Attending the wake of a friend's mother

Question

I asked this question yesterday but I still don't quite get it. The story is that a close friend's mother just died. I was close to the friend, but not to the family.

My mother keeps arguing with me that it is more appropriate to go to the funeral, because at a wake, you are supposed to view the body and since I was not close to the deceased, I shouldn't be viewing the body. But most of the answerers say that it is more appropriate to go to the wake and not the funeral, since the funeral is for close friends and family?

Which is more correct?

Answer 1

Wakes are your time to show respects to the family, since there is no service going on.  This is a time for visitation, where you can view the body and/or go speak to the family and offer your condolences and support.  The funeral is about honoring the deceased; there is a service with lots of people talking and it's inappropriate to speak to the family or anyone else.  That being said; if you just want to go to show support for your friend, then go to the wake, becuase she may not even see you if you just go to the funeral.  It would not be considered inappropriate for you to go to the funeral, just impractical if your reason for going is to show support to your friend.

Answer 2

I have two best friends and both their mothers passed away within a year of each other. I attended both the wake and funeral to support my friends more than anything else.

Of the two, the wake is the one to go to in support of your friend. There's a lot of sitting and reminiscing and being there will be a comfort to them.

Answer 3

Personally, I have gone to more wakes to show support. The actual funeral is more appropriate for family & close friends.  

Answer 4

It depends on where you live and what religion your friend is.  If your friend is a close one, he/she would probably want you to come to both the wake and funeral for support.  Sometimes people will go to one or the other, whichever is more convenient.

Answer 5

I would go to both if its a close friend. It just shows more support.

Answer 6

your mom is wrong the wake is where family and friends go to view the body and pay their respects the funeral is more family oriented and you shouldn't be there for the funeral unless asked to attend it.

Answer 7

The funeral is for whoever wants to pay their last respects, so is the wake. The wake is just the viewing of the body. The funeral is more like a service/memorial for the deceased.  Usually at the funeral, you'll have an opportunity to say a few words about the person that passed.

It's all up to you in my opinion. I'm sure you're friend would appreciate it if you go to either service even though you didn't know her mother so well.  

Answer 8

I lost my father about two years ago. I had friends come to both the funeral and the wake. In my own experience the wakes that I've attended and the one we had for my father were very festive. For my father the wake was a party where we all celebrated his life. We listened to all his favorite music, ate his favorite foods, told great funny stories, etc. I can say that having my friends with me for the funeral and the wake was wonderful. they gave me support at both functions and stood by me. I would suggest you go to both. And always remind your friend that no matter what happens in life there are always reasons to smile...

Answer 9

Go to the wake.

My grandmother died last year, all of my friends and coworkers came to the wake. Since none of them knew my grandmother why would they want to be there for her final goodbye?

It's sooo hard for the family when they actually burry the body, there's a lot more crying & it's sooo emotional, I cried more at the church and cemetary than I did at the hospital when she actually passed... that's why people who didn't know them go to the wake.

Answer 10

The wake is not about viewing the body...it's about supporting the family....including your friend.  It's a mingling and visiting kind of event where you can express to your friend and the rest of her family how sorry you are for their loss.

A funeral is a more personal immediate family and really close friends event.  Your mother is wrong.  I don't know if she is protecting you from viewing a body in case this is your first wake, but wakes are public...funerals are mostly private, some are by invitation only.