Asking myself, why we did this. Army Help.?

Question

As most of you know, my husband just started basic training, left on the 4th, arrived at the camp today (the 13th) and starts on Friday.

I feel so weak, to give a little more insight on my situation, this is how his enlistment came about.

I have known my husband for going on 9 years now, and he has been my best friend for going on 3. We didn't start dating until 2 years ago, and when we did, it was like every day we fell more and more in love. We had discussed spending the rest of our lives together on many occasions, and then, one day, Joe (My husband) Told me had had a feeling that I should pick up a pregnancy test... There it was, a huge plus sign. We were going to have a baby, and it was the most beautiful event of both of our lives.

Shortly after that, things started to get rough, he lost his job, and living in the small town we do, was having such a hard time finding another, bless his heart, he tried so hard.

So one night, he has a talk with me. He tells me he wants to join the Army, because he is sure that this is a perfect way to make sure our daughter and I are well taken care of. He's always been a man with aspirations, and dreams... And this was his, to make sure his girls were ok, and to make it that way himself. So after long thinking, between the two of us, we made a mutual agreement, that we could do this, that we were strong enough to make it through this, including deployments and events such as.

I had a month and a half with him, from the time he was swore in the first time, to the date he left me for reception. I lived every day like I wouldnt see him the next... Loving every second I had with him. We got married on July 26th, and had the sweetest little wedding ever. This wonderful man, who was making so many sacrifices in his life for our family, is now my husband, my other half.

Now that he's left, I feel like my rock is gone as well... He was what was holding me up, and now though I have my family, and my beautiful daughter inside me, I still feel so empty. I have been pondering why I agreed to this whole thing to begin with, I know because I respect his wishes, and love him and will be loyal to him for all of eternity, but that doesn't stop my thinking.

I know there will be plenty of you that tell me "Grow up, get on with life, get over it or you will never make it through." I know this is true. Believe me, I do. But that is exactly what I am having a hard time doing... I'm so scared of him being deployed, I'm scared of being a good Army wife, I'm scared of being without my husband... My love.

If basic is so bad for me, how will I ever make it?

I hope that someone has some words of advice, of encouragement. Something to help me get through this. Please. If anyone has felt this way, or relates, please share. Thank you, and please be kind,

*~*L*~*

Answer 1

I wasnt married to my husband when he went through basic, but my husband has deployed 3 times since we have been together. So I can relate to the feeling that your "rock" is not there to hold you up. I will say in most ways it will get easier. Consider this a practice round in being away from your husband. Right now, you can get accustomed to life without him there. Learn everything you can about the Army and all its customs, procedures, services, benefits. Next time may be a deployment and you will have the added stress of him being in a combat zone. You will be an emotionally stronger person having gone through basic and AIT apart from your husband. So when the "big one" comes you will be better able to handle it. And subsequent deployments will be like another day at the office, as my husband says. And it is true.

Having said that, the only thing I have found that is harder is growing closer to my husband every day makes it harder to say "see you later" when he leaves for a deployment. But, we just use the time during the deployment to draw closer.

You will be fine. We have to live in the land of big girl panties. I am not saying that to be mean at all. But WE are the ones to hold it down while THEY are away, and while everyone cries at times, it is a luxury to fold. You cant buckle under the pressure. Hold your head high and be PROUD of your husband, not sad. He is doing something honorable and very hard. He is dealing with being away from you PLUS all the c**p he has to go through at basic. So COME ON GIRL!!! Put them panties on and hold your head up!!! Always there for you just IM or email!!

Answer 2

considering he'll be back for a year at a time you have to find things to occupy your time make friends don't cheat (doesen't sound like you will).

Hope it helps good luck

Answer 3

Plan for your next trip, visit to a neighbor, or whatever it takes to keep you busy over the next couple of months.

You can do this. You did not marry him to make one person from two. You married him to share your life with him. He wants to hear that you have a life to share with him as well as a life that includes him. Marriage is not unconditional. You must have deal breakers. He wants to walk the line for you so make sure you communicate your deal breakers to him even if you think he knows them already. "Always be loyal, tell the truth always, be kind and forgiving but don't break the rules of our relationship." Believe me, the rules idea works if you keep it positive and personal between you and him.

Don't lose yourself. Plan for your individual future as well as your life with him. Do you want to go to college? Learn a new trade? This is the time to look at those things to keep you busy and not lose yourself.

