At what point do you let your baby "cry it out" ?

Question

I'm asking this question for a friend of mine who has a 4 month old daughter. He daughter still wakes up frequently during the night to eat and my poor friend is horribly exhausted! She knows that 4 months is still way too young to let her baby "cry it out" at night, but she still wants to know at what age she should. I told her around 6-8 months sounded like a good time to me, but I wasn't sure. I don't have any kids yet...I'm still 36 weeks pregnant with my first. At what age do you stop feeding your baby at night and let her self-sooth? She isn't breastfeeding, if that makes a difference.

Answer 1

I don't think I'd ever let my baby cry it out.. I'm not sure a baby should be left to cry until they aren't really babies and you can understand if they actually need something or and they can understand to learn how to ask for something..

Answer 2

i never used that term cry it out to my baby.i always make sure that i give what she needs. shes a baby and cant tell you whats really wrong with them thats why crying is their sense of communication.

Answer 3

In my personal opinion...never.

My kids have both been horrible sleepers, but i have and would never resort to letting them 'cry it out'.

Feeding at night...i will feed for as long as they seem to need/want it. My daughter was having 1 feed overnight till she was nearly 18 months and my son is 10 months and still having multiple feeds at night...both breastfed.

Answer 4

Unfortunately it's normal for babies to wake for feeds up until 6-8 months..even then is may continue but hopefully be only ONCE a night.

She can also try "controlled crying"...this worked for me and for quite a few of my friends. As long as Bub is only waking as it's become a routine for her then I believe this is ok.

I took my daughter to the DR first to make sure she was physically fine prior to trying this.

You do need patience to try this as once you start you need to be CONSISTENT!!

We recently had to put this back in place for my 18mth old and it worked after 2 nights!

Firstly she needs to develop a night time routine...same thing every night.

When bub wakes up she needs to go in the room...no talking, no eye contact, no cuddling...settle bub again e.g. tuck her back in. Then say:"Goodnight", "its bed time"...whatever she chooses to say-  then walk out of the room.

Leave her to cry for 5 mins...go back in and do it again...MAKE SURE

no talking, no eye contact, no cuddling. Once again say: Goodnight...bed time.

Leave her to cry for 10 mins this time...same routine again.

Then space it out for another 5 mins...so the next time will be 15 mins...then 20 mins etc.

She will eventually fall alseep...

PERSISTENCE, CONSISTENCY & PATIENCE are the keys

Good Luck! Maybe this will come in handy for you too one day.

Answer 5

I can't believe that people pregnant with their first baby like you actually envision using CIO before even having a baby.  Aren't your images of having a baby to nuture and to love them, to tend to their every need?  Not to ignore them and leave them to feel unloved.  If someone had asked me at what point to use CIO when I was pregnant, I would've said I wouldn't recommend ever using it.  I now have an 11 month old, and though I've many sleepless nights and my daughter still doesn't sleep through the night now (though she is breastfed) I would never ever leave her to cry it out.  Encourage your friend to perservere with nurturing the baby, don't just feed them every time they wake - she may just be doing it out of habit now.

Answer 6

I am doing it right now with my 7 month old. I started letting her cry a bit after feeding her at about 3 months but am only now not feeding her. with my first i stopped feeding and let her cry at about 5 months. every baby is different.

Answer 7

After you have done everything possible to soothe the baby, changing, feeding, etc.... lay the child back down and let them cry for about ten minutes, 90% of the time they will fall asleep.There is nothing wrong with this.The child's needs have been met. Give them a cuddle and lay them down. Babies need to learn to soothe themselves as well. I realize that some moms will pick up a baby every time it cries. They will be sorry later. Babies especially need to become accustomed to night time schedules vs. a day one. New moms need sleep to properly care for their babies . By the way, I did this from the time I brought my children home from the hospital.If she asked her pediatrician I guarentee he/ she/ will tell her that allowing them to cry themselves to sleep for a small amount of time is not bad.  

