Attention All Wedding Coordinators: I need you advice. Is my mom being a child?

Question

My dad has been married a total of 3 times, to my mom, my previous step mother and his current wife. I am still very close to my dad's previous wife, probably closer to her than I am to my birth mother, and I would like for her to be walked down the aisle as an honorary guest. Then my aunt brought to my attention that it would seem disrespectful if I slighted my dads current wife if she is not receognized. So I mentioned that to my mom and she flat out said that she would not come. I feel that this is my wedding and I would like to respect everyont within my limitations. Even though I am not close to my dads current wife but it's not as if we don't get along either. Is my mom being unreasonable or does she has a point? Thanks in Advance!

Answer 1

Weddings always seem to bring out the best in all families. The issues that can come up are endless. Though this is your wedding day, and yes you should be able to have things you want, there are some things that you need to be able to compromise on. One being the role of your Mother vs your fathers other wives/ex’s. The mother of the bride is a very special role, and to have her share it in any way with another person is not always a good thing to do. Especially another ex of your dads. Though this person is very special to you there are many ways to show your love and appreciation to her.

The “traditional” way is after the guests are seated you then have the Grandmothers/Fathers escorted down then the mother, and the father will walk the bride down. I really don’t think you should have your fathers ex apart of that. What you could do is make sure she is escorted down but well before the final family members are. You can also make sure she is apart of the corsages as in making sure you have a special one for her as well. I am sure she knows your feelings for her, and if you talk to her about this you might find out she would be uncomfortable doing it as well. I do not see a problem whatsoever having her there and being apart of your big day since she means so much to you.

You have to remember no matter what you Mom is your mom, and there are some things we just have to bite the bullet on no matter how hard it may be. In the end you have to do what you feel is best, but please make sure you consider the feelings of all involved. For you do not want anything such as this to spoil your special day.

Best of luck to you hope you manage to work it all out.

Answer 2

Why not have 3 honorary guests. Its your wedding, you do what you want. Everyone else can kiss your feet. But if I was you, I would have your real mother walk in first, then the ex Step mother, then the current step mother. To them it would be honoring them all for playing a role in your life.  

Answer 3

I agree with you. If you're close to some one that used to be your mother, then you have every right to do something special for them. And you shouldn't have to feel like you're snubbing anyone or stepping on toes because you're doing it.

If a comprimise is the best solution, then try this: have everyone be seated, don't let anyone but the wedding party and you walk down the aisle and right before she leaves, give you former stepmother a special present and a note telling her how happy you are that she came.

Answer 4

It is ur wedding....but u have to care about what they think.u cant be rude and snaughty, u need to care about there feelings!

Answer 5

You may have both your mother (bio) and your dad's current wife escorted down the aisle, not his former wife, your former step-mother. Invite her, but that would be a very big etiquette no-no.

However invite who you wish.....your mother, your father, and his new wife must be seated in the first pews....your ex-step-mother may be seated with the rest of the family-aunts, uncles, and cousins....THAT is the proper way to do it....good luck.

Answer 6

How about one big compromise?

Can your mom and dad walk you down the aisle together?  they don't have to get along but stand on either side and share in the tradition.

then have his current wife escorted by a grooms men and seated as well as his previous wife and a grooms men.

that way everyone gets to walk the processional but mom and dad get the biggest honor,

In the end you tell everyone its your wedding!  If mom isn't willing to come over something like that then maybe its better off.  

Answer 7

I think she has a point. Better to not play favorites here.  

Answer 8

Your mother is being unreasonable. It isn't your fault you were so very close to your ex-stepmother. If you have a special relationship with her, you should be able to have her as an honorary guest. If your mother refuses to come, I feel bad for you, but not the slightest bit bad for her. She will be missing out on your day. Key word being "YOUR".

I don't know where family members get the idea that they have a right to disown you if your wedding isn't what they want. Sorry, but nobody has the right to say you shouldn't do this or that at your own wedding.

I know several couples that scrapped all wedding plans and just eloped because of the selfishness and stupidity of family members, even losing deposits on halls. And that is exactly what it is, selfishness on the family member's parts.

Answer 9

You have to be respectful.  Just have your dad walk you down the aisle on your wedding day.  At the reception you can have your mom, former stepmother, and current stepmother introduced.  By the way it is weird that you dad's former wife will be at the wedding since she isn't your mother.  If you don't want to introduce all of them at the reception then don't introduce any of them.

Answer 10

I think that you should "leave well enough alone" if all these people agree to attend and to "make nice" with each other for your special day. Seems to me like things were "smooth sailing" until you decided to stir up trouble by singling someone out for special honors and attentions. Why couldn't you leave well enough alone? From the outside looking in, it looks like you're on "a power trip" with your "it's MY wedding" attitude. It's not YOUR wedding -- the groom, his family members, the guests are ALL stakeholders in this wedding, not just YOU. Back off on this unless it is your goal to create strife and discord.  

Answer 11

Your mom is hurt to think that your dad's discarded 2nd wife will be treated with the same honor as your mother.

You'd be better off having the ushers escort all the members of your immediate family: mother, father, current wife, granny, aunts, uncles 2nd wife.

Answer 12

who`s wedding is this you or your mother. you need to say to your mum very calmly how you feel and that it is making it even more stressful you love her and want her to be there but would like your stepmother there as well. good luck and enjoy the day

Answer 13

It may be your wedding, but you still have to be respectful and considerate of your mom's and your other relatives feelings.

Being rude and slighing your own blood relative sin public is very unpolite and rude.

Good luck

Answer 14

well you need to think about how your parents are feeling right now.  you want to treat your dads ex as though she is pretty much your mother which is hurting your mother and bothering your father becuase he is no longer married to this woman and while you have the right to invite her if she is still close to you, it comes across as yo uare rubbing her in everyones face here.  how would you feel if your dad got married again to a woman with a daughter and he paraded her around and basically forgot about you...or same situation but only with your mother?  you would be very hurt.  I would really think twice about this.  its going to be embarassing to both your parents if you do this and while it is your wedding, if your going to have no consideration for how others feel then why invite anyone?

Answer 15

I think she has a very good point.  Try to see your mom's point of view.  There is NO reason that the ex wife needs to be treated like family.  She's really not.  She may be your friend, and you may be close to her, but she is NOT your mother.  You current step mother is an extension of your father because they are married, so she should be seated accordingly.  But treating your dad's ex like a mother or step mother is insulting to your mom and your dad's wife.  It's one thing to invite her and ask everyone to be civil to her as your friend, but I think giving her a motherly honor is a very very BAD idea.