Atheists, what do you do when you know you did something totally wrong and you feel really guilty about it?

Question

Okay so, when I was a Christian, I used to say totally wrong things and make fun of people and I knew it was wrong, but once I prayed for forgiveness I totally forgot about it. Well now I'm an atheist, and the other day I said something EXTREMELY politically incorrect and I feel really guilty about it, but I don't know what to do! Like, what do you do when you say something really wrong? It's not like when you make fun of a person, because you can just apologize to the individual, but I said something wrong about an entire group of millions of people, where do I go from here so I don't feel guilty about what I said anymore?

Answer 1

Christians appologise to god out of fear of punishement (h**l), Atheist appologise to the person they've offended out of decency.

Answer 2

What i do is that i try and be a better person and learn from those mistakes, an  apology can only say you are sorry but cannot undo the harm that was done, it just doesn't  erase the past.

If you know now prayer wont be the answer one can only live with one mistakes and try to forgive onself for all our wrong doings till we make peace.

Answer 3

You can talk to anyone you think might have been offended by your statement and apologize.  You don't need to apologize to the people whom the joke was about, just the people that heard it that you think took offense.  

I could say some horribly offensive things, but if I'm alone when I say it, then it doesn't matter.

Answer 4

Do whatever you can to make it right. Since you might not be capable of apologizing to every member of the group you feel you insulted (I don't know what you said so all I have to go on here is that you feel guilty), you should look for something else you can do. Maybe you can donate to or volunteer with a charity that helps that group or that that group runs. You can educate yourself more about the group and vow never to say something bad about them again (note: that doesn't mean you have to agree with everything they say or do. There's a difference between disagreeing with the things people say or do and just saying bad things, like...."all members of Group X are stupid," or whatever). You can use that self-educating to speak up whenever you see other people being racist/sexist/whatever is relevant to your situation (do this by saying, "Hey, I'm offended, that's rude," not by trying to represent the group or taking the somewhat weaker approach of "That's offensive.")

The point here is to learn from your mistake. Learn why what you said is wrong, if you don't already know. Learn why it makes you feel guilty. Learn ways you can contribute to making the world a better place for everyone. But don't stress out about it too much because that won't get you anywhere either.

Answer 5

There's only way to set that straight:  you right your wrong

Answer 6

If you know you were wrong, don't repeat that again. When opportunities arise, say the right thing and apologize for what you said was wrong. After all, you answer to your own conscience. Have a happy conscience.

Answer 7

Well, that is one of the downsides of letting go of gods and accepting responsibility for your behavior.  There isn't anything around to wash away your "sins."  That takes some getting used to.  You'll have to learn to do this for yourself.

In your situation, first you have to accept that you've hurt someone.  Then, you need to apologize and fix the situation as best you can.  You'll have to live with the consequences of your behavior. Can you still be friends with the person you've hurt?  Will you loose their trust and respect.? It's certainly possible.

You'll have to find a way to forgive yourself and then move on.  That isn't always easy.  You'll have to practise the art of thinking before allowing yourself to speak.  I bet you'll probably be more careful about what you say in similar situations from now on.  You may continue to feel guilty for quite a while.  You may cringe when you think about this incident ten years from now.  

Incidentally, you know that h**l thing that Christian fundamentalists are allways warning us about,  the anguish you are feeling right now is the real meaning of that word.

I hope you'll feel better about this soon. I wish you peace.

Answer 8

I know what you mean. I just remind myself its not okay to say things like that and I make a mental note never to say it again. Theres nobody to apologize to, thats the fact of the matter, forgive yourself and move on.  

Answer 9

A. say sorry to the person I insulted or harmed

B. I will try to learn from my mistake .

C.move on .

Answer 10

Political incorrectness is not necessarily anything wrong since most of political correctness is wrong.

Answer 11

You have done the first part, you admitted it.  Now forgive yourself and don't do it again.  Prayer for forgiveness is really just to help one forgive themselves, now you have eliminated the middle man.  

Answer 12

So what do you think is the difference, now that you are atheist?  Obviously you don't believe it was forgiveness from a god that made you feel better before, if you don't believe in gods.  So the release came from within.  You can still meditate, contemplate, or whatever you want to call it.  Like prayer but directed inward.  Take some time to think about what you did, feel the pain of it, and resolve to not do it again.  I think you'll find it has the same effect.

Answer 13

You know the answer, go back to Christ, he never left you.

tGod bless

Answer 14

Educate yourself on the history of it, why it's politically incorrect now, and resolve never to do it again.

Never doing it again is better than a hundred apologies.

Answer 15

You learned from your mistake.  Move on and try not to let it happen again.  You obviously can't apologize to millions of people, but you also didn't offend millions of people.

I have a feeling your trying to prove a point, but I answered the question as if it was legit.

Answer 16

repent and pray for Jesus to come into your heart....

REAL Christians dont leave....they are born again!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 17

I apologize and TRY to correct the error...  if not possible, learn from it and don't do it again...  move on...

*Edit*

And I got a TD for that?  sheesh, you just can't make some people happy...  but it's the truth...

Answer 18

Write down what you said, then tear up the paper and put it into a brown paper bag.  Twirl the bag around your head and cluck like a chicken.

Answer 19

I make a promise to myself not to do it again and make amends by being a better person.

I don't usually feel guilty about not being politically correct though...

Answer 20

Wait, why do you even need to do anything? Guilt is just a leftover from religion. You haven't done anything truly wrong; you have just behaved in a way that your particular upbringing identifies as unacceptable behavior. You should well know that the action itself is not objectively right or wrong; who is making the judgment?! Certainly not god or some para-human intelligence. Rather, you are making the judgment yourself, subconsciously, based on beliefs that you no longer accept.

Your actions were no more wrong than Christianity was right.

Of course, as an Atheist you might adhere to this or that philosophical ethical code but, at the same time, you should realize that this is a self-imposed code, not one that exists outside of your own mind. You are free to accept or reject it as you will.

So then the truth of the matter is revealed; you did something that you consider to be wrong. Thus, in order to not feel guilty, you must appease your own mind, not someone else.

Now to put yourself as ease this might require talking to someone about it, maybe “apologizing.” But that is just a psychological phenomenon; you are appeasing your own ego, nothing more. You haven't done anything objectively wrong, so you have no reason to feel guilty, so you have no reason to apologize. You be better off just teaching yourself not to feel guilty about things that don't matter (and, of course, what doesn’t matter is what you decide doesn’t matter).

But if you are going to be an atheist, you can't hold onto religiously tainted dogmas like guilt and right or wrong. You get to decide what is “right” for you and what is “wrong;” ideally you'd be determining these things based on objective reason and logic, not human superstition and some fantastical belief that there is some metaphysical standard that human behavior can be measured against.

As long as you believe in right and wrong, you still believe in God. Thus either you should give up the belief in right and wrong, or you should give up acting like an Atheist. If nothing else, be true to yourself.

EDIT: I noticed that a lot of people are telling you to use your guilt to make you  a better person. I am curious, then, what a better person would look like? Who is determining this ideal that you should be aspiring to, and why should you aspire to it? Again, that is a holdover from religion.

You are who you are. You might decide to change yourself; that is all fine and good, but better yourself? Again, that is assuming there is some ethereal criteria that humans can be held to. You can't better yourself because there is nothing wrong with your current self. At best you might desire to change yourself to be more fitted to a certain situation, but in doing so you will be ill fitted to other situations.

And so again I must recommend, be true to yourself. Either give up on the idea of right and wrong, or stop being an atheistic poser.

Answer 21

There's a concept in buddhism called "Honnin Myo". Literally, "from the manifest, into the unmanifest." Interpreted, it means "from this day, into the future."

We cannot change the past, we can only endeavor to make the future less like the past. Learn from your mistake, and don't do it again.

Right-thought, right-action.

Answer 22

Well, you could start by thinking for yourself and using some common sense.

Answer 23

That I did something totally wrong? I actually took a stand to eliminate all guilt and remorse from my life a few years back. Even before I figured out I was an atheist. I am trying to think of some big bad I did recently. Maybe snapped at a few family members recently when i quit smoking cigarettes. I have been a tad irate.

What did I do, apologize. What else would somebody do? That is really all one can do when they wrong another.

Answer 24

I try to right my wrong

why do you pray to god to do it for you?

because that's what most god-aholics do, that's why they're so evil

Answer 25

nothing you can do

Answer 26

Guilt is your mind's pain - it means you did something wrong.  There is no magic trick to make yourself feel better.  Part of being an atheist is realizing that no one is going to "make it better" for you.  

The guilt will fade in time.  Until then, use it to improve yourself.    

Answer 27

Okay, fair enough, you can't say sorry to millions of people. But then again, are they ever going to hold you accountable, considering they will never know?

You have to think about how much harm you've actually caused. You said something, and you regret saying it. The punishment you are putting yourself through is retribution enough for this small thing.

Those millions of people are hardly going to be harmed by something you said. Things would be somewhat different if you were an international celebrity, and had said it in full coverage. In that instance, not only would it have harmed all those people, the opportunity for apology would be bigger.

((((hugs))))

~Loving Light~

Answer 28

that's the funny thing about atheists and christians....atheists have faith in themselves to make it right and to learn from mistakes. christians depend on someone/something else to make it better for them.

you aren't perfect nor is anyone else. it happens, if deep inside you feel bad about doing it, don't do it again and move on.

Answer 29

I say sorry to the person(s) I wronged. Not to some god.

If it's to a group of people I don't know and won't see again, then as sorry as I am, I conclude that I cannot make it up to them and I let it go at that. No matter what you do you cannot change the past, but you can learn from it. Don't make the same mistake twice and you'll be fine.

Depending on the severity, I may try to make up for what I did.

*shrug*

EDIT: So the deal is you made a joke about a certain type of people. Well, like the saying goes what people don't know won't hurt them. Meaning you didnt directly do something against each one of those millions of people especially when 99.9% of them don't even know you exist. No point in dwelling on stupid things like this. Just a waste of time and effort.

Answer 30

Well, see, here's the thing.

You would insult someone, and then pray for forgiveness from THE WRONG PERSON!

Where did you make this joke? Apologize to the people you made the joke to.  And if the person doesn't care, then why should you?  You cracked a joke, big deal.  If you didn't insult anyone with the joke, who cares?

2 g*y men and 1 straight are leaning against a post, one's atheist, one's pagan, the other is wiccan.  Which one was smoking, which one was burning, which one was hot?  

Oh no, a joke.  (only reason i said that is because I found myself in that situation once, and we all started cracking jokes about ourselves)