At my wits end, any advice please?

Question

My 3 and a half year old daughter keeps hitting her 6 year old sister, yesterday she punshed her in the eye and hit her nose, today she hit her on the head and later bit her arm, other than this they argue and bicker often but are also loving towards one another and generaly she behaves well but obviously she cant get away with hurting her sister, usually talking to her makes her see sence but not this time, how do i get her to stop and what is an EFFECTIVE punnishment for a 3 year old?

Answer 1

Time out.

Answer 2

yeah, you definately have to get a handle on this now because now is the time she is trying to push buttons and see how much she can get away with.  try getting down to her level and telling her that it is not nice to hurt people, my daughter was doing the same stuff to her sisters and i finally told them to hit her back...i know that sounds mean and i would never let them actually hurt her (because they are older they are kinda protective of her anyway and always did it easy) but when she realized how it felt to be hit or pinched she quit doing it.  different things work for different people...good luck!!

Answer 3

Hi,

I know exactly what you mean as I use to work with children as a nanny and know how distressing it can be for all involved!

At age of 3 now is a good time to teach her some firm disapline as it will only be soon that she is in nursery and needs to learn to control her temper.

When she having tantrums where she is NOT hurting self or anyone else then you just ignore her, sing favourite song in your head and praise your other children for being good. Then she will learn that good behaviour equals mummy attention and bad behaviour means she will not be listened too.

You can put her on time out - make a little spot where there is nothing she can throw or hurt herself on - sit her there for 3 mins and after ask for an apology - hug and kiss and make up.

Also do more activities with the two of them together - maybe set up a treasure hunt or something in the home where to the two of them have to work with one another and not against each other so they learn to accept one anothers company and she learns to want to play nicely with her big sister.

Lx

Answer 4

different punishments work for different kids. You have to try a few different ones to see what works with your child. With my son, time out was impossible, but I found if i sit him in his room for 2 minutes (go by there age....3 yo= 3 min) and hold the door shut, he comes out well behaved (for a while:)). I had to resort to that because he wouldn't stay in time out and if i just left him in his room, he'd run right out. So i stand out side the door and refuse to let him out for 2 minutes. what ever you think seems to be working, just stick with it and be consistent. It wont work over night! good luck!

Answer 5

Try to figure out WHY she is doing it. When does it happen?

Does it happen when she's tired? Hungry? Bored? Figure out when and why these things are occuring and then help her deal in a different way.

When my two year old would go to hit her big brother and sister (6 and 5) I would grab her hand and say "NO hitting!" in a louder (not screaming) and firm voice. Then I would ask her why she's hitting brother. I'd squat down and put my arm around whoever had been about to be smacked.

I'd tell her things like "we don't hit our friends!" or "we use our WORDS."

Asking her why often helped clear things up. Why did you hit Tyler? Because he took your bear? Well you should have asked him for it back! He wouldn't listen? Then you come tell mommy and I'll take care of it!

Or you bit her because she was in your way? That was NOT a good choice! We use our words. We say "move please!"

And this is USUALLY followed by an apology to the other child. A hug if I can get her to ( i dont force the hugs lol) and I agree it must be a detailed apology. "Sister, I'm sorry I bit your arm."

And then a time out (the number of minutes determined by age in years 3 year old = 3 minute time outs)

If the kids are playing in the den or their rooms time out is usually removed from that, and wherever I am so I can watch you.

We have a time out "area" in almost every room in our house, and my parents house so they all know where to go when in time out wherever we are.

Just a safe spot with nothing she can hurt herself or us with should she go into tantrum mode.

My mom also has a method that works well with her. When our littlest bites or hit she immediatly rushes to the "victim" not her. She grabs them up and makes a big deal out of their injuries, and giving them hugs and kisses before she turns to our 2 yr  old

Then she says "You HURT your sister. We do NOT bite-- that HURTS!" Then she has her come over and inspect the area. "Come look at her arm! Its all red where you hit her!" Usually this gets my two year old worked up and sad and apologetic lol "I'm sorry sister! I'm sorry!" with lots of hugs and kisses without any prompting!

It all depends on her mood.

I hope you find the answers you're looking for!! Good luck sweetie!

Answer 6

Spank her butt and make her appolpgize to her sister...and not just say "I'm sorry" but "I'm sorry for _____you" ( fill in the line with punching, kicking, pulling hair, biting, ect) Children need to take responsibility for their actions.

OK so all you who gave thumbs down I am assuming have preoblems with your tots in time out...have fun with that when they get to be 10 lol mine will be the well behaved kid doing as I told him :) blessings to you

Answer 7

Try parenting better.  I find it hard to believe it just started out of the blue one day.  

It sounds like it's been building and you're at your wits end.  Put your foot down and try a little discipline instead of letting them get away with it for so long.  They'll both be better off.