Australia will win the Ashes if...
Australia is not perhaps the best side around in the world of cricket. In fact someone who hasn’t seen the side play like they did before would be surprised they were ever the World Champions. Someone asked me if getting Chuck Norris in the side would make Australia win the Ashes. I said, “No!” Australia cannot win the Ashes with Chuck Norris. Not because Chuck is a right winged B-actor but rather the guy is a massive poser like more than half of the Aussie side.
They do not need another poser like him, to further s***w with their heads. What they do need is serious men, in fact they need 11 serious men to be precise. Not cuckoo heads like Norris, but men made of stone, wood and hardened steel.
Bill O’Reilly
Desperate times call for desperate measures and while Shane Warne might not want to make a comeback, the ‘culture warrior’ would. He would also then make a tour diary about his entire experience, a commemorative mug and make Swann look like Pamela Anderson instead of David Hasselhoff.
Rasputin
It’s very hard to kill Rasputin. In fact it is impossible to kill Rasputin, but it is simply too easy to kill Australia. His beard will be an added advantage for the bouncers will get stuck in it, he would not have to duck.
Lawrence Tierney
There has to be someone in the Australian team that the English man look at and wet their pants. Who else can do it better than Lawrence Tierney, mobster extraordinaire, we’ll see if Jimmy dares to sledge him. Tierney will have a Tommy gun hidden in his pants and will blow Anderson’s head off.
Aron Ralston
Australia lacks fighting spirit. In fact they are so bad at it that Johnson whimpered like a girl when he was bashed around the ground at the Gabba. What they need is someone like Aron Ralston, the man who cut his own arm in order to survive. He first had to break the bone and then cut it off, that too with a dull pocket knife. The details are trivial, what is important is, Ralston cut his arm off, whilst Johnson missed a tournament since he had a cat tattoo drawn on his arm which went bad.
Maula Jutt
The great grandfather of http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Shahid-Afridi-c2482, he was the first one who invented cricket. Legend has it that when Maula Jutt got angry he would go green and instead of bowling on the pitch, he would bowl the pitch at the batsman instead. Umpires declared it legal.
Neil Harvey
He was a prolific run scorer and a good looking man. He also served as the vice-captain of Australia for a long time. He once scored 150 runs on a sticky wicket and will make English bowlers seem like school boys at WACA.
Julian Assange
Australians are in need of honest men and it would be refreshing to have one on their side. Especially when Ricky Ponting claims in the Press conferences that his players are in good form, Assange can take over and say, “In reality I just received an email from Tim Nielsen that reads that the player in question is in absolutely terrible form.”
Steve Waugh
Steve Waugh led the Australians when they were good and not anal. Right now they are anally retentive. They play, ball and field like anally retentive people.
Phar Lap
It was said that Phar Lap had a heart bigger than his own body. That the heart actually helped pump phenomenal amounts of blood in the horses veins which made him incredibly athletic. Australia would do well with a horse heart right now.
Mohammad Ali
Mohammad Ali can punch the English batsmen if they aren’t getting out. He would also be handy at sledging, in fact he’ll make sledging rhyme, like ‘dreading my sledging’. Or not
Nathan Hauritz
He fought hard to stay in the side, and then got kicked out. He then performed exceptionally well in the Sheffield Shield to even score a hundred.
If http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Australia-c746 picks these eleven men they will have a chance to win the Ashes 3-1. No, they’ll even win back their loss, so make it 4-1
(These are the writers own opinions and do not reflect bettor.com's editorial stance)
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