Awaiting your comments

Question

The landless one- By Ru Hewage

I belong to no place

I am free

I belong to no one

I am free

The chains that tie

undone I am free.

I do not call this land home

I haven't met anyone that makes it so

I do not call this land my land

This land is a place ,

But it is not mine

This island with its coconut groves

This island with its coral beaches

This island with its hilly terraces

This island with its cascading waters

This island with all its allure

Still hides its charms from me alone

So I watch in envy and wonderment

When those that ache for this place

In shores far off exclaim with envy

I wish I was home!

Copyrights@ruhewage

Answer 1

It's good but I prefer poems that rhyme.

Answer 2

Same as before,but much worse.

I suggest you go to the real poets

& READ !.

EDIT:Whatever you are smoking,

can i have some ?

copyright@lilolwinedrinkinme.

(Donny Osmand)

Answer 3

Wow that's cool! :D

Answer 4

The 1st (stanza) is Ur definition of freedom, which is a bit had to perceive.

the 2nd is Ur justification for not calling this land Ur home, and it contradicts w/ Ur definition of freedom U had already stated.

The 3rd (stanza), is a description of Ur (island),and I'm not sure about "from" in the last line, is it "for me"? or it is " from me"? Any how, the redundancy here is evident, and constitute very weak point.

The 4th ( stanza) could use some punctuations, so not to also contradict with Ur definition of freedom.

I think that U have a (bundle) of live feelings which U couldn't fully express in a poetic structure. May be the only live vision U brought was scenes of the island, but U couldn't manage the description.Keep on writing, Ur warm feelings and poetic talent r there.Good luck.

Answer 5

its well written i like it