Attachment disorders in foster/adopted children?

Question

I know mostly this site is about adoption, but I'm after some info on attachment disorders in young children. Has anyone experienced this, either firsthand or with a child, and if so can you tell me what some of the signs are to watch out for? I have a very young foster son (under 2), who comes from a background of neglect, and displays many of the 'general' signs of attachment disorder. What behaviours or scenarios would I need to be watching out for with him? Any help is appreciated, thanks.

Answer 1

Andraya's answer will be of most help. But I can tell you that growing up my parents did foster care. It's hard at first because they fear that you will leave them. So, my parents tired to be open and honest with their communication. They hugged them, praised them. They basically let them know that they were in deed wanted in our house.

Answer 2

Your best bet is  to consult a proffestional on this  The orphanages here have people come in and rock and hold  sing   and talk  to  babies  here  to avoid  the attachment  disorder

Answer 3

In addition to some Andraya said, some children with RAD are very friendly and social-to EVERYONE. They have learned to manipulate thru smiling and socialibility but they do not attach to just one or two adults. Also when they are presented with obstacles to what they want they can become very volitile. Therapy can work-especially with a child as young as yours, but sometimes it can fail with this disorder.

Some of the things you can do is to always feed the child (don't let him feed himself), don't have any babysitters, lots of snuggle time (you might have to go slow and lead up to this a step at a time), co sleeping is good (but I don't know how your social service agency would feel about this since he is a foster child), and therapy is wonderful!

Answer 4

We had a foster child that we got when he was 9 months old. He didn't roll over and could barely sit up by himself. I assumed that he had reactive attachment disorder. He would not interact with anyone. He came with his sister and had visits with mom. A little background: mom would leave the kids in port-a-cribs and leave the house. If she had someone watch them it was always someone new. He never had a chance to attach to anyone. During visits she would never talk to him only the daughter. He was held but not interacted with in any way. We would try to do things with him but he never seemed interested in anything. When he got older he wouldn't talk to anyone but me. It was really hard for my husband, who was supposed to act like a father figure when this little guy would act like he wasn't there. They terminated moms rights and then sent him to visits with his dad in prison. I couldn't take him so they had someone else come pick him up and drive him for an hour to this visit and be there for an hour and ride back for an hour. He started to attach to her and then visits stopped. During these visits his sisterwas sent to go live with a family member in another state. He lost his mom, sister, and father figure. The dad got out and got the child. He has been diagnosed with RAD. Gee, wonder why? He talks now but has a really hard time with it. When he was under a year old we tried to get him therapy but they had to have the workers okay and she wouldn't agree that there was anything wrong with him. When he was 2 he would bite himself, hard enough to leave marks but not break the skin. He ended up trying to bite my daughter. He would have terrible temper tantrums. When we would go out, he would scream anytime my husband would move the shopping cart. It was very hard! We had him for three years and it really took it's toll.

Good luck with your little guy. Insist that he get help now. Don't wait until the worker says it's okay.

Answer 5

GREAT QUESTION!!!  More people need to be made aware of these disorders!

Attachment disorders BLOW. I have been misdiagnosed with everything under the sun from bi-polar disorder to being a full fledged sociopath. I have an attachment disorder. The bad news is that people within the spectrum of attachment disorders can have a plethora of issues... the good news is that (in my case anyhow) the symptoms have lessened with good therapy and age, mostly age since I had already lost most of the very destructive ones prior to getting a therapist.

