At what point do you call transgender sick?

Question

If my husband decides he wants to be a woman and feels that he is a man in a woman's body should I go along with it and still love him because we have kids together? So many people are saying that this is normal but at what point do we draw the line and say that this is sick?

Answer 1

It's been researched to death, and there is no evidence that being transsexual in and of itself makes someone less healthy or functional of a person -- so why should we call it "sick?"

There is a great deal of evidence that societal prejudice, along with not allowing people to live as the gender they truly are can MAKE someone sick though. Whereas folks who are allowed to transition smoothly often live very happy and healthy lives. In fact, here's a couple hundred women who did just that:

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/T...

I don't know what denomination you are so i can't say what G-d's opinion is on the matter from your perspective. I know in my synagogue irreconcilable differences are considered appropriate grounds for divorce, but in this case our rabbis would probably discourage it, because they respect that transsexual people are the genders they say they are. And they also know from experience that when people are allowed to do self-care they are also able to be more emotionally available to their children and families.

I've known a couple of transsexuals to transition with in families. Some marriages lasted, some didn't. It isn't an easy transition, and tends to be work for all folks involved, but the payoff is a happier healthy family in the long run. If your husband is indeed transsexual, he is currently living a lie pretending he is a man. Its a very painful thing having to constantly hide your true self from the people you love.

It's not an easy question to ask, but you have to ask it: do you love your husband for who you thought he was, or who he really is?

Answer 2

Transgender  is never "sick" unless the Transgender person is deeply conflicted in which case she/he needs psychiatric care to identify issues and look at what it really means to make the change from one gender to another. A highly conflicted transgender person is at risk for self injury, suicide attempts or danger to others such as excessive drinking and driviing or getting in physical fights.

Do not "go along" with your husband on anything, even if it is "for the kids sake." Has your husband told you he is transgender?  Maybe you have not asked him.  Maybe he enjoys cross-dressing and you mistake this for Transgender.

GOOD LUCK

to you, Hubby, & Kids

PS anything you don't know yet, just ask the kids. They probobly know the answers to your questions.

GOD? Are you Catholic?  If not do you have any religious preference? If you are confused about the spiritual issues please speak to a pastor. I recommend the Unitarian Universalist Church as you are less likely to be judged there.

Answer 3

To best answer to your hypothetical question, I feel that you need educate yourself and perhaps meet some of these hypothetical people, while realizing that they are no more sick than any other person.

and honestly, I would get rid of your TV, there a waist of time and energy, and seem to cause you to spend a great deal of time dreaming up hypothetical questions to problems surrounding people you'll probably never meet.

Answer 4

i don't, if people are born into the wrong body then they should be able to change it...

Answer 5

You're ignorant and you're slicing two types of trans together.

Nothing sick there except your skewed views.

Answer 6

I'd get the h**l out of there. People with kids have split up for less twisted reasons. I think you would damage your kids more by staying. Hes probably g*y anyway.

Answer 7

While I can understand the stress it causes the family unit when a person comes out as trans, I also see a lot of trans people who hurt and suffer the repercussions based on a society that is so fixated on gender being a binary that they can't see how much they hurt the trans person too.  

If a person is truly trans, do you really think they WANT to hurt their family?  Sooo many trans people end up divorced, lose their homes, their children, their jobs, ect.  It's definitely not an easy way of life.  I know, I'm a trans guy.  

But I also understand a person's preferences.  However, whatever happened to "in sickness and in health"? not that I believe transsexuality is a sickness, but it's nothing they can help or change. Would you divorce a person and take away their children if your partner had a stroke? What if they developed schizophrenia?  I think these things are things people should REALLY take into consideration before diving into the realms of marriage and producing offspring with another person.  

Answer 8

never? i dont care what they choose to do in their life unless theyre killing people =/ and staying with your husband is your own choice

Answer 9

Only a counselor skilled in these matters can tell if your husband's feelings are genuinely caused by gender misplacement or some other cause.

Seek a psychiatrist who specializes in this sort of thing. And do it soon.

Answer 10

He's not sick anymore than someone g*y is. Which is to say, if you didn't get this, not at all. If you're both still in love then it makes sense to stay together. If you're ready to call him sick, maybe it's not worth it.

God will accept you either way. If he's transitioning and you can't deal with it, that's what matters.

Answer 11

You never draw some line and say it's sick. It's normal. Get used to it.  

Answer 12

The guy(girl) on Oprah got pregnant, why not? lol

Answer 13

you could test him... see  if he gets off to cross dressing... if not, then his feelings are genuine if he does then he is just a pervert

wither or not you stay with him is up to you... personally i wouldn't marry a man who turnes out to be a woman

if youre going to involve god in this... what do you suppose god would say about a husband acting like a woman instead of leading and protecting his family?

