Atheist mom contradicting religious teachings.......?

Question

We are atheists, but my children attend a church with their grandparents, exploring other religions makes for a well rounded decision later in life so I say.

My kids ask if I believe in god or if I love Jesus, and I simply tell them that I don't believe in god, but that I do believe that there once was a man named Jesus who was born to a woman named Mary with a husband named Joseph. I tell them that I believe that Jesus had great ideas and that his teachings were wonderful and that he was crucified for thinking in a way that that was considered "outside of the box" at that time. I let them know that same things happen these days, people think differently and are "crucified" for it, but that these people are crucial for life because change always comes with rebellion, and without that little boy Jesus being born things could be VASTLY different today.

The girls grandparents take issue and accuse me of brainwashing the kids, which seems so hypocritical...short continuation.......

Answer 1

My opinion is that churches have their own agenda and are one sided.  I would never use them as a teaching tool.    They are your children..you should teach them  when they can fully understand these things.  If they are small..they are more susceptible to brainwashing.  When they are old enough...explore the basics with them.

Answer 2

Jesus was either the son of God or a very big liar. There is no in between. You walk a thin tight rope trying to come down on all sides of the issue.

Your situation reminds me of a survey of religions course I took in college. Each session was a different religion, and you could swear the prof believed whichever religion he was lecturing on that day.

As for the grandparents, tell them they need to choose. They can continue to take the kids to church and allow you to teach them anything you see fit as their parent. OR they can stop taking the kids to church. Period. You're the parent so you have the final word.

Answer 3

You have the right to teach your children your beliefs.  If anything, the fact that you allow them to attend church with their grandparents shows your children that you value openness and respect of beliefs that differ from your own.  But you still have the right to teach them what *you* believe.

If you don't have that right, then no one has the right to raise their children in any religion or worldview.

Answer 4

I belive you should sit down and talk to these people. And explain to them what you just said to us about how you have never said they have brainwashed...etc... So good luck!!

Answer 5

I applaud you for not pushing your beliefs on your children. It is great to allow them to choose their own beliefs for themselves.

The grandparents probably just disagree with your beliefs and teachings and want their grandchildren to follow what they believe in.

Answer 6

I personally think that is awesome that you are letting them explore religion on their own, to hopefully make a great decision later in life about beliefs. That is my plan with our children. The only issue I have thought about though is basically what you re going through now.

I grew up in a god believing but not church going or religious home. My grandparents did go to church, and often I would too. The main part about church that I remember is the hypocrisy, not any teachings, they would sit in church and immediately go out with their friends and gossip about this person, and that person for one reason or another.

With that said, I have told my husband that I would prefer our children not attend organized religious activities because while some can be solid education experiences most aren't, personally I've only ever heard of one.

We have agreed that while the kids will have a choice, I would like them to get an understanding of the history behind religions. I took a few Religion classes in college, and it was of course history based which is what I think the main focus should be, then if they choose to follow or further explore a religion they know the origin and will get more than just what one or two people want to interpret out of a book at them. I really enjoyed the classes and by taking them I have become more confident in knowing that religion is not for me, as history has shown that it's just a way to promote hate or hipocracy, and control the masses. The kids may get a different take on it though, and if they choose to believe in something then great, I will support them.

So.... after that rant, the grandparents. I would just sit down with them, and maybe your kids if they understand. This way it doesn't turn into grandparents trying to 'save' the kids, and you looking like the bad guy for not agreeing. It seems like they are promoting intolerance (another reason I will avoid organized religion) and it could be very confusing for kids trying to learn in undrstand. I would simply say that you appreciate them taking the kids and letting them experience that but they need to understand that just because they believe one thing and you don't doesn't make either of you wrong, and the kids need to be able to find their own way.

Sorry for the rant but having grown up in the South, Bible Belt, religion is usually shoved down your throat with little explanation and you are just supposed to follow. It was always very confusing as a child because I am not a blind follower but it took me until college and being educated to speak up and voice the concerns about religion that I had for so many years.

Answer 7

tell them to MYOB (Mind Your Own Business).  Seriously, they're you children, who cares what the grandparents think.  (i know, i know, it's hard not to care).  I would just be simple and straightforward with the grandparents and say, for the record, i do not brainwash my children, i am offended you would even say such a thing. as we move forward, you need to understand that these are my children and while you are entitled to your opinions, please keep them to yourself.  I will raise and teach them as i see fit.