•Intense control battles, very bossy and argumentative; defiance and anger

•Resists affection on parental terms

•Lack of eye contact, especially with parents - will look into your eyes when lying

•Manipulative - superficially charming and engaging

•Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers

•Poor peer relationships

•Steals

•Lies about the obvious

•Lack of conscience - shows no remorse

•Destructive to property, self and/or others

•Lack of impulse control

•Hypervigilant/Hyperactive

•Learning lags/delays

•Speech and language problems

•Incessant chatter and/or questions

•Inappropriately demanding and/or clingy

•Food issues - hordes, gorges, refuses to eat, eats strange things,  hides food

•Fascinated with fire, blood, gore, weapons, evil

•Very concerned about tiny hurts but brushes off big hurts

***EDIT Therapy at a young age can make a world of difference. Be sure to check for a therapist that deals both with children and these kinds of disorders. If any type of treatment doesn't seem to be working (they all take time so don't expect too much too soon) try another approach and if any of the treatments make you really uncomfortable speak your mind and trust your gut. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Patience, understanding and yes, therapy at an early age will work.  If we put the child first, and read body language and signs well, we can prevent some of the more dangerous, adolescent and childhood behaviors.  Don't force anything, take baby steps and most of all be consistent and calm.  A safe, good routine with clear boundaries will be comforting.  Learn all you can about the disorder and behaviors and see a therapist each week with him.

Answer 7

Here are some good links to help you. Thankfully your foster son is under two years old. With two year olds and younger, doctors have found these children to be resilient. Will he let you hold him? I adopted from Russia. Fortunately, my baby and I bonded and attached immediately. A friend of mine did go through this with one of their adopted children and she spoke of several books that had helped them. Tapestry books has a great selection. I think you'll find them very helpful. It's a tragedy that this can happen in this century. Hang in there. Bless you for what you are doing and for not giving up on him.

Answer 8

I really hate the label "attachment disorder"

Is it really a "dis" order for a child or baby to be unable to attach to a stranger? Despite the fact the strangers may desire to be "family" so said child; in reality there is no natural connection.

The bond that we form prenatally with our mothers are REAL and separation causes damage. Humans are not meant to be interchangeable.

Answer 9

In addition to the GREAT info Andraya provided concerning red flag symptoms for RAD, here are some other symptoms you can look out for as red flags for attachment issues.

   1.  Reciprocal Relationships

         1. Disturbances in physical contact/connection with parents

               1. Resists or dislikes being held

               2. Stiffens or becomes rigid when held

               3. Prefers being held with back towards mother

               4. Does not hold on when held (no reciprocal holding)

               5. When held chest to chest, faces away

               6. Cries or rages when held beyond wishes

               7. Gets in and out of parents lap frequently (never settling in)

               8. Likes playpen or crib more than being held

               9. Does not return or reciprocate hugs (remains limp or stiffens up, turns away)

         2. Disturbances in emotional connection with parents

               1. Resists comforting or nurturance

               2. Poor eye contact or avoids eye contact

               3. Does not return smiles

               4. Shows very little imitative behavior

               5. Generally unresponsive to parent

               6. Reaches for others to hold her rather than parent

               7. Not affectionate on parent's terms (when parents ask for affection)

               8. Prefers dad to mom

               9. Unable to give and receive love

              10. Inappropriately demanding and clingy

              11. In infants, wants to hold the bottle as soon as possible

        3. Disturbances in relationships in general

               1. Lack of or unstable peer relationships

               2. Mistrustful of / lacks trust in others

               3. Exploitative, manipulative, controlling, bossy

               4. Inability to feel empathy towards others*

               5. Need to always be in control*

               6. Superficially engaging and charming

               7. Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers

   2. Affect

         1. Flat, lifeless affect (too quiet) / inability to show emotions

         2. Frequently sad, depressed or helpless

         3. Intense displays of anger (rage)

         4. Inappropriate emotional responses -- e.g. laughing when people get shot on TV

         5. Extreme fright at unexpected or unusual triggers

         6. Marked mood changes

         7. "Abnormal" crying in infancy

               1. Cries/miserable all the time; chronically fussy

               2. Rarely cries (overly good baby)

               3. Child's cries sound the same regardless of cause, i.e., cries for food, discomfort, pain, anger, sadness, rage all sound the same

