how should I tactfully put it?

Any advice is appreciated!!

Answer 1

h**l no.  The grandparents should want to be obligated.  Especially if their son is a deadbeat.  (Generally, deadbeats aren't accidents.  It has to do with upbringing almost always.)

Anyways, yes.  You should let them know your predicament and not ask for cash, but if they could take the kids out shopping for these very basic necessities.

Absolutely you should.  I think most grandparents would do anything to help their grandkids.  It's not like you're asking for cash.

Good luck.

Answer 2

carbon copy the parents on the email back to the son

Answer 3

no, not at all, I am sure they are just as afraid as you are, I am sure they don't want their sons problem to be taken out on them.  Ask them they will understand, let them know as well that since he is not paying for child support, this will help you and the kids alot.  I am sure they would love to be with the kids more often.

Answer 4

If they have the money to spare you could ask for some help but truthfully it isn't their responsibility.  You could just mention in conversation how expensive back to school things are on one income.  They should pick up on the fact then that you are not getting child support and may offer to buy the kids something to help out.  If they are not strapped for cash then in all likelihood they will want to help out since it is for their grandkids.

Answer 5

This is where the saying that it takes a village to raise a child rings true.  

If I were you, I would ask for a meeting with your ex's parents.  Sit down and explain your situation and how you've tried to contact the father of his child.  You are hoping that with their help you can have him honor his responsibility.

Answer 6

absolutely not

they are related to the id too,they can help with the responsibilities of raising him/her

Answer 7

open and honest is the best way to go. explain your situation but don't start a rant about what a dead-beat their son is. keep things as positive as you can, but explain (quite simply) that you need help. tell them you're not expecting them to pick up their son's slack, but any help at all is appreciated.

Answer 8

How nice your in-laws are still friendly with you!  I would just call them up and say that your ex isn't able to help with school expenses right now, would they be able to help out?  It can't hurt to ask, and maybe they would like to, but don't want to offend?  If they can't help, there is always thrift shops.  I lived on a very limited income when my kids were little, and I always had good luck at thrift shops.  The one in my town right now is featuring an entire wall with back to school items such as back packs, clothes, shoes, socks, etc.  Good luck!

Answer 9

I would ask them very humbly.  Dont make it sound like it is their resposibility as grandparents to take care of the situation and dont bash their son.  Try something like.

"Bill is having a hard time helping me out with the kids since he is unable to find work and I was wondering if there was any chance you could maybe help me out with getting the children ready to go back to school.  I normally wouldnt ask you, but I am having a hard time myself and any help you could offer would be great."

The worse that could happen is they say no.  Then you just have to swallow your pride and move on.  The Lord will supply for your children,  His word says "He is the father to the fatherless."  I too am a single mother of three and I rely on the Lord, not on their father.

Answer 10

If they are as caring as you say, I am sure they will totally understand, especially if they realize how hard you work to try to take care of your children. Also, you could try local churches and food pantries, they sometimes carry clothes also. Good luck, don't beat yourself up over it, you are obviously a good mom!

Answer 11

If my husband and I were your ex-inlaws then all you would have to do would be ask.  Give them a call and say, "Please, can you help buy school things for the kids?"  I would say SURE! and all you would have to do is mention sizes and specific items.  Or better yet I would love taking my grandchildren shopping for school things.  I think most grandparents would be more than willing to buy school things for their grandchildren.  Some people might prefer giving you the cash to do the shopping but I would have fun shopping with or for grandkids myself.  

You are nice to maintain good relations with your ex-inlaws.  That speaks well of your maturity and I'm sure it is best for your children.

Just in case this doesn't work out, I do know that several churches have collected school supplies for the kids that need them.  They give nice new backpacks, new shoes, pencils, paper, etc.  I know it's hard to accept charity but the churches are looking to help people like you and your children.

Answer 12

they may not know you need help. ask if they turn you down sorry but they may help.  don't ever be afraid to ask anything it's the only way to know!

Answer 13

If you were my daughter-in-law, I would buy everything for my grandkids in a heartbeat....I would be devastated as it is to know my son was a deadbeat and I would feel guilty and feel responsible to make up for it...at least I would try to help as much as I can...

just tell the in-laws that you are stressed and don't know what to do and if they can talk to him....in doing so, you are kinda hinting that you need help and they may ask you what you need for them and get it for them....