In your opinion on if I still need a counceller to prevent myself from potentially becoming paranoid scitzophrenic? From my history and how Ive seen the illness progress in a close relative, I know that it can slowly creep and creep and creep from denial and avoidance.
I know in the past I have needed a counceller, but now because I have moved out I am happier, and have overcome initial problems myself. A quick overview: Ive had panic attacks since 10, self harmed since 12, panic attacks became as frequent as 2 or more a week from 14-18 and self harming turned into gashing myself and it the worst times I was prescribed valium. Ive never had a counceller for more than one session as I was not able to pay for it myself and my mother always found out what id been saying in the sessions, and said it was lies and took me away from it. Ive had bouts of OCD, anxiety disorder and severe depression, and this was all because of the past, then present, home circumstances due to my mother.
My mother is undiagnosed paranoid schizophrenic (ive had alot of experience figuring her out and done alot of reading) - so I know i´m at risk genetically but Ive also been gravely exposed to it, and suffering from it during my whole childhood. My grandmother was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic.
When I realised my mother was paranoid schitzophrenic, she had been for years before I realised it (I was too young to know why she acted this way) I knew she was too far gone to be helped as everything is fueled from her own denial of herself and without my dads help she was never going to have any kind of counseling as she believes shes perfectly fine. This is how it stayed.
Symptoms similar to hers that Ive seen in myself now that I have the mental room and tranquility to look back on my life are:
irrational reactions when things go wrong - I failed to pass an audition and I had a very bad panic attack, when Im mildly crying I still sometimes self harm in the form of scratches, but only as an easy way out to calm myself down ( im very experienced with self harm and these scratches I dont see as much of a threat to my life ;)!), when my boyfriend and I have an argument I can sometimes go off on a tangent and get too passionate and emotional about the subject and shouting that hes a t**t and to leave the room to let me calm down. (for the latter I do know that my mother would follow people into rooms for arguments, not leave the room) Also I do still feel some comfort in feeling depressed and have odd thoughts of liking things that are "****** up" - a sort of trancy state of mind.
Other than this I cope pretty damned well with every day life and my past. Ive become more confident, less shy and have come out of depression.
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