               4. Angry or rageful when cries

   3. Behavior

         1. Difficulty with change or transitions

         2. Lack of impulse control

         3. Consistently irresponsible

         4. Hyperactive

         5. Persistent nonsense questions and incessant chatter

         6. Self destructive behavior

         7. Difficulty with saying good-byes*

         8. Autistic-like behaviors*

         9. Conceals knowledge/skills/abilities*

        10. Accident prone

        11. Poor hygiene

        12. Victimized by others -- i.e. sets self up

        13. Blames others for own mistakes and problems

        14. Enuresis and encopresis - e.g. refusing to use toilet, smearing p**p, wetting or pooping in pants to express anger

        15. Inappropriate sexual conduct and attitudes

        16. "Antisocial" behaviors

               1. Aggression / violence toward others

               2. Steals

               3. Deceitful (lying, conning)

               4. Cruelty to animals

               5. Frequently defies rules (oppositional)

               6. Preoccupation with fire gore or evil

               7. Victimizes others (perpetrator, bully)

   4. Development

         1. Little or reduced verbal responsiveness in infants

         2. Lack of cause and effect thinking

         3. Learning disorders

         4. Language disorders

   5. Sleeping

         1. Physically restless when sleeping

         2. Difficulty falling asleep / fear of falling asleep* / extreme bed-avoidance behaviors*

         3. Talking in sleep

         4. Night wandering

         5. Frequent nightmares and/or night terrors*

         6. Clings to parent when asleep / can't be put down without waking*

   6. Eating

         1. Hoards food

         2. Continuous eating / doesn't know when to stop eating*

         3. Refuses to eat*

         4. Abnormal eating habits -- e.g. eats slowly one day, gulps the next

         5. Uses eating/appetite to control parents (asks for tuna, then says "I hate tuna, or I'm not hungry"

   7. Play

         1. Overly independent play in infants or toddlers / makes no demands

         2. Overly controlling play* Does not accept direction/suggestions from playmates

         3. Disorganized or repetitive play*

         4. Games with abandonment themes*

         5. Aggression towards toys*

         6. Inability to "bond" with any toy*

         7. Cannot play by themself, needs constant direction/supervision or demands constant interaction

   8. Self-concept

         1. Perceives self as a victim (helpless)

         2. Grandiose sense of self-importance

         3. Perceives self as bad and not worthy of loving

   9. Physiological

         1. Chronic body tension

         2. High pain tolerance/overreaction to minor injury

         3. Tactilely defensive -- can't tolerate light touch

         4. Seldom gets sick*

         5. Prone to "autoimmune" type conditions*

Answer 10

I don't know much about attachment disorders, but I do know that some adoptive parents have had success with therapies, that are specifically designed to deal with attachment disorder, Google Infomred Adoption Advocates, while it is mostly for international adoption, there are parents there who have had to deal with attachment disorders, there is another site site, which is currently down called "Soul of Adoption"  but that is another place where adoptive parents have dealt with these same issues.

Personally I would go to these people first and ask them about their experiences, that way if you do decide to go to a professional, you might have a road map and know what to look for.

Good Luck to you and your young foster son.

Answer 11

Attachment in infancy & toddler years is so important to a child's development.  Since your foster son is so young, there's lots of hope.  You'll still be able to catch him now & help him learn to trust in the good of others, trust that others can help him, trust his caregiver to keep him safe.  

You've had lots of good advice here so far - some excellent links!  Start reading.  

My only concern with creating a strong attachment with a foster child is what might happen to that child if he's placed back with his family after becoming attached to you, after learning to let himself trust you.  That's something that I would be sure to talk over with an attachment therapist.  

But, basically, what you want to do now, is back yourself up to infancy with him.  Let him work through all of the steps in the attachment cycle that he missed when he was an infant.  Let him learn that if he has a need, you will fill it - whether that need is physical or emotional.  Let him know that he can count on you, he can trust you to take care of him, while he concentrates on learning & growing.

Answer 12

even though your child my not have any signs growing up, it doesn't mean that the issues are not there. i never knew that i even had attachments issues until recently and i'm 30. there were no signs growing up, but looking back at my adult past, all the signs were there. the best thing you can do is to acknowledge that these issues do exist. i was talking to my a-mom a few weeks ago and she said that she had never heard of adoptees having attachments issues. like they don't even exist.