Plan for when you must leave your family to join him at the base. Decide now whether you want to go home when he deploys or stay on the base. These decisions are not final. Just start thinking about them now. Focus on you and the baby. Things will work out. Pray. A lot. Be thankful for what you have and ask for peace and safety. Stay positive and active. You can do this. You are strong. Hang around positive people and avoid negative people. This is your chance to grow.

I wish you peace and long love.

Answer 4

Your husband is doing this for his family which is one of the greatest things a man could ever do. The one thing I see too often is these men being heart broken because their wives couldn't stay faithful to their husbands on deployments. You are with him, and he is doing this for you. Please, don't cheat on him, its one of the worse things possible. I know its tough, I grew up in a military family and my fiancee is a corpsman currently stationed in Texas while I'm still on the east coast. Basic is hard because you can't see him. But trust me, there will be times when he comes home everyday after work. Do you currently live in military housing or do you own a home? If you rent, I would consider moving into military housing so you can be with other military wives going through similar things.

When it comes time for him to deploy, make friends with the wives of other guys in his company, it will really help. Actually try and make friends with a lot of the wives, whether in the same company or not as its always great to have people around going through similar things.

Deployments suck, my fiancee went to Kuwait a year back and it was terrible not being able to call him to talk to him telling him I was having a bad day or how much I loved him. Write to him as much as possible. Send him pictures of you and your daughter as it will boost his morale. Plus he will love showing off his family to other guys with him.

Just stay strong, with so much going on, he needs a constant in his life. You need to be he constant.

I don't know if I've been helpful or not but if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to contact me, I'll be willing to talk any time.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are reaching out for a lot of support right now. Things will get more supportive the more you ease into army life and you will learn to live efficiently on your own a lot. You will probably get to talk to him more in the future after basic training. Basic training for us was the time we hardly ever talked because they never allowed them to use phones, but once a month or so. You will learn to grow as individuals while your apart but that will make your marriage strong.  

Answer 6

Be strong. Once he's with Basic and AIT, you can be with him just like before he joined. he will go to his unit and you will go with him. The Army will give him the money so that you both can get your own house (that you will actually own yourself) to raise your children in. Plus you and your children will get free health care, dental, and optical as long as our husband is in. I am a soldier myself station at Fort Hood with 1st Cav. Army also has whats called an FRG (Family Readiness Group) which is a collection of Army wives and families, that stick together and care for each other when their husbands and wives deploy. for the most part being a soldier is like any job. you work from 9 to 5 on most occasions. you get to take vacation and you get to spend time with your family just as if you worked for any other civilian job. the only difference is we get deployed.

look at his service as a good thing. he will always have a steady and supporting income. he will never just get fired or laid off. the army will provide everything your growing family will need.

Answer 7

Well honey, the good news is, you are not even close to being alone. Many, if not all military girlfriends/wives can relate to this exact thing. I was a girlfriend of a deployed Army soldier in Iraq last year. It didn't end up working out in the end but our relationship was never even near as committed at his end as you and your husband are so don't worry. Needless to say, I was completely head over heals in love with this guy so his deployment was one of the hardest things of my life. Anyways, don't feel like you shouldn't be as weak as you are now just because he's only gone for basic so far. You probably have never been away from him for a long period of time and you know what's to come so that's most likely contributing to your anxiety. I also live in an extremely small town (about 1000 people) so I know what it's like to have a hard time finding work.I feel like I don't have to tell you because I know you already know this, but you're husband is incredible and is doing the right thing in looking out for you and your daughter. Just know that he probably would love nothing more than to be back with your family and not even have joined the Army but he can't. This deployment is hopefully going to be the hardest thing in your life too. Not saying hopefully it will be hard for you, I'm saying hopefully you won't go through anything worse because I know for a fact it will be hard. The main thing is, is that you both need to be fully committed which it sounds like you've already had that conversation and you both are on the same page which is beyond wonderful. But you have to realize that there is nothing you can do now about him leaving. You need to be strong for your baby and strong for your husband. Support him in everything and when he calls, try to talk about normal things. =] Try and take him mind off what's going on when he's deployed. Surround yourself with your girlfriends and family to make sure you also take your mind off things. Stay busy, that's the key, and with your baby on the way I'm sure that won't be hard. Although you'll probably miss him seeing how you would've wanted your husband to be apart of many things going on with the planning on her arrival, but just do not forget that you have to push through it, no pun intended with the birth =], see the positives, count your blessings, and see it's out of your control now. And how you said you're wondering why you agree to it in the first place..you know deep down in your heart that you agreed to it because that's what he needed to do to help his family and the bottom line is, is that you did agree to it. Don't dwell on it now. That's exactly what I did and trust me, it'll get you absolutely nowhere and you'll only regret it in the future. I know it's scary and it's hard not to think about what will happen every second of the day and I know everything about deployments are terrifying but again, just try not to think about it as best you can. And if anyone says grow up, get on with life, get over it, or especially you will never make it through it....they can be our guests and go straight to h**l!! =] If anyone says that to you, they obviously have NO idea what it's like to be in your or any other army wive's position. Don't say any of that is true either. None of that is even close to true. You shouldn't grow up, that's ridiculous. You shouldn't get on with your life because your husband/baby are probably the most important things in your life, they are your life. And most importantly, you WILL make it through this. Stay strong and you will get through. I've always believed, if a relationship makes it through a deployment, they can make it through anything. It'll be hard but you can do it, and it will only make you stronger and your relationship stonger in the end. I hope this has helped even the littlest bit and if you need anything just ask. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy and the deployment. Stay strong!! =]  

