Asking for money from others which they make you feel bad?

Question

Ok I wanted to know your opinion. Why is it that when you ask a family member for money, instead of helping you solve your situation, they give the speech about how horrible situation you are in, and make you cry and "kick you when youre down" before they fork over the money. Do they not want to give out money? because by the time the speech is over you want to tell them to "forget it, i dont want it anymore". 5 years ago, I asked my well off sister to help me pay for tuition 1 semester because I lost my job. she made me cry about how irresponsible I was, when I was just a student trying to make it on my measily salary and broke at poverty level. Other day one co-worker cried her eyes out, even though she has money in savings, she doesnt have enough to cover her medical cost, and when she called her mom/dad for money, her rich dad acted like a douche bag and gave her "the speech", and made her cry about how she could have negiotatied finances with the doctors. She came to me crying.

Answer 1

Yeah , they feel the pinch to part with the money.

Answer 2

My dad is that exact way. Well one day i had just moved into a new flat with my son, and made redundant like the following week. Had pretty much eaten into all my savings and had borrowed here there and every where. I had found a new job but pay day wasn't till the end of the month and as a last resort, i finally rang my dad and asked to borrow £200 until i get paid. He went into one big old lecture about how don't ever think I'm going to tell you its going to be okay, because its not. You managed to get yourself into this situation now you can get yourself out. What have you done to help yourself? It was like the most depressing lecture ever on how much i was a disappointment and how it was all my fault and after all that he then said to me, "go ask your aunt" It was like wtf?! You just lectured me and then not even help me out? What made it worse is he had just sold his house so was rolling in it. I guess people love to hold the higher ground over you. Must make them, fill significant in a way.

Answer 3

No I would help out a friend and definitely a sister or a brother if I had the money and I would only give them a lecture if they make a habit of running out of money and came back to ask me every time as if I was the golden goose or something like that.. otherwise I would not even ask what they need it for if I had it I would give it withouth a question.. if I trusted that person..  because I know how desperate most people are before they ask for money.. I know I am very desperate before i ask for money even from family..  so I would not make a comment I would give them the money if I could afford it.. unless they came back again and again.. then I definitely would tell them to go and get a job or become a bit more responsible with their money.. one cannot buy what one cannot afford... but I would only say that if that was their habit to run out of funds...  and rightfully so xx

Answer 4

I wanted to offer you another perspective.  As a parent of three sons, I do have some experience.  There has to come a time in a person's life when they are financially independent of their parents.  My husband and I are not "very, very rich," at all, but sometimes children don't see the whole picture.  My husband is still working at age 65 and plans to work as long as possible...mostly because of all the money we have spent on raising children including three college educations and living expenses since none had jobs during college years.  Right now, for example, we have a son who has moved to Chicago with a new job but no paycheck until the end of the month.  Everything he does, public transportation, restaurants, food he purchases, alcohol, etc., etc., is coming from us.  He is 24.  We love him as we love all of our children, but it is time.  He has been all over Europe several times (on us); I have been only once to England to visit our oldest son.  Oh well, I don't want to go on and on, but I find it hard to believe that someone "really, really rich" would give "the speech."  It sounds more like someone who has just been pushed and pushed to the limit and probably is worrying whether they will have enough money to live on during retirement.

Answer 5

Family members get tee-off because its usually the same person asking for a hand-out.  

Somtimes family members feel left out of someone's life until they need money and get offended quickly.  Most people who lose their jobs must change their priorities:  like find another job before anything else.  School becomes second until an income is managed.  This is why you are getting negative signals.  You aren't disabled, so its not as tough as you see from your perspective.  

You merely have to rearrange your priorities and put school on the back burner until you finally are able to take control of your financial situation again.  Your sister doesn't owe you any money for tuition or any money for any of your own goals.

Answer 6

I have arelative who is very very rich and when I was in dire straits he did help me, however, on some of those occasions (I had to ask him several times during a very bad period in my life) he was almost cruel in his censure. I did nothing wrong, I was just in a very bad situation due to unavoidable circumstances, one of which someone in my house was stealing from me, taking cash out of my purse and writing checks to herself, one year alone I was down $12,000.00 I did not find out about this until many months later. So yes, it is cruel I do not know why they do that esp when it is not a huge inconvenience for them, I'm not talking about someone who would be in a bad way if they gave you some money, I'm talking about people who are very very rich and still give the speech. If the situation was reversed, I assure you I would gladly give without making them feel worse than they already were.

Answer 7

i DON'T FEELTHAT BAD.  THEY KNOW I AM GOING TO REPAY THEM.

Answer 8

There are definately situations where it is completely out of someone's control, but honestly the truth is 9 times out of 10 people that are in financial trouble are there because of something they can control (ie spending habits).  

I think you are overreacting to "the speach" a bit as well.  It comes because those that cannot manage their money can become a huge burden on others if they cannot keep their money straight.  Some people do have a lot less tackt than others when it comes to expressing this worry.  Also some people that are "well off" may only appear to be so.  They may be living on the edge of their means as well, and the action of supporting another person may put them beyond their means pulling them down with the person they are supporting, or forcing them to make undesireable sacrifices.

Honestly, if someone is living on true bare minimums to get by and something unfortunate and truly uncontrollable happens (ie health issue) people are going to be willing to help you a bit more.  If someone is asking for help who is going out clubbing 3 nights a week, never pays anyone back, and buying clothes/toys constantly people are going to be less than enthused about lending a hand or money.  Just two extremes of the issue.