At what age do you discuss "the birds & bees" with your child?

Question

My son is almost ten, entering 4th grade. We have just finished a great book called It's Perfectly Normal (which I thought was fabulous) on puberty, where babies come from, and sexual activity. He responded well and we had some great open dialog.

However, when I've discussed this with friends & co-workers they tell me he's too young.

I'm also wondering how many parents are NOT having this talk with their kids and leaving it up to the schools to educate? I don't think that's the best idea as a kid I believe will be more comfortable talking to his parents about the myriad of questions gonig through his mind when he learns this stuff, rather than being ridiculed by asking in class.

My questions are:

At what age is it appropriate to talk about this with your child? Boy different than girl?

Are you planning on having this talk with your child or will you leave it to the school and why?

Thanks much in advance.

Answer 1

Defiantly do it before middle school, because if you don't tell them other kids will. And that shuts down a major communication between you and your child. I think he was fine to have the talk. My seven year old daughter knows the basic concept. I mean she knows that a man and a woman have s*x to make a baby. But she doesn't know what they actually DO during s*x. That part will come when she's ten.  

Answer 2

I think 10 is a good age.  By then they have already started talking between friends and learning from them is ok, you can't stop them, but it is also good to get the correct information from the parents. I was 7 which I think was maybe too young. I was pretty grossed out and the very next day I got on the bus and told everyone in the back rows. I don't think that it matters whether or not it is a boy or girl. I also think it is excellent to have an open relationship with your child. I believe that your child will come to you with questions then and help if he/she needs it.

Answer 3

well, i'm 15, and my parents never talked to me about that. the schools usually broach the subject at grade five. i think that when you talk to them about it, they feel awkward and less inclined to go to you in the future. since my parents never forced that discussion on me, i am quite comfortable with talking to them about "the birds and the bees" on my own.

however, you're older and wiser than me and if you feel it best to discuss this, go for it when your child is about ten. in the car, where he can't ignore you or walk away in embarrassment. lol.

and he will not be ridiculed for asking in class. typically, the health teacher asks the students to write questions anonymously on a sheet of paper. the teacher will then draw the sheets of paper one by one and answer the question.

plus, they pretty much cover everything so questions will be few and far between.

good luck, i bet you're a really great mom or dad=]

Answer 4

Honestly, I'd likely tell them sooner.  Maybe not graphic details of what occurs, but when my daughter (right now 21 months old) or son (due in Sept) figures out the difference between a boy and a girl and wants to know why, I'd explain to them about s*x.  It may be as early as 3 or as late as 10?  I don't know, but I'd say you're right on target with your son.  You knew him to be ready and mature enough to handle the truth.  My mother told me at 8 when I got curious.  My 21 month old knows that there is a baby in my tummy and that when he's born he will come out my v****a.  She watches birthing videos with me and talks about "our Carcle" being born (Carl will be his name LOL).  She's really good with the concept and is responsive to watching the videos and when the baby finally comes out sighs and says, "AWWWWWW ittle baybe!".  I figure if my kids are mature and ready to know the truth, then I'll be the one to tell them.  I think you did an awesome job with your son!  Keep it up!

Answer 5

I just answered my kids' questions as they asked them.  A 4 year old doesn't need a detailed explanation of where babies come from.  A simple answer will do it for that age.  As they get older, you can give them more detailed info when they ask.  

I had the "talk" with both of my sons since their dad wasn't around to do it.  I was embarrassed, but we got through it.  It was definitely different talking to the boys than it was with the girls.  We typically had the talk around 12 or 13.

I never left it all up to their school to teach them.  When they had the s*x ed classes, we talked about it at home, just like we discussed all their subjects.  I tried not to make it a big deal so they wouldn't feel weird talking about this with their mom.  

Answer 6

He's not too young.  I always had a clear policy of letting my kids know that I'd answer any questions they had any time, at any age.  I made sure that answers were age appropriate, but I always answered their questions about their own bodies, reproductive organs, how things work, etc.  They have a right to know and I never wanted them to feel dirty, ashamed, or as if it was alright to know all you can about, say, their heart and lungs, or their digestive system, but that any talk about their privates or reproduction was not allowed.  It's another part of their body, they have the right and responsibility to understand the care and keeping of all their parts and systems.  I make alot of mistakes as a parent, but I am proud of the fact that my kids, the older ones are now teens, can come to me (and do) and discuss alot of stuff other kids won't.  I always wanted them to get as much information from me as possible, rather than from friends and made sure that they understood I was the ultimate authority, except their doctor.  If I didn't know the answer to a question, I looked it up or encouraged them to.

Here's my background on this issue.  First of all, I was molested as a child and not having a sense of ownership of my own body made it very difficult to resist someone I should have been able to.  I was easily manipulated.  I also got pregnant as a teenager (though it didn't survive) because, even though I was very intelligent, well read, and made good grades, I was ignorant about one teensy little fact: you don't ovulate right before your period starts.  Had I known that, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant.  One small little detail.  

As a thirty-something and newly divorced parent, I began reading up on my own anatomy, trying to figure out why certain changes were taking place.  And, amazingly, I learned stuff, basic stuff, that I had never known.  Stuff my own mother, then in her 50's didn't know.  Stuff every woman should know.  And the result was a new appreciation of my own body, how things function, heal, and most of all are a part of my whole self.

Teaching your son these things now is a good thing.  Hopefully he will grow up understanding and respecting all of his body's parts and systems, and hopefully be amazed by it all, because it truly is amazing.  That book you mention is wonderful.  I bought it for my kids at around the same age and enjoyed seeing them astonished at some of the information in there.  I bought the other one by the same authors, It's Perfectly Normal, as well, as it's aimed at slightly older kids.  Consider that one in a couple years.  Keep the dialogue open and remember that this isn't just about knowing where babies come from, trying to prevent teen pregnancy or STD's, it's about allowing your son to understand and respect himself.  It's also about understanding the wonderfulness and beauty of the human design in general and about respecting the girls and women he will eventually have relationships with, sexual or not. Ultimately if he is able to have enough ownership of his person, then he is less likely to fall victim to a predator.  He will be more likely to fight for what is his and his alone.

Answer 7

I believe that every child is different and therefore will be ready at a different age.

I plan to be discussing this with my daughter when she starts asking questions giving her answers appropriate with her age. I think your approach is very healthy and will insure a great relationship with your son as he grows older.

Answer 8

well my school (catholic) covered it in 5th grade.  the class was called family life.  my mom would help me with the homework for it and elaborate on things i was curious about.  however, i think that kids know much more nowadays than we think they do.  for example, my 10 year old sister was called s**y full of pepsi in second grade (same catholic school).  and the kid who called her that knew what s**y meant.  so while 5th and 6th grade may have been considered early to educate kids my age (senior in hs), now i think younger is better, before they hear it from their friends.

my sister is going into 5th grade and i'm sure were going to cover it this year with her, before she finds out too much from friends

Answer 9

Ten is NOT too young.  Good for you for educating your son first.  I told my son when he was 7 and I think it was too young.  His father was very upset at me.