At what point should you no longer care for an elderly relative at home?

Question

From the perspective of the senior

and from the perspective of the carer?

What would the situation have to be for you to put them in a nursing home?

Answer 1

If it's just me who is caring for the person, if he/she is bedridden, that's when I would send them off to the nursing home, cos I don't have the strength for it. But then, I'd make a visit to the nursing home every day and care for the person there. Plus, they have the facilities for it.

Answer 2

We were looking after my mum at home but as her condition deteriorated it was progressively harder as I was also caring for my wife.

Mum had to be toileted, dressed, fed. It was difficult physically trying to care for two and this was the reason why mum went to a nursing home. She enjoyed it there.

Once in the nursing home it is imperative that the relative not be forgotten. They should be visited regularly, take them out.Maybe for a drive or picnic. Home for meals every now and then, overnight stays at home. It all helps.

Answer 3

I would listen to a professional´s advice from outside the family. Caring for an elderly family member at home is very straining. The caretakers can get sick, too, if they are overwhelmed by the task and their every day lives. So I would stay in close contact with a doctor, health care professional or else and ask them what thy think.

Answer 4

Every situation is different but if/when they require round-the-clock care and supervision.  If they need to be supervised so that they won't hurt themselves or wander off or (God forbid) burn the house down.  Also, if they have medical conditions that require monitoring then a nursing home is probably the best place for them.  That being said, don't abandon them to the nursing home.  Visit them frequently (even daily) and let them know they are loved.  Sometimes this is the hardest part for the care-giver because it is time consuming and it is easy to start skipping days and going on with your other daily routines.  Good luck and God bless you and yours.

Answer 5

When they are a danger to themselves or the home they are in when left alone and when you don't have the energy or the strength to care for them.  

Answer 6

Last year and a bit before,I had to look after my grandmother here at home or we would have lost our family home.It was sheer h**l.She'd had a stroke and was stark raving mad.She couldn't walk,had to be spoon fed and diapered.Her Dr.'s had never seen someone in her state being looked after at home rather than being in a nursing home.But I had to do it or we would have lost our home.We couldn't keep up the house and pay for a nursing home Yes,for her it was better to be in her own home,she wanted it that way,but it was so hard on my mom and me looking after her.It was as bad as it gets.

Answer 7

I will give you my answer from personal experience.

My father was suffering from Alzhiemers. My Grandmother  still lived alone in her own home ( not needing a great deal of assistance BUT..) my mother spent her time looking after my dad and going back and forth to my grandmother...

Dad got to the stage where he was becoming violent( totally out of character) .. and mum was becoming over-tired and extremely stressed out. I really feared that there was a risk of her running herself into the ground and suffering serious health problems herself. My sibblings and I are spread out across the country and could not be there to help as much as we would have liked too....

After one call from my mother, where she sounded distressed and completely worn out .. I made the decision to make a trip home to try and convince her to place dad in care... NOT because we DIDN'T care... but because we did.

It was the hardest thing my mother has ever had to do ... she felt guilty but at the same time understood that she could not have coped for much longer..

As it was .. my tiny father KO'ed a big male nurse soon after he was placed in care... It could have been mum.

Answer 8

When they become a danger to themselves.  I had a friend whose mother had Alzheimers and needed a live in caregiver, however, several times in the middle of the night when the caregiver was fast asleep his mom got up and wandered around the neighbourhood in her nightgown (this was in the middle of winter too).  So at that point he had to put her in a nursing home where there was always someone around to keep an eye on her in case she wandered off.

Answer 9

When they p**p their diapers.

Answer 10

Most seniors would like to remain at home and be as independent as possible for as long as possible.

It would helpful to utilize the services of registered home care givers or home health nurses to avoid putting someone in a nursing home if possible.

If the person being cared for gets to the point where they cannot be cared for properly at home, i.e., the caregiver cannot assist the person as needed, the senior is combative and is a danger to him/herself, or is rapidly declining in health, etc.   After all options for home care are exhausted one might want to put them in a nursing home.

Nursing home placement should be a last resort, and the family of the senior must visit often and keep tabs on the health and safety of their senior, because otherwise, there is room for the facility to overlook, abuse, or forget the resident.

Answer 11

All of my mother's siblings (all 4 of them) rotated in caring for my grandmother. They lived in Southern Cali, Northern Florida, Belize, Central America (our homeleand), and we lived in Northern Cali. My grandma mostly stayed with my two aunts (in two different houses) who lived in Southern Cali and she would always complain about being there so they would ship her off to Belize (where she loved it), but my uncle could never afford to keep her. We would get my Grandma very rarely and she wouldn't stay because we never had the proper housing. My aunt in Florida would keep her, but because my aunt had to work all day it wasn't a good situation.

Finally my oldest aunt in So.Cali got fed up in 2006 (after ten years of rotating my Grandma around who had a heart attack in 2000 with my other aunt who's daughter refused to take my grandma to the hospital or call an ambulance) and tried to put my grandma in a elderly home close to her. My grandma ended up having a panic attack and refused to get out the car when they pulled up. Paramedics were called to the scene.

My mom decided to go get her and for 2 wonderful months my Grandma enjoyed the Northern Cali spring/summer. Her final month of life was spent in the hospital where she finally passed away from complications of congestive heart failure.

In my opinion my Grandma should have been put into an elderly care facility in Belize where she was so happy. After her heart attack though that couldn't be an option since the healthcare system in America is better. My grandma died so unhappily however at the age of 82 that I would have rather seen her die young in her native land than die old somewhere she hated.