At what point do you accept that someone is going to be an absentee grandfather?

Question

My father lives out of state and has had very little to do with my nine month old son, his only grandchild. He has seen him twice, which both times involved me driving several hours and him barely taking an interest (other then snapping a couple of pictures of my brother holding my son). He hardly ever calls, never writes me back when I send pictures and talks about himself and my brother (who has always been the favorite child).

He called me for the first time in a month last night because he was worried that he hadn't heard from my older brother in almost a week....and made no mention of my son's well-being.

What do you think...bring it up or accept the fact that he is just going to be a absentee grandfather?

On a side note, my husband is livid with my father over this and would like me to just cut him out of life completely as he really hasn't played much of a role in the past five years. I'm beginning to think he is write and am terribly hurt by his actions.

Answer 1

The real trick would be just to accept it AS IT IS without cutting him out of  your lives or anything else.  That is, just let it go.  Could you do that?  Your father is obviously not engaged in you or your son, but "punishing" him won't even have an effect, I gather.

So

just

let

go...

.

.

.

.

if you can.  Livid is a waste of your husband's precious energy, too, btw.  Spend your energy on each other and your darling son.  Be well and happy together, and when you become grandparents, shower love on your grandbabies.

Answer 2

"Absentee" grandfather?  What?

Although it is a shame that your father doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with your son, he is not *required* to have any such interaction.  I understand that that might make you feel upset and it certainly isn't normal, but the time to accept his absenteeism is *now*.

Answer 3

Your husband is right, your father is not doing you any favors by not being a grandpa to your son.