Answer 8

Pray to God for strength to endure; your husbands enlistment will go by so quick you won't believe it. Pray that he's not deployed and serves his time out of a hostile environment. Your husband will get 30 days leave after 1 year of service, if he serves stateside you can be with him 24/7 or for a visit every so often. It's really not as bad as it seems, everything has a way of working itself out  Prayer should be priority, hope this helped.

Answer 9

First of all hon, you are going to be ok - you just need to believe it. Second, your are not alone. My dad has been in the Army for about as long as I can remember and it's hard. Deployments bite and it just drains your nerves sometimes. I don't know how my mom has managed so well all these years, and truth is that she has always but she did her best and that is what matters. You need to seek out the other wives in your husband's unit. Also the first sergeant's wife is a good person to get to know, as she probably has been in your place before and knows her way around all the red tape a bit better than you do. Get yourself a good support base, friends and family, because that will make it more bearable. Being friends with other Army wives is always a good idea because they just seemed to know and understand all that you are feeling, Trust your husband and know that it will be a balancing act for both of you but that it is doable. Have faith! And know that as long as you support your husband, support the troops, and be proud of your American heritage that you will make a great Army wife. You don't always have to agree with the Army in fact sometimes you will hate it, but they do take care of their own so take comfort in that. And since you are pregnant make yourself familiar with Tricare. Also, the Army also offers WIC to pregnant women and ladies with young kids. Take advantage of it, that and grocery shopping at the commissary if you're near post. You will make it. Write letters, send emails, and call each other. And never forget that he misses you just as much and that this is just as hard for him as it is for you. But you will make it.  

Answer 10

Basic is hard because you can't see him period. When I was through with basic I got stationed in Fort Bliss El paso,

When he is stationed he will be able to bring you and your daughter with him.  He will come home every night from work to see you. There will be times when he will have to go "out in the field" for a few weeks at a time. There are orginazations you can join as a military wife. you guys can live on or off base, your choice. You will get your very own military I.D. so you can go on base at any time .You will make friends when he gets stationed and you'll have plenty of other women to relate to. I was stationed at Ft. Hood, Ft. Benning and Ft. Bliss and was in the Army for 4 1/2 years before I was ever deployed.  Try not to stress to much.. the Army life can be a great life if ou know how to make the best of it. Even if he does get sent overseas he can always take a laptop with him and you guys can videochat, I know several people who do this. Keep your head up things only get easier from here.  

Answer 11

Ok i know that this is really hard for you and ive been there before. my husband is a marine and is currently deployed in iraq. so yeah i know the feeling like no matter how may people are around you, you are still alone. and no matter what your doing your thinking about him. But i have to say that what your going through is the easiest thing you'll go through his WHOLE army career. When your husband gets deployed b/c hes in the army he'll be gone for 12-15 months. That will be really hard. But when he is deployed the army will set you up in a network of other army wives and they'll be there for you to talk to, and to ask questions, and help in any way they can. Now what i did when mine was in basic was letters. I wrote All the time. and that's all you can do.. when he comes home make every moment count... and when he deploys don't treat it like its the last time you will see him and you might not ever see him again. that will kill you! you have to keep a very positive attitude not only for your self but for your husband. You have to be ok for him because if hes worried about you back home and not paying attention to whats going on around him that's when people make fatal mistakes. So you have to find ways to make your self happy... don't dowel on the bad things. Think about the good: home dates, and family, and your daughter.

You'll make it, just be strong!! he'll be home in no time.

Well i hope i helped at least alittle bite. and remeber your never alone. All us military wives have to have eachothers backs. Best of luck to you and your family.