At what point in your relationship did you get engaged?

Question

I've been with my bf for three year now, and sometimes I start to wonder why I'm still just his "girlfriend" and nothing more. We've spoken about marriage in detail and we both want to have a future together... but I feel like everyone else is actually going through with these promises and that we are just speaking words, but taking no actions. We are young, but mature, responsible, and have already saved up quite a lot for our futures. There is really nothing holding us back. Our families love each other and support our relationship 100%. I don't want to nag or pressure him, but I don't want to be just his "girlfriend" forever.

At what point in your relationship did you take the "next step" and get engaged? Where were you both career-wise? School? How long had you been together at the time?

Answer 1

How young are you?  If you're quite young then your age might be the hinderance.  

My husband and I were together for a year before he proposed and we were married a year after that.  We met when we were 25 and married at 27.

Answer 2

The EXACT same situation happened to me.  We were together for over two and a half years (and living together for two of that.)  I hadn't felt antsy yet because we were still relatively young (24) and I assumed that he just wasn't quite ready yet for such a significant commitment.

Well I decided that I wanted a private ceremony (even if we wanted a big reception later) and so presented that, thinking that it would make things easy.  But then he said he wasn't unsure about the COMMITMENT, but about whether he wanted to get married at all.  (He didn't see the necessity of the labels and the religious rite and all of that.)  We talked about it a lot over several weeks and he eventually became more comfortable with it.  

Of course, once we told family they insisted on being at the ceremony, haha.  But we're limiting it to immediate family and then having a big fun reception the next day (New Year's Eve!  woot!)

So, I recommend you sit down and have a lot of discussions about this.  You won't come to a conclusion immediately, but perhaps start with, "So, I'm thinking that for myself I'm starting to feel ready for the legal commitment of marriage.  It's important to me that we make that transition because....[insert your thoughts.  Greater commitment, how society perceives you, need it for comfort, whatever]"

He'll come to eventually :)

Just please don't wait around for him since this is important to you.  Don't pressure him, but start the discussion.  If I hadn't, I'd probably have had to wait another 10 years for him to even think about it, and he may never have brought it up at all!

Answer 3

I've been with my fiance for 11 years and we just got engaged last X-Mas.

We were both 17 when we first met eachother and started going out.

Why did it take so long?

Well, no reason really. We've been living together for most of our years together. Just in the beginning, both of us were very young, very stupid and I dunno, we just became comfortable with eachother and what we had.

So comfy that we didn't even think about marriage.

Now that we're older though and slightly more mature :P heh

We want children, we want that whole married thing.

Answer 4

Well I got engaged after a year and a half.  I was in grad. school and he was in nursing school.  

I wouldn't rush or nag him.  He will do it when he is ready.  You never know he could be making payments on a ring right now without your knowledge.

Answer 5

We were friends for about 3.5 years -- during which he told me he was interested a few times and I told him I didn't feel the same way.

About 18 months ago, when we were both in grad school, we took the relationship to a more physical level, but I still wasn't ready to commit.

About 15 months ago, he told me I had to commit or we had to stop because he was falling for me too much. I committed.

About 5 months ago we got engaged.

The entirety of our relationship has been semi-long distance (we see each other on weekends). We are moving in together this summer and will be getting married next year.

How would you feel about proposing to him instead of waiting for him to propose to you? I proposed to my boyfriend -- after being so hesitant for all those times when he was putting his heart on the line, I figured it was about time I took a risk.

My fiance was blown away by all the thought and romance that I put into the proposal, but I know other women who can't imagine doing that. Think about whether or not it's something that you think you could do. I think it would definitely make you feel less like you're waiting around.

Answer 6

I got engaged 7 months into my relationship

Answer 7

My fiance and I had been together for three and a half years when we got engaged. We were both out of school, had great, steady jobs, a nice apartment (we still rent, but live in a major city). We were both 25 and will be 26 when we get married.

We both knew we would be getting married about a year and a half into our relationship, but it was kind of understood that we needed to wait until we were more stable financially and had more cash flow, etc. We enjoyed our time as boyfriend and girlfriend and never felt rushed and never felt like things were moving too slow.

My advice to you is to not worry about it. When the time is right, it'll happen. If in a year from now, you're both in the same situation, then maybe it'll be time to talk to him and say you'd like to move forward.

But like you said, you're young, and just because you're mature and responsible doesn't mean that it's the right time for both of you. Maybe your boyfriend wants to wait a few more years so that you guys can buy a house together, or so he can buy you a better ring and give you the wedding of your dreams. Whatever the reason, it sounds like in this situation, taking it slow for now is the right choice. These days, couples have the option of living together before marriage, which gives you more time together before rushing into marriage. Just enjoy this stage of your life. At one point in my own relationship with my now fiance, I wondered if maybe we should get married and if things were moving too slow, but then I realized that we should just enjoy every step we take together, and what happens, happens. When we finally got engaged, it was SO worth the wait :) And it will be for you, too.

Hope this helps, hun.

Answer 8

My fiance and I just became engaged on May 20, 2008.  We started dating in August 2002.  So, we dated almost six years before becoming engaged.  I also  felt like you do now...I constantly asked myself if it would ever really happen for me.  Everyone around us was getting married and having children.  It became so frustrating at times to see all these people moving forward.  His brother met his wife and within three months she was pregnant and they were engaged.  I couldn't help but feel jealous when that happened for them.  However, looking back now i am so glad that we've taken things so slow because I honestly feel that marriage would've added an extra burden on us.  I always wondered why my fiance wouldn't move forward, so finally I just had to straight up ask and he said the only reason was b/c he didn't really know how to do the whole ring thing (sounds crazy I know).  He kinda asked me right then and there and we picked out the ring together.  It wasn't the fairy tale proposal I dreamed of, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I   know this is the last thing you want to hear, but patience does pay off in the end.

