Assumed Was Invited to Friend's Party But Wasn't?

Question

So there's a group of four of us at work who chat everyday and whom I consider friends. One of them mentioned a month ago that she would be holding a party for her son - she told us the date. So I had put the date in my calendar thinking that I was going. I even bought a gift for her son last week. This week, I find out that she invited the other two people in our group to the party but not me. Embarrassing thing was that last week I had even asked her what the closest train station was to where the party was being held and she gave me an answer. Should I even bother giving her the gift? I know that I don't really need to give one since I wasn't invited. I think she's avoiding me at work. How would you approach her?

Answer 1

OMG this reminds me of when I wasn't invited to my sister's 17th birthday party. AND IT WAS BEING HELD AT OUR HOUSE!

I ended up getting really drunk and crashing the party and ruining it for everyone. I was 19 at the time, but also hurt. Not the best idea, but if I had to go back I wouldn't do anything different.

Anyways I say just forget there's even a party and don't call her that day or even that weekend. Don't be embarrassed cuz she's being rude.

Answer 2

I wouldn't approach her at all.  For whatever reason she didn't see fit to invite you.  I'd take the gift back and forget the whole thing.  She's probably avoiding you because she feels guilty.  Actually what she did was really rude.  I know your feelings are hurt, but if that's the kind of person she is you're better off not associating with her after work.  It's a lesson in human behavior.      Just keep your relationship work related.  You're the bigger person.

Answer 3

How do you know that you are not invited?  Did she tell you?  Did one of the other two tell you?  How do they know?  Did the other two get writen invites?  Have you and she had an argument lately?  I am wondering if you misunderstood the situation.  Why would she tell you which train stop if she wasn't inviting you?

I like what MelissaT had to say.  Let her know you wanted her son to have the gift and offer any assistance you can.  Do not make her feel like you feel left out, maybe she just didn't realize that you thought you were invited and making her feel badly about it will not make either of you feel better.  

Maybe she will realize that she needs to be more careful in the future.  Don't take it too personally things like this can ruin workplace relationships, don't do that to yourself.  Forget it and move on.

Answer 4

If you give her the gift then she will probably feel guilty and may end up inviting you out of pity....would you really want that? I say return the gift and use the money to buy yourself something. For whatever reason she didn't invite you but no use to ponder why or else you'll end up feeling hurt and resentful. And I wouldn't ask her "why" either....that will put both of you in a very awkward situation and she probably wouldn't tell you the truth any way. If I were you I just wouldn't act like anything weird happened, and perhaps rethink how good of a friend she really is.

Answer 5

As you hand her the gift (which you bought for her son not her) tell her you got that for him when you thought you had been invited, and now did not want to make a special trip to deliver it. be sure to send your best wishes for her son along with the gift (just a kick in the butt) Good Luck

Answer 6

I'm sorry this is such a strange situation for you.

It looks like the party hasn't taken place yet, correct? If that's true, then just wait a bit before doing anything. She may still come to you to confirm that you'll be there and then you'll know that you're expected.

However, if the party has already taken place, return the gift and say nothing. Although it's really rude to talk about a party around other people who are not invited, it's also not the best idea, as you know, to assume you're invited until the invitation arrives. It feels really awful to end up not invited after all.

But, if this whole thing comes and goes and she asks you later why you weren't there, just say, "Oh, was I invited? I never received an invitation like Betty and Jane received..." She'll probably apologize profusely over the confusion and then you can decide if you want to give a belated gift.

Hope this helps!

Answer 7

I would give her the gift after the party. Unlike the first poster, I think a little guilt would be just the thing she needs. In any case, I think it was unbelievably cruel for her to make such a public display about the party and then do that. Even had she kept it private, I think it's wrong to exclude only one person out of a tight-knit group.

Answer 8

Talk to her up-front. Let her know you thought you were invited, and ask her if you are. If you are not, take the gift back and get your money back. If you are, then go and figure there was a misunderstanding. I'd probably start the conversation like this, "hey, remember when you said you were having a party on such and such a date? I thought that meant you invited me then--but now I'm not so sure. Am I invited?" Good luck!

Answer 9

Give her the gift.

Let her fell guilty, and when she invites you decline.

Then she'll fell like a real *** for not inviting you.

Or you can just avoid her and return the girt, buy something pretty for yourself (because you should feel good about even getting a girt in the first place)and move on.

Next time you have a party tell her ALLLL about it, and don't invite her =) jus kiddin don't do that...unless you want,

Answer 10

It sounds like something happened between now and about a week ago.  Were there disagreements at work between the two of you?  Something personal go down that she may have taken offense to?

Think about what might have happened.  Unless she invites you specifically, I would not attend the party.  You don't want anymore embarassment than what you are already feeling.  The day before the party, (or when you see her last before the event), be sure to give her the gift for her son.  Tell her that you remembered her saying she is holding a party for him soon and you wanted to be sure to give the gift to her for him.  Tell her you hope she has a good day and everything goes well and call you if she needs anything.

Doing this shows that you are taking the high road and not pouting in the corner being petulant.  You are standing up and thinking of her son and the day she has prepared for him.  For all you know she may have just assumed that you were coming and didn't think it necessary to 'invite' you as she is giving you tips on how to get to her house and told you the date, etc.  She may follow up with 'Aren't you coming?  Don't you want to wait to give this to him then?'  If she says this you can say, 'Oh, I'm sorry.  I heard so and so were invited and I didn't want to overstep my bounds and crash your party.  Of course I can come.  Thank you and I'll be sure to bring this for him then.  Let me know if you need me to bring anything.'  

Whatever you do, be adult about this.  If she doesn't invite you or try to explain things then I would steer clear of her.  This is very rude to invite everyone but you.  It's not like you will show up and eat her out of house and home.  If she does this she is not your friend and certainly does not have your best interest at heart.  Good luck!