Attachment Disorder and Adoption?

Question

Last night we were at a parenting class and I asked what to do when my daughter won't stay by me when shopping in a store. They said she has attachment disorder from being adopted. Do all kids who are adopted have attachment issues? We got my daughter when she was just 2 days old. Is it still possible she can have attachment disorder? Do ALL adopted kids get this or just some? I do know that even non-adopted kids can get it too.

Answer 1

Congratulations, it souds like you are raising a normal little girl!  The parenting courses though.....  

All kids period go wonder occasionally.  It's part of their intelligence and their curiousity.  If it were coupled with some of the other symptoms mentioned above in other answers, I'd think about worrying, but instead, get one of those leashes for kids.  That way, they can have a few feet of room to exercise, within the safety of your reach.

Answer 2

All adopted kids have been separated from the person they grew inside of, and the person they were hard-wired to expect when they were born.  This causes some major issues, and almost always results in SOME level of attachment issues.

Wandering away from your mother in the store is a normal thing that pretty much all kids do, though, so if this is the only thing they're basing that "diagnosis" on, they're whack jobs.  

Take some time to learn about how attachment issues REALLY affect adoptees, and go from there.  This is something you need to be knowledgeable about, but I'm pretty sure you can't base it on one incident of your child doing something every other kid has done, KWIM?  Here are some good books you can read:

Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew

The primal wound

Helping children cope with separation and loss

Journey of the adopted self

Answer 3

I would say that any child who is adopted does have extra attachment needs, even if adopted at a few days old, but not every child has attachment disorder.  Your daughter not staying by you in a store may be a sign of attachment disorder or not.  I don't think that's quite enough information to know.  How old is she?  If she were getting into something dangerous, say getting ready to run into the street, and you yelled "Stop!", would she?  When she is playing with other children, does she "check in" with you ocassionally?  How does she react when you leave her with someone else?

She very well may not have attachment difficulties, but I would read up on it to see what you think and make sure you're not overlooking anything.  I would research attachment issues, watch your daughter and do some attachment parenting if needed.  Don't be afraid to get professional help if needed.  Attachment problems are much easier dealt with early on.  And needing help doesn't mean that your child has full blown RAD, it will simply help your daughter have a happier life if she needs it.  

Here's a good link to attachment check lists to check out to help you determine if you think she is experiencing attachment difficulties.  http://www.a4everfamily.org/

Answer 4

From my understanding the Attachment disorder is from being placed in multiple homes / moving constantly and not being able to bond anymore.  If you got your daughter at 2 days old and she isn't staying by you in the store, then she doesn't have attachement disorder - try putting her in the cart while shopping or tell her that if she can't stay by mommy in the store, then she won't be able to go.  Not all kids who are adopted have this, my child is borderline and could possibly have if he would have been moved (yes, even back home to his bio parents) as he wouldn't know if he were going to have to move again.  This is a big fear of my little one - he hates moving!

Answer 5

Whoever made that judement from a simple comment about a child walking away at the store did not have near enough information to do so.  The truth is that any child that is removed from their birth mother - whom they have bonded with for 9 months while in the womb - will have some attachement issues - not necessarily attachment disorder.  Attachment issues can be so minor as to be almost indetectable, up to reactive attachment disorder (RAD) which can cause sever behavior issues.  I say look it up, and educate yourself - because there always is that possibility.

Answer 6

The stores shelves are marketed to display kid's favorites at their eye-level.  Frankly, I'd be worried if your child did NOT want to explore her surroundings, especially at a grocery store!

See this site:

http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/What_i...

Answer 7

i don't have any kids. however, i learned to watch out who i recieve counsel from.  

people from your parenting class are not dr.

Answer 8

my son has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment disorder after many visits to the children's hospital and massive amounts of therapy. My daughter is attachment disorder free.

She is much more likely to run off in a mall then my son. I HATE it when non-professionals label adopted children without so much as meeting them. Here are some symptom of attachment disorders:

-innappropriate affection toward strangers

-lack of eye contact

-severe clingyness

-defecating or peeing not in toilet but instead on floors and walls and other items

-screaming for hours on end (not regular tantrums)

-trying to be perfect

-depression

-eating issues..gorging and stealing food

-controlling behaviours

-triangulating adults

-self harm

-hurting animals

-setting fires or obsession with fires

-lying/stealing

-lack of empathy

-lack of selfesteem (sometimes hidden by what looks like a lot of self esteem. always wanting to be independent)

-not going to parent when hurt, sick

There are many more symptoms. My son had all of them except for the fire starting. Walking a way in a mall is not an attachment issue..it is a kid issue.

Answer 9

She may, or may not have attachment disorder, BUT, it's very common for ANY child to want to wander.  All kids are very curious and have little to no fear.  

By the way, that's what carts with safety belts are for.

Answer 10

I have an 8 year old adopted son and he also has attachment disorder. You can deal with it it just takes time and patience.

Answer 11

i dont know who told you that c**p but every little kid kinda wonders from the cart or mom a little in the store - I know my daughter does, shes almost 4, and i gave birth to her.  Your daughter is fine, and is just trying to assert some independence!