Answer 9

its different for everyone. my bf and i have been dating for 2 months and we already want to get married. we have been best friends and room mates fpr 2 years and one day we just realized that we were meant to be. theres not "right ir wrong time" its all in the heart. tell him how you feel, tell him you love and want to spend the rest of your life with him, speak from your heart and see what he has to say. good luck!

Answer 10

I met my fiance in the 7th grade. We're 23 now, so 12 years has been a lot.

I've had my Associates degree going on two years here shortly and own my own event planning business.

He is temporally being a probate Realtor so we can make a good profit for our future (wedding, house, kids, etc.)

While doing all this, we flip some on the probate properties together which we love doing.

Answer 11

My fiance and I actually been thru h**l and back. We've been toghether for 2 1/2 years and its had its ups and down but we've mange to stay strong. I never even thought about marriage since we were fighting so much but he was always thinking about it. Even when I became pregnant with our daughter, I didn't care about it. Then on January 10, 2008, we went to the mall, because I was pregnant, my feet were sore and I was resting, he told me he was going to the restroom and he'll be right back. Anyways, we got home, argued for a while and then marriage came up. The first time we ever even talked about it. We had taken that step. Then I was laing down and he was knelt down talkin to me as he always did. I wasn't expecting anything, then he asked me. And I said yes. Some people mature faster than others. Maybe he's seen a side of marriage that he doesn't want to experience. I know I have. I have seen the worse divorce in history and that scares me. It is ok to bring it up and have a serious convo. When you say I don't wanna pressure you they feel pressured. Just go to him and say "I would love to have a mature convo about our relationship." Don't day I think we should get married. Ask him how does he feel about it and continue from there. Some people just don't wanna be married and if that's the way he feels, then the next question is, are you willing to accept that?

Answer 12

Well, we meet when i was 27 and after 2months we live in together. then we talk that we will live in for 1yr to know each other before we talk about the next step. but after three months that we are together we get engages and  after three   month we get married because he wants to start a family already and i want also.

so we did get married 7 months that we know each other it's very fast and now we are 2yrs happily married.

Answer 13

We were engaged after three years together. At that time, we were both in college. Now, 5 years later, we are living together, working full time, and finally planning our wedding.

Oh, and we started dating at age 17. Engaged at 20, getting married at 25.

Answer 14

My fiance and I were together for almost 4 years before he finally proposed. We started talking about marriage only a couple of months into the relationship. I moved in with him after 6 months and we bought a house together after 2 years of dating. I started getting worried that he was never going to propose, just like you are. Then I realized that we would get married some day, I just had to wait for him to be prepared. Some men think way ahead in life and I think it scares them. He will ask as soon as he is ready. And who knows, he may have already gotten a ring and is waiting for the right time! Good Luck!

Answer 15

My fiance' and I had known each other four years, been best friends for three, and been dating a year and five months when he proposed. The time is different for everyone. We settled on a year, and eleven month engagement, and will be married next September =] Have you two spoken of marriage outside of your mutual desire for a future? If not, bring it up, and see how he feels. You have dedicated three years to him, so you have every right to know if that was a good investment =)

Answer 16

Well, I honestly think he asked me to marry him because I wouldn't move in with him.  I've already been in two relationships that went on ad nauseum without marriage and really had no interest in doing that again.  While there are exceptions, if he hasn't asked you to marry him after say 3 years, he's comfortable the way he is and doesn't WANT to get married, at least to you.   If you are still doing this in 2 years, let me clue you.  It isn't going to happen.

Oh, and we started dating last Fall.

Answer 17

i think you answered your own question. you said you are "young". you didn't say how young.. but it sounds like your boyfriend is waiting until you are both older which is the smart thing to do.

Answer 18

He proposed on our 1 year anniversary. We've been engaged for exactly 1yr and 5 months and are planning to get married August of 09 so at the time we'll have been engaged 2yrs and just short of 6months. I have to admit though that he did ask me to marry him after dating for two months (we knew that we didn't just want what was between us to ever slip by) but the engagement came later, obviously. When he proposed he was working at a local factory, which he soon left there after and I was in school. And I'll start back to school yet again after we get married and although I will have a part time job he will support us mostly then he will go to school after I graduate or possibly as a part time student while I go full time, since we both had to delay schooling for family obligations.

Good Luck.

Answer 19

I'm 21, been together 1 year and we've kind of talked about it but we just need more time. I suspect it will happen in 2 years or so. How old are you??

Answer 20

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we're not engaged yet. I'm 24 and we are both studying full time so we want to wait until we have both finished our education before we think about marriage. I think it's different for different people.

If he has expressed that he would like a future with you, perhaps he is just waiting for the right time or saving to buy a ring.

Answer 21

when you've spoken about marriage, did it sound promising? does it sounds like something he wants to do? i've known people to be engaged for 5-10 years simply because they were ready. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year and have been looking for rings for about 2 months. however, we've been through much more than any other couple (a pregnancy, a miscarriage, a house, owning 2 businesses, numerous vacations...) don't get discouraged, when the time's right, it will happen. you guys sound like you care about each other.

Answer 22

He said "I love you" on first date, proposed on third date.  We were engaged for 15 mo,

[EDIT} We were both in college--he was a senior, I was a sophomore.  We did have time to get to know each other even tho our schools were 1 hr. away.  We called & wrote each day.  When he accepted a job in another state I moved there because the wedding was only 4 mo. away & I wanted to establish myself in a new college.

Once married he started & completed his Master's as well as working full-time, I finished my B.A., started grad school, had a baby & a job as well as doing volunteer work.  My husband did occasional engineering work on the side.  We had plenty of time for each other but not much money.  That didn't seem to bother us.