Awkward paragraph???

Question

i have a tendency to write awkwardly. my essay paragraph needs help.

will you help me?

the paragraph:

Peewee Gates joined [the army and the war] [after] living a life of hardship in Chicago [after] dropping out of high school. He felt the war was the one place where he would get the same treatment as everyone else. Everyone received the same clothing, the same food and the same [living arrangements,] [a welcome change from the life where he always had less.]

i can pick out the awkward parts but i have difficulty replacing them. i put what i found in [brackets]. my question: could you help me clean it up? mere suggestions are well appreciated.

*much of this was written just to get the ideas out and has not been cleaned to the best of my ability.

Answer 1

Peewee Gates lived a life of hardship; after dropping out of high school he joined the Army and was immediately sent to war.  He so wanted to be treated as he belonged and the Army treated everyone the same.  They were all given the same clothes, ate the same food, and lived in the same type of housing.  Even though he was sent ot war, the life he had now far outweighed the life he left behind.

Answer 2

You're definitely on your way, but it seems to have a lot of run-on sentences. I think this is how I would do it:

     After dropping out of high school and living a hard life in Chicago, Peewee Gates joined the Army and entered the war. He felt like the Army would be the one place where he could receive the same treatment as everyone else. Each person wore the same clothing, ate the same food, and had the same living arrangements. This was a welcome change from the life he left behind, where he felt as if he always had less than everyone else.

Hope this helps you!

--Jamie

Answer 3

I think it looks pretty good.  Maybe work on the first sentence.

Peewee Gates joined the army and the war to escape the life of hardship in Chicago he endured after dropping out of high school.