BM and MOH in bad relationships?

Question

I haven't asked them yet....

My BM and her BF are in a very rocky relationship. He doesn't know if he ever wants to get married and knows he never wants kids. She knows it's her life long goal to be married and have kids.. (obviously, I disagree with them being together, but they have been together 5 yrs and are going through counseling, so whatever)......she's definitely the "always the bridesmaid, never the bride....)

My MOH is going through a potential divorce and right now has a lot of trash to say about getting married (she married young (21), and quick into the relationship (1.5 years to get married, 8 months to get engaged...way too short in my opinion).

How can I ask them, without making them feel left out, or depressed about their own relationships? They are definitely my best friends in the world and I would not stand not having them in the wedding...

Answer 1

Just ask them. If they are your best friends then they should be more than happy to support you and stand up next to you at your wedding. I know that they are going through rough relationships - but have faith that your friends will be happy and excited for you.  

Answer 2

Keep in mind the purpose of people in the bridal party.  The purpose of those men and women are to be a source of support for you and your future husband both during the planning and later into the marriage itself.

I know these two ladies are your best friends, but it doesn't sound like they are up to that responsibility.  Although I'm sure you will be there for them through their troubles, you don't want that kind of bitterness to poison your wedding.

That being said, you know these ladies better than we do.  Can you sit down and talk to them?  Acknowledge their feelings on marriage and ask them how they feel about your getting married.  Tell them you would love to have them there, but you understand they may not be too keen on marriage right now.  