At my wits end with my 10 year old that leaves a trail everywhere...?

Question

My 10 year old is a good kid, good student, all around liked child. But at home he is constantly the target of our (the parents) nagging. I try the nice way, I try the loud way, I try talking and reasoning...The boy leaves a trail everywhere. Within 15 minutes, he'll leave a granola bar wrapper on the counter, his shoes in the middle of the floor, juice on the counter, his game on the couch, etc. Literally. We have talked and pleaded, and punished, and rewarded. The other thing, which is also caused by his inability to focus, is that he can't do one task without getting distracted on the way by 5 others. When he's told to take a shower, he spends the first 20 min. in the bathroom playing with his hair, drawing in the steam on the mirror, etc. He doesn't have ADD. But this seems to just be the "way he is". Is there a point at which you stop picking him and say, "that's just him and he can't change ?" He always feels targeted but I can't pick up after him every minute, etc.

Answer 1

He's a ten year old BOY.  That's the thing right there.  LOL  :)  Seriously, though, make a good example by picking up after yourself (I am sure that you do that already) and have him help you.  Make him feel like he is needed.  My older son is turning 10 and is gifted and talented.  Nothing makes him smile bigger (his little brother is the SAME way) than me praising him for something he "helped" me do.

I don't ask them to do anything around the house.  They are TOLD to do something and it is done.  Of course, I use please when I say it.  For example, "Please pick up the crumbs off the couch from the granola bar you ate."  It isn't a choice.  If it doesn't get done (which has happened several times - but for the most part they do what they are told to do) then he loses a privilege.

As far as the nonsense in the bathroom, if he wants to act like a kid - let him take a cold shower (if he runs out of hot water) or if the problem is really bad babysit him in the bathroom.  

Boys will be boys.  You can't pick up after him all the time.  He has to learn to do some of it for himself...and frankly, pick your battles.  Playing with the steam on the window is way better than finding him washing his hair in the toilet.  My younger son did that one when he was two..  Good thing I had just cleaned the toilet.  :) :)

Answer 2

Don't worry, he'll outgrow that phase and get into

other things.

Lighten up...

Answer 3

My kids try that and i started throwing there stuff in the trash if they left it out.  I tell my kids one time to pick it up and put it away and if they dont then i throw it in the trash.  He will stop leaving his stuff laying around if he wants to keep it.  I know it may sound cruel but i was just like you, i tried everything and was so frusterated that nothing was working.  If they leave trash on the counter then i will go get them and lead them in the kitchen and point at it.  I will make them stop whatever they are doing and go pick up there mess.  He is 10 and you shouldnt be throwing his trash away.  Make him do it!  He will get sick of being interrupted and just start doing it on his own.  My kids are 4 and 6 and they already know how to pick up after themselves.

Answer 4

Pick up his stuff and put it in your closet.  He can buy it back with his allowance.  Leaving trash around will cost him out of his allowance.   And also, I can't tell from your post, but maybe you are too uptight about everything being perfect and spotless in your house - if that is the case, you could lighten up  a little and you won't have so much to nag at him about.  Kids are messy and forgetful.  You could also work with him on setting and acheiving goals - like get in and get the shower done in 15 minutes, teach him to focus on the task at hand and not be distracted by goofing off.  You have to pick what you nag about.  Or you could set aside 15 minutes every two hours to walk through the house with him and he can pick up his own "trail" and put stuff where it belongs.

Answer 5

He sounds exactly like my 10 year old daughter.  I will be very interested to read the rest of your answers, as I am hoping for an answer that works for this problem too.    I have just resumed working and don't have the time to be 'cleaning up' all the time. Maybe we looked after our kids too well and now they find it hard to do things for themselves!

Answer 6

Do you need to pick up after him (or have him pick up after himself) every minute? My kids sometimes "leave a trail," too, but we deal with it by having a couple of clean-up times during the day.  The kids do know that if they leave stuff all over the place, by the time it gets to clean-up time they're going to have a much bigger job to do.  Yes ... doing it that way means that there are hours in the day when the house is a mess, but it also means that the kids can play creatively without focusing on cleaning up all the time, that they are still learning responsibility because they do clean up their own messes at cleanup times, and I don't spend the whole day nagging because cleanups are a given and the rest of the day I don't really worry about it.

Answer 7

Ahh, you must have my 5 year old.  He does the same exact thing.  LOL .  I usually just guide him along and say "make sure the wrapper goes in the garbage"  I feel like a broken record but he will outgrow it.  

As for the bathroom thing, I let him go.  There are worse things he could be doing than writing on the mirror or playing with his hair.  Since you know he does this, just make him go in 15 minutes earlier.

He's probaly just practicing for when he is a teenager.

Answer 8

It sounds to me like your son has ADD, and i say this  because i have two sons, one with ADD and the other with ADHD, and your son behaves like my son with ADD.  I would advise taking him to a pediatric psychiatrist who will discuss him in detail plus observe him without him knowing he is being observed.