Attention Parents!! I could surely use your advice, although if you're not a structured parent...?

Question

I have a huge issue I need to tackle and that is trying to structure my children and my own lifestyle at home. It's crunch time for me because I'm expecting my third child any day now and my two girls-ages 7 and 3 1/2 are all over the place. What I need is a set of staple rules to make them stick by and they have to be meaningful and proactive. I should mention my 3 1/2 year old has autism, however when she's in school she has consistent direction so to all of the parents out there who run smooth ships please help prevent mine from sinking! Do you have any example rules, chores, timetables that actually work in your home? Timeframes for schoolwork, recreational play, tv, meals, bath? I'm a softy I let my kids do whatever and I'm beginning to realize I will bury myself alive if I don't establish something and fast! So please do a good-great-magnificent deed and help a fellow parent out. Remember I love you! lol.

Answer 1

First thing I did to maintain my home was create a schedule for my children. My children are only 4 and 22 months but you can probably work from this.

7:00Am -get up/breakfast

11am- lunch(between then, except at 10am is playtime, from 10-11 we watch sesame street together)

11:30 Clean up (They really only pick up their toys right now or if I ask them specific things, they do it)

12:00 Naptime (Sometimes this is later, but I let them sleep as long as they want since we have no bedtime problems)

I do my cleaning etc while they sleep, start defrosting meat for dinner etc)

When they get up anywhere from 1pm-2:30pm we read stories and sing songs and work on drawing the alphabet (the 4 year old) or other similar things and the young one plays along with us.

At 3pm dad comes home and plays with the kids and at 3:30 the 4 year old comes with me to the kitchen and helps me cook dinner.

I try to have dinner ready around 4pm, but sometimes we end up with dinner at 5pm.

After dinner they play in their room for awhile. (Maybe some tv)

Around 7:30pm it is time to clean up their toys and get ready for bed. Bathing and toothbrushing happens right after. Then nighttime stories and songs, and lights out at 8pm.

I get everything done that I feel is important then I spend time with my husband until around 11pm.

We are expecting another baby on November 1, so I'm not sure how I will adjust the schedule yet, but I'm sure I'll be okay.

When making time frames for television, think about what programs are on. After 4pm or so, disney switches over to those teen shows and pbs is starting to air other programming. So try to make tv time when they can watch something appropriate or pop in a dvd. Just try not to have tv time near bedtime because it can delay when they actually fall asleep.

Answer 2

Create a schedule and stick by it EVERY DAY.  This is the starting point for structure.  Make mealtimes and bedtime consistant, but make sure you give yourself a little wiggle room in regards to other activities.  Also, whatever rules you do set up in your house, make sure you have a standard set of consequences for rule breaking; if you don't discipline the same way every time they will test you to see what you will do.  Also, you have to make sure discipline is enforced EVERY time a rule is broken.  

As far as rules, you want rules that are broad; otherwise the kids try to argue semantics with you "Well sure HITTING is against the rules, but you never said anything about PUSHING...."   Instead make rules that give you the ability to adapt them to a situation.  Also, rules that seem positive rather than negative seem to work better; telling a kid no no no over and over again is just like begging them to defy you.  I've had real success with these sorts of rules:  

Always respect your parents and other adults.

We are always kind and considerate.

We always use words that are polite, kind, and truthful.

We respect other's privacy and belongings.

You get the idea.  It gives you room to adapt to different situations:  "Was it kind to hit your sister?"  "Was it respectful to take her toy without asking?"

It also opens things up to discussion:  Discuss the rules and ask them what THEY think they mean, in the future they will learn to adapt their behavior to what the rules say they should do.

Answer 3

homework done after school. play when homework is finished.  then dinner with t.v. off. after dinner they can watch t.v. 7:30 bath time 8:00 bed time

Answer 4

Never too late to start structure. It's not that hard. Get a white board and erasable markers. Mark each kids name and list down the side chores, (picking up their own toys, straightening their rooms, setting the table, loading the dishwasher) homework, bedtimes. Make it fun and include the kids and let them THINK they are helping make the decisions. (They are too young to set their own bed times so give them a choice- Say 6:30 or 7:30. They have to pick one- either way you win.) You could also have a reward jar filled with small toys- Not CANDY. And let them pick from it when they meet all of their goals on Friday or Saturday. That way they know they have something to work toward. When the baby is born list its name too- but it's only chore would be sleeping. That way the kids won't think you are playing favorites. Each chore would be age appropriate.

Also instead of letting them watch TV before bedtime sometimes it helps to have a reading time with them instead. Gather them around you for 10 minutes and just read or let the 7 year old read. That way when the new baby comes it's something you can all do together. Hope this helps.