I can't tell how old your kids are, but, i would just keep it simple when you're explaining stuff to them. They WILL get confused if everyone is giving them different information, so maybe YOU should take them to different churches instead of the grandparents.

Answer 8

I think the problem is this: When your children go to church with their grandparents, they are being taught that Jesus was the son of God, and that he died for their sins and was ressurrected. Not that he was just a great guy. So it is sort of an all or nothing thing. In the interest of full disclosure, I am a Christian. I was brought up agnostic in a very well-educated ("show me the proof") family. My mother was a non-practicing Catholic, my father was a non-practicing Muslim, my stepfather a non-practicing Jew--bordering on an atheist. I grew up feeling detached, unrooted, searching and lost. I knew a lot about many religions but I didnt feel any family support or connection to any one in particular. Its hard for me to put it into words, exactly. But the best way would be to say that I felt that something was missing although I wouldnt have been able to describe it to you that way at the time.

Anyway, I am now a Christian, my husband is a Christian and we are raising our three children as Christians. Okay, so that being said, let me go back to what you were saying before...

I think the problem is going to be that your kids are learning that Jesus was fully human and fully divine. That he was not just a good man with some good ideas.

In fact, I don't know how familiar you are with CS Lewis and his writings, but he wrote many many essays on Christianity. And one of his positions, that I and many others agree with, is that Jesus had to be one of three things. (I will do my best to sum it up, but please find his writings) Either he was

1) Exactly who he said he was, i.e., the Son of God, or

2) he was insane and delusional, or

3) he was probably the most evil liar the world has ever known.

If we think about #2, we would have to believe, and psychologists would agree, that his insanity would manifest itself in all areas of his life. He would have appeared insane and delusional to others all the time, not just when he was preaching or when he was not preaching. There is no evidence at all that anyone considered him mentally ill or insane at all. And there are many historical references to his existence and ministry in literature outside the Bible where any mental problems would have been documented and shared.

#3 is that he was a horrible liar. Because if he wasnt insane (believed he was the son of God when he wasnt) or really the actual Son of God, then he must have known what he was saying was a lie. And people died believing his lie. Actually, Jesus himself would have willingly died for a lie that he was perpetrating. Which, for me personally, is impossible to believe. Not only that, but the diciples claimed to have witnessed the ressurection. All of them but one ended up dying a horrible death rather than recant their insistance that they saw the ressurrected Jesus. If Jesus was a liar and they knew it was a fraud, why would they die for it? Why would anyone die for something they knew to be a lie? Its something to ponder, at any rate.

Which leaves option #1. That Jesus was who He claimed to be.

What your children are learning in church is option #1. There is no option that he was just a great man. He was either a lunatic or a liar, according to C.S. Lewis and others. A great man wouldnt purposely perpetrate the worst lie in history. An insane man would not have been able to "pretend" to be sane with no one noticing and remarking on his mental illness.

I think the problem for your children and their grandparents is that they are embracing option #1, and you present another option that they cannot accept. There really are no other options other than #1,#2 and #3, as far as I can see.

I hope this didnt come off as preachy or judgemental. I was trying to be very straightforward because I can tell you care about your childrens. You certainly have a right to your opinion about God. And I actually admire you for allowing your children to attend church with their grandparents.

I can understand the grandparents concern, but I hope and imagine they are grateful that they are being given an opportunity to expose your children to the love of Christ.

I wonder if perhaps when your children ask you if you believe in Christ's ressurection, you could say, "You know, I'm not sure. I just don't know. Maybe you could pray for me about it." I think it is honest and at the same time respects your children's belief system.

Thanks for reading this far. I didnt plan to write so much!

Serena

Answer 9

i also do not believe in god but am not putting it on my children. my father takes her to church every other sunday and she loves it, she loves being a christian. dont listen to what others have to say. as long as you do not push anything onto your children they will believe in what they feel is right to believe according to them. your doing fine.

Answer 10

I do believe the grandparents are not being very understanding of the situation.

I am proud of you for letting your children learn about Christianity, even though you don't believe. Often times parents are very narrow minding and think they are always right. It can't hurt for them to learn and make their own decision later.

I think you and the grandparents need to sit down and talk about it.

Answer 11

" exploring other religions makes for a well rounded decision"

i couldnt agree more.  so when will your children be worshipping at mosques and synagogues?

unless of course your intention is to do an end run around the mother's intent and program the kids with christianity, which honestly sounds like thats exactly what you are doing with all the jesus (and jesus only) c**p