Answer 14

When they start vomiting, have a nasty rash over most of their body, or a high fever, then I'd call them sick.

As for god and marriage, me and the big guy have made a deal. I won't interfere in his personal relationships, and he doesn't interfere in mine.

Answer 15

I think this is about your comfort level rather than a floating definition.

Call it sick if you need to in order to distance yourself from it, but understand that transitioning is generally considered to be part of a cure rather than a sickness.

As fas as 'god' is concerned, it would depend which 'god' you refer to.  If I assume you are a christian, the vows you made before 'god' include 'for better, for worse' which means it's not okay, whether you see transitioning as a sickness or a cure.

Answer 16

First, it's a common misconception that someone "decides" to be transgender.  More commonly a person has feelings of gender issues all their life and eventually realizes (or always knew) their gender issue.

Second, I would highly suggest that you speak to a professional therapist about your own concerns about whether your husband is sick, as well as (since you love the man you married) couples counseling.  You may find that your love is with the person within and can stay, or you may find the your love was with the outside, in which case it wouldn't.

With regard to God's view, I can't answer for you - I would advise you to meditate on the words of the Christ personally (if you are Christian) and find where His teachings lead you, but you might find you wish to discuss with the leader of your congregation (minister/pastor/priest - I'm assuming you're Christian, forgive me the slight if you aren't)

Answer 17

At any point.  It is not what God intended or he would have made them the other gender.

Answer 18

never.  

Answer 19

Dude make up your own mind on an important decision.  If I told you it was sick would you leave his perverted sorry ***?

Answer 20

i dont. people are people.  

Answer 21

Should you "go along" with it? Hmm...NO, you shouldn't go along with it. If you love your husband and you feel he has serious gender issues, then you should love him unconditionally and be supportive.

However, if his reasons for "being" transgender is because of some underlying fetishtic fantasies, then I would have issue with that.

Also, will or does he shirk his responsibilities as a parent because he is too self absorbed with his issues. That could have a serious impact on your relationship and family integrity.

As a former gender counsellor I have seen some very irresponsible transitions as well as very well planned ones.

You should know your husband well enough to form these opinions to decide what's best for you and your family.

In the mean time, I would suggest you see a good gender counsellor and participate in his therapy sessions. Denial (out of sight, out of mind) will only make matters worse.

Best of luck hon.

Answer 22

I agree with the following comments:

Keli said: “Should you "go along" with it? Hmm...NO, you shouldn't go along with it. If you love your husband and you feel he has serious gender issues, then you should love him unconditionally and be supportive.”

Vulpin said: “First, it's a common misconception that someone "decides" to be transgender. More commonly a person has feelings of gender issues all their life and eventually realizes (or always knew) their gender issue.

Second, I would highly suggest that you speak to a professional therapist about your own concerns about whether your husband is sick, as well as (since you love the man you married) couples counseling. You may find that your love is with the person within and can stay, or you may find the your love was with the outside, in which case it wouldn't.”

Zerk said: “If your husband is indeed transsexual, he is currently living a lie pretending he is a man. Its a very painful thing having to constantly hide your true self from the people you love.

It's not an easy question to ask, but you have to ask it: do you love your husband for who you thought he was, or who he really is?”

You sound like you’re still in shock about this whole this.  I would urge you to educate yourself about transsexualism.  This is an excellent exhaustive site:

http://www.LynnConway.com

Also you could try reading:

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/True-Se...

Another good source of info for you would be:

http://www.Transfamily.org

They have lots of support, including message boards, for spouses and significant others.

You have to decide what you want.  Do you love this person or this a deal breaker for you?  We can’t answer that question for you.  All we can do is give you tools that’ll help you get a handle on this situation.

Good Luck!

Answer 23

What is sick is someone not transitioning because his/her spouse is a close-minded bigot. Do you understand that if your husband is trans that she has been profoundly unhappy for much of her life, if not her whole life.

If you love your husband, you will love her. Whether or not this becomes a divorce is another matter. What your husband is doing is not sick, she is doing what she needs to, so she can finally be happy.

I hope you begin to look at this situation with new eyes, because you point of view is really skewed.

Answer 24

I don't believe it is ever sick, but I suppose this is up to you.

Ask yourself--if you had been married to him for years, or if you were a guy and he was your wife and you had been married to her for years, and then had biological kids with her/him or whatever, etc, etc, etc. And you couldn't be happier with this person, and then they one day say "So before we were married, I had a s*x change operation," would you be okay with that since you are technically with someone of the same gender, you just didn't know it for so long?

Idono if its easier for you to look at it from that opposite angle, but that's what I would try to do. Its all up to you, but if you really love this person, then it wouldn't matter the gender.  If the gender switch makes you feel any less for him, then maybe it's better for you both if you left.

If it's meant to be, it will be.