Answer 8

The answer depends on what side of the fence you sit.  If you believe that it is ok to let bubby cry, then some will say 6 months old is generally when it is ok to try the controlled crying/cry it out approach. This is because that at around 6 months, most children have acquired 'object permanence' which just means that they understand that something still exists even if they can't see it.  Prior to this time, if they can't see something then it no longer exists, if mum's (or other trusted caregiver) not there, i'm alone in the world; if i drop that toy i won't look for it as it no longer exists.   If you want to do the attachment parenting thing, they say that around 3 years old is the time.  This is because this is when you are able to communicate with your child about what is happening.  I personally choose the attachment parenting approach purely because it fits with my personal style.  

Bear in mind, some children (not all) can become fearful of their cots when they are left to cry in them as they associate it with abandonment. You just have to choose the approach that you feel the most comfortable with, there is no right or wrong, every mum and bub are different.  Good luck with your impending birth and i hope your friend gets some sleep soon ;)

Answer 9

I'd love to know how the answer of 'my beautiful baby' isn't the cry-it-out method? Because children can't speak, they cry for every emotion we express with words; not only feeling hungry or tired, but irritated, bored, and even just for the sake of making a sound. By not rushing to your child's aid every time they make a sad sounding noise, you're teaching it to cry just for attention, which can create enormous problems throughout it's childhood.

To answer the question: I don't have any children but by using common sense (not implying that it isn't a difficult time), I'd say the best time is between 5 and 7 months, depending on the rate of your child's development.

Re MBB: Thanks for clarifying that your method isn't CIO, as it wasn't entirely clear in your original entry. Even though I'm not a parent, I can comprehend the difficulty of leaving your child crying and ignoring it, but that action is not synonymous with abandoning your child's needs. Regardless or our differing opinions on the subject, I am genuinely glad that your technique has worked for you and your daughter, and sincerely apologise if I've offended you.

Answer 10

my daughter is 1. ive never used CIO, never will. as for fancy ways of saying it - controlled crying, ferber..... no, your child is crying because its needs havent been met, and for that parent to ignore that is major parenting failure. as for people saying the child will be clingy if you dont allow them to CIO - no, they wont. my daughter is an extremely sociable, independent and smart little girl.

if you think all babies needs are met and they are still crying, i bet just giving them a cuddle works - babies need love and security. baby didnt ask to be here so why should it be ignored.

i withdrew night feeds at 10 mos, and teaching her to self soothe was hard for a few nights as i would not let her sob alone in her cot on her own, wondering why mummy wasnt coming. babies dont just know how to do these things, they need to be taught and feel safe throughout. i believe if you let baby cry it out, bedtime will be associated as a time where baby is alone and upset. im glad i had a few sleepless night and taught my daughter the nice way than left her on her own.

ETA to javroll

NO my approach was NOT cry it out. id lay her down in her cot, with a pacifier, cover her up say goodnight, walk out of sight NOT out of the room. she'd stand up, start to whine, id lay her down cover her up, say goodnight - this went on for hours at no point was my child left crying or sobbing - so this is where you are incredibly misinformed about my answer and approach to parenting. at no point in my answer did i say she was crying.

i also find it incredibly laughable that someone with no parenting experience whatsoever can comment. i completely respect the parents who say 'well it worked for me' - fine, but i dont belive in it and i do it a different way.

Answer 11

you cnt plan it, it just has to come naturally..you will know when the time is right as you get to know your baby when he/she arrives!!

if your friends baby is still waking at night then she should try a meal with a bottle about an hour before bed...she is 4 months so the powder food would be sufficent or the jars of baby food.. this is what i did with one of my children to settle them at night so that they would go through the night..

and its safe to let a baby "cry it out" for a while before picking them up.. the more the child cries and the more the mother picks up the  baby the baby is thinking ah when i cry mummy comes!! so let her get used to crying out for a little while.. ( so long as you know nothing is wrong)

good luck