Assumptions, assumptions...?

Question

Why is it that when an adoptee speaks out against the system, some people on here assume that the adoptee *must* have had a horrible adoption experience?

Answer 1

It's a handy way for a non-thinking, lazy person to 'win' an argument.

A very low blow...

Answer 2

because they can. most people feel the system is perfectly fine. so they don't want reforms that will help all that are involved in the adoption process.

Answer 3

It's an easier explanation than "the system is f'd up", or "we need better education" [which would cost money], or "adoption is not necessarily a good thing", or "adoption involves a LOT more than giving a child a home", or any other truth.  It's just too complex for the general public to understand, so an easier answer must be sought.

You're an angry b*****d who had a crappy experience just sums it up so nicely for someone who doesn't want to sit down and learn the reality, ya know?

Answer 4

ummm cuz people don't often complain about a positive experience

Answer 5

Dear Mei-Ling,

You know what they say about assuming. "It makes an a** out of you & me."

I think you will find that there are many people who are either ignorant or closed-minded (or both) when it comes to adoption. There are people who want to feel that adoption is all "peachy-keen" and will ignore or make and attempt to invalidate anything that they disagree with.

Adoption is a loaded, multi-faceted issue and there is NEVER a blanket statement that will cover everyone or every situation. Adoptions are like snowflakes & people and are ALL unique. Sharing opinions, experiences and ideas is one of the things that makes adoption such a facinating topic and will be the catalyst for the changes that are so desperately needed. People who cannot see all the sides are NOT the ones who will benefit from these discussions. They cannot open their minds wide enough.

There are others however, who ARE listening and learning and willing to speak for change. There are many intelligent and caring people involved in adoption who have ALL kinds of perspectives and thoughts and can see the problems AND the benefits. THESE are the people who will bring improvements, help each other with individual issues and in my book, go down as the "heros" of adoption.

My personal experiences have ranged across the board from positive to negative and I am able to see several different perspectives - NONE less valuable or more important than the others. Each is very real in my life and each can be used for or against me, but NONE of them encapsulate entirely my views. It takes the BIG picture to really "get it". I speak out about the things that I feel need improvement but am still able to support the things I feel are right.

REALITY is neither black nor white but MANY MANY shades of grey. Don't let people's stereotypes and labels silence or upset you - they are part of what we are changing by speaking up...

ETA: Well said, Jenna!

Answer 6

I think people are used to black & white thinking which bleeds over into their opinions or assumptions about stuff.

Just because I had a "good" experience with my a-family doesn't mean it doesn't suck a$$ sometimes, ya know? But more importantly I can look and see how much worse others are and want to fight for their rights, too. It doesn't just have to be about *my* particular experience, it's adoption as a whole...just like with civil rights or equal rights for women...I'm sure there were places and people who treated minorities and women okay or well...but that doesn't make up for the rest of the experience by others. This is what I'm fighting for change for...the system is hurting people, maybe it didn't hurt me as much as others, but if it's hurting people then it needs to be changed...

Answer 7

African Americans won their civil rights; women won equal rights.  None of them were easy battles and it took a LOT to change people's attitudes and assumptions about the topic.

It's no different with the adoptees speaking out...they want equal rights, to be treated like equal citizens, and it will take a lot to change others' assumptions and attitudes about this.  

The ones who don't want to have their core beliefs challenged are the ones who will resort to making excuses and dismissing them.

Answer 8

For the same reason some people in here assume that most children adopted through international adoptions are stolen...  they are IGNORANT.

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YES- too many people judge others when they have not walked in their shoes.

ig·no·rant:  

–adjective 1. lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant man.  

2. lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact:

3. uninformed; unaware.  

4. due to or showing lack of knowledge or training: an ignorant statement.

Answer 9

Because they probably did.  I am adopted and happy and don't have a reason to complain.  

But my friend who was, and DID have ahorrible experience, complains all the time.  He just refuses to get psychological help.  If he never gets help, he will end up like an old grumpy man that is never happy with anything.

Answer 10

It's kinda like when an adoptee states they have had a great life and they are happy, some people assume they are in denial, or a 'fog'.