At what point do you have to draw the line between your personal life and your family?

Question

This is actually a serious question for once.

Well, my wife's family lives in near Denver, CO and they are pretty much stuck in a rut. Her 2 brothers don't do anything (they are 20 and 22) and her 19 year old sister is pregnant now, and her mom supports all of them. So her mom has always been and is still completely broke.

Plus, my wife's grandfather is dying, and her uncle (mom's brother) has a hole in his head from a tumor and will probably die this week.

On the other hand, my wife and I are doing pretty good here in CA. She has a great job with really nice benefits and promotion opportunities. Mine is kinda lame, but whatever. Either way, if we stay here we can really get somewhere with our lives. So the problem is is that my wife wants to be around her family to help them. But if we move to their miserable city, I have a feeling we will just be stuck crawling through life with her family.

So the question is, should we stay here and make something of ourselves, and hopefully make lots of money that can help her family? Or should we move with them and help them physically, but risk not getting anywhere in life like they are going through?

Answer 1

no defend your own life

don't let her do this

this is YOUR life man, this is your chance to make your own family

children, think about the ones you'll have, put them before your wife's family...just keep them in mind....would you like them living that life?

please dude just tell your wife NO

Answer 2

If any of them need in-home assistance it is available through the government.  There is no need for your wife to play nurse maid to her extended family.

I say extended family as now "her family" lives in your home and you are making your life together...  Her family has made its life choices and they seem to be different from yours and hers...  The best help she can give them is from a distance.  The best help she can give her marriage is to stay put and make a good life.

Stay Strong young man

Chill_factor9

Answer 3

I think you really know the answer in your heart of hearts.  At some point you have to focus on you and your wife, and no its not selfish, because it sounds like you are willing to help in other ways, and you are not cutting off contact completely.  

It sounds like your wife may have the same temperment as her mother, which is  to help in any way she can even at her own peril.  You can simply and lovingly say that it is in your family's (you and her) best interest to stay where you are, so you can stay objective, let her know and give her examples of how you are willing to help.  Be supportive, it may be difficult for her to let go but in the end she will thank you.  Remember it will be difficult process for her to come to terms with what's best, and staying in CA sounds like the answer.

Good Luck

Answer 4

Stay where you're at and take care of your ownself. The mom needs to set the others straight.  

Answer 5

If you are doing well in CA, then you should consider staying... build the life you both need.

If she uproots you and takes the household back to misery holler, your marriage might not stand. You will indeed be stuck in the mud with her family.

You know that your wife will be giving your paychecks away to these mooching relatives. She's been trained that way.

Her mother is the only one who can draw the boundaries... it is up to her to quit supporting her mooching kids. Just because the MIL doesn't have the sense to kick her adult kids out and tell them to get jobs and support themselves, doesn't mean that you have to help support these mooches.