At what age do you feel a child can truly manipulate a parent?

Question

I have seen people say about infants, "let them cry because if you pick them up every time they cry they will learn how to manipulate you." I personally do not feel that is manipulation at all. That is an infant who wants to be held, snuggled and stroked. Ahh!

Any thoughts.

Answer 1

I would say from observation and personal experience that around 18-24 months old is when they can start to intentionally manipulate their parents.  That's about the time my oldest learned to twist me around his little finger :)  The kick is to not allow yourself to be manipulated.

And infant cannot.  I think that idea is completely silly.  But I do believe in letting a child cry it out for short amounts of time when you need to take care of something or when you become overwhelmed.  Sometimes you have to let them cry for a few minutes while you gather yourself and regain composure and patience.  Otherwise, I say pick your baby up and comfort him or her.  I know I do and neither of my kids are overly clingy.

Answer 2

It is manipulation The baby cries and you feed it to make it quiet. but that is the natural order of things. Babies cry because they need something. Check the baby to make sure it is not wet, hot/cold, hungry, or hurt. People have a need for physical affection, we like to be touched.

If this is about having some time to yourself then you can start teaching the baby that being alone is okay by leaving its range of vision for short periods (a minute) then gradually making them longer, until they are able to entertain themselves.

Answer 3

They can start manipulating from day one!! Trust me!! I have 2! When they are new borns then it really doesnt count but maybe at like 6 months it does!! My 6 month old girl knows how to get me!! I cant sometimes put her down to do the things i need done because she will cry untill she throws up!! But the lady that keeps her, like when i walk in the door she can be cooking and my baby will be sitting in the car seat or swing playing by herself!! But she doesnt do that for me!! So they know what they are doing!!

Answer 4

Sorry I disagree a little bit. An Infant after a few months does know that if they cry mom comes.  And In my opinion Not every time a child cries do they need to be picked up.   But a child learns very fast how to get what they want.  And i think that some of that can be manipulation.

And it only gets worse from there My son is 2 and oh man he tries his super powers of manipulation at least 10 times a day. :)

  

Answer 5

INfants, no. They understand cry=picked up. They do not deliberately seek to force you to do something in a selfish way.

Older kids...they learn as soon as parents allow themselves to BE manipulated.

Answer 6

Almost the minute it pops out....babies are designed to manipulate....their facial structure invokes maternal instincts etc etc...

This is all part of nature...it ensures the ongoing survival of the species

the term "manipulate" has very negative connotations - there's probably a better word

Answer 7

Was it Ann Landers who said, "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me"?  

I don't think that a person should ever allow themselves to be manipulated into doing what they don't want to do (but, am lousy at living that in my own over-stressed, can't say no to a volunteer position, life).  

That applies to parent/child relationships, too.

But, a parent/child relationship carries some important responsibilities to meet needs on the part of the parent - including the emotional need to feel safe, secure, loved, able to trust that they are being cared for by someone who they can count on to be there when they need them.  

And, in all relationships, there is give & take, sacrifices & trade-offs that are made, all for the sake of love, empathy, fairness, family.  Once a child gets to the point where the parent recognizes that the child is trying to be unfair to others in order to get what they need (manipulate), then the parent needs to teach them how to compromise in a fair, respectful & appreciative manner.

Edit: You can call me Marge if you want, but my actual name is Maureen :-)

Answer 8

Speaking from experience, at least 2.  Crafty little buggers....

Answer 9

Birth ;0

I think manipulation - acting a certain way to get what you want - is a very human characteristic and is sometimes given a negative or bad rap.  Newborns do manipulate us - out of sheer instinct to live.  They cry until they are taken care of because otherwise, they would not survive.  They require cuddling and holding to form a bond with another human.

It is up to the parent to know what the manipulation is for the deteriment or good of the child.. the toddler who comes to you for a hug so he gets a cookie is motivated differntly than the one that comes for a hug to get attention.  



   I guess that is why it makes more sense to give attention for good behavior and none for bad.  We manipulate them into behaving certain ways for reward.    

Answer 10

Infants only gradually develop a sense of themselves as separate from the rest of the world; the world of a newborn is just a boundary-less flux of unmediated sensation.

So for the first few months the child "as about as capable of manipulating you as it is of playing snooker" - as one baby book I read put it. They cry and vocalise and behave in certain ways in order to elicit maternal responses... but that's hard-wiring from millions of years of primate evolution, not intentional manipulation by that individual child.

Of course, at 4am when the house looks like a slum and you can't get baby back to sleep after its feed for the sixth night in a row, and you're not thinking straight due to sheer exhaustion... then it sure *feels* like manipulation.

Toddlers, on the other hand, are starting to have a theory of mind. Toddlers can certainly manipulate you (LOL).

Best wishes: Sarah's more pretentious other half.

Answer 11

It doesn't matter the age, it depends on how easily the parent is manipulated and how good the child is at doing it.