Attached parenting or "let them cry it out"! Which is better? confused.?

Question

I am drawn to the attached parenting thing. However, she likes a nap mid morning, mid afternoon and 7 in the evening . It is very hard to lay there with her till she falls asleep (then I put her in the crib and she wakes up and cries every time) esp. when there are things I need to do.

It is breaking my heart because I don't know which side is the best!

Answer 1

As a baby under 6 months....I'm all for attached parenting. It just feels right to me and crying it out, doesn't.

6months+...you should know they're cries by now. Comfort when its needed and if they're just crying, or still crying after all their needs are met and comforting doesn't help, or makes it worse; tell them to go lie down or put them in their crib and let them cry for a bit, check on them and try to calm them every 10 minutes.

Answer 2

read about the ferber method! it works! 12 mos. old is plenty old enough to learn to soothe yourself! if her crying bothers u , put on headphones. establishing good sleeping habits is crucial in your childs development.

Answer 3

Definitely let them cry it out!  

Answer 4

There is no one 'best' way, especially when dealing with sleep issues in a toddler.  There are certainly lots of BAD ways ... but nothing that is always best.  If you are comfortable with a limited CIO method, go for it.  If not, then stick with what you're doing. Neither one will do her any harm.

Answer 5

why would you let your child cry it out? your job as a mom is to be there to comfort them. also a happy baby is a secure baby moms who let their babies cry are making their babies insecure and unhappy.. don t do that. follow your heart you know which is best for your baby..

Answer 6

Let them cry it out!

Answer 7

Let them cry it out.  It's their first lesson in becoming independent!

Answer 8

my mom never let my sister and i cry it out. she always felt that if we needed comfort, then she as a mother would give it to us. so whenever we cried, she was always, we turned out to be pretty good people too if i do say so myself

Answer 9

This totally depends on the situation - only you know which way to go with this one.   God Bess.

Answer 10

Attachment parenting does not mean you have to lay with your children to get them to go to sleep, it just means that you do not leave them crying by themselves for any period of time over a couple of minutes.

My daughter has been causing me grief lately at bedtime.  She's 16 months old.  She cries and screams when I put her to bed.  This is a new behaviour, but is driving me crazy!!  What I do is go into her room, check her diaper, and change it if necessary.  Then I give her a hug and a kiss, and tell her "night night, it's time to go to sleep".  I put her back in her crib and sit in the rocking chair beside her crib and sing to her until she falls asleep.  The first night, it took 2 hours (last week), last night it took 45 minutes, so we are making progress.

Good luck!

Answer 11

Every situation is different by at bedtime crying it out worked because now my son just lays right down and goes to sleep because he knows I will not take him back out to rock to sleep.  He has gone to sleep without me holding him since about 8 months.  Now at 12 months he is a pro.  Crying it out worked for me.  

Answer 12

Do you believe your baby to be a capable being?  It is only because you have never given her the opportunity to fall asleep on her own that she does not possess the ability to do so.  She can feel as safe and loved sleeping on her own as she can feel while sleeping strapped to you.  It's the message YOU give that let's her know she is safe.  This message is delivered by body language, facial expression and softly spoken words.

Lie her down while she's awake. Place your hand on her tummy and rub her forehead in a downward motion over her eyes. Talk to her and tell her it's time to sleep. Look away from her face while she's drifting off,but be there with your body presence. Routinely use a lovey (cloth or soft toy) for her to hold as security. If she wakes prematurely,she can reassure herself with its presence. Be sure not to wait until she is overly tired to put her down, it will result in a battle. Be consistent and always use the same routine.

Refrain from rocking her. She can do it on her own. Let her try.

Answer 13

A healthy balance between the two.  Sometimes you pick them up and comfort them and sometimes for your own sanity you have to let them cry it out.  I don't believe in either extreme.  I've always used a healthy combination.

If you pick them up every time there is a whimper then it will be hard for them to learn to self soothe in the future.  But if you let them scream and cry for long extended periods then that is also unhealthy.  If your baby will not stop crying and all physical needs have been met and you have attempted to soothe and the crying persists, it's ok to let them cry it out.  You'd be surprised at how often the problem is that they were over-stimulated or tired.

Answer 14

It really depends on the age of the child, what your comfortable with and what works best for you. We used to attend to her every cry night but at 9 months old and still getting up 3 times a night our doctor said time to make her cry out. At her first cry I would go in change her and make sure she was okay  and put her back to bed.He said not to feed her because she didnt need that middle of the night feeding she was only doing it because I would get up and give it to her and she knew it. We let her cry it out after that and in a few days the problem was solved and she slept all night!

Answer 15

I think let them cry it out because they need to know how to self sooth at put them down.   If not you will be having a 3 year old that can't sleep without you.   I started from the time they were about three or four months putting them down still awake. I come in if they sound really distressed or every 15 min.    I soothe and lay them back down but they need to fall asleep on  their own. My  2 year old is in a  twin bed with no rails and i can put her down read a story and leave the room.  She does not cry or have any issue because we started from so young.  

Answer 16

the only thing you can do is follow your heart on this one.  If you feel uncomfortable with letting your child "cry it out" for you than do the attached method.  If you can handle it then be consistent with it.  if you go back and forth between the two you will only confuse your child.

Personally, I couldn't stand letting them cry it out.  I know when I cry i get one h**l of a headache, my throat hurts, my eyes are all itchy and puffy, I just couldn't  see putting my child through that all out of the want of comfort.  All five of my kids were done the "attached" method.  I've never had any spoiled tantrums that I couldn't handle.  But I know that my child isn't crying herself to sleep.  She falls asleep content that I'm right there for her.

I found that if I run one of them sleep machines, moving her to the crib is alot easier if there is that constant noise there.

Answer 17

go with your heart. parents who raise their babies in the attachment parenting style are in tune with their babies needs. they are teaching their babies trust and security by tending to their needs and not letting them cry it out. babies who get their needs met grow up to be independent and secure adults.there are many resources on the internet about attachment parenting. bub wont always be a baby. they grow up way too fast.

Answer 18

find a balance between the two which suits you and reflects how you want your children to behave.  extremes of attached parenting produce children who are clingy and incapable of independence or normal social interaction.  extremes of the "cry it out" school of thought produce children who are unable to form close bonds or emotional attachments.

go for an intermediate, using your judgement to decide which approach best fits the situation and alter it if what you are doing is not working for your child.  but don't suddenly flip from one to the other - both sets of kids will react very badly to a sudden change like that!

Answer 19

that totally depends upon you and what you feel comfortable doing. it also depends on the situation, is there a problem or are they just mad? if they are safe, fed and clean, i sometimes let them cry it out. you may never get another shower again if you don't:)

Answer 20

A middle of the road approach.  There are different methods for different ages and circumstances.  When a child is 1 or 2 months old you really cannot "spoil" them.  After that, though, it won't takea child long to try and manipulate you.  Slowly ease into the "cry it out" approach, with limits.  Do not simply lay down a two month old and let them cry for half an hour, hoping they'll get it out of their system.  If they fuss and cry for a few minutes it's not the end of the world.  Stretch the times out a little longer, if needed.  

The bottom line is pay attention to your child's needs.  the difference between crying for the sake of crying and crying out of a real need are subtle.  Only a parent knows the difference.  Watch the signals and if you suspect your child is using you (for lack of a better term), they probably are.  At some point you will have to draw the line, for your own sanity, and let them soothe themselves to sleep.  It's a judgment call.