The name doesn't have a meaning, neither does the cause. The essence is that of confusion, its nature is that of being alone. Struggle is the result of its own sadness, but struggle is the root of its cause. Incompatabilty, social undertones and cues, words, needs... the ability to understand. The list doesn't stop, the stares don't stop - the statement of "feeling" becomes one of traumatization. The simple act of being with someone isn't that simple. Touches, feels... are all worthless. The acts and emotions are not - the cuteness, the love... the smile someone brings. Those are all that seem to matter. So your unjustifiably different from the population, above ones own feeling of natural instinct. Above the norm of sexuality - to a place where your only hope is to find someone who enjoys your company... and doesn't expect you to act like every normal Joe. When I kiss, I kiss for love - I feel a lip, smell a smell. Take each moment as a moment, slowly - and surely. Passionately, and I treasure each moment as if it where a last breath of clean air.... But when faced with the difficulty's of being different.. what do you say? To me, I have to say stop - when she attacks me, I have to say wait - when she doesn't understand... I have to say look, and tell her what IS and isn't. And I have to ask her to try again. But moving to social awkwardness... that is another matter. I've never had close friends, and I have but they've all gone and new ones have come again. I can't cope with having them, I somehow insult or make a situation awkward... I don't know when to go, or when to come. I don't understand, so I fathom what it is to be normal, and know all along that I have no interest in. All of it comes with anxiety, despair, loneliness, and pain... and all of that leads to exhaustion and despair.
There is no hope for me to become... but there is a hope for me to make, but I don't know what I want to do. Please give me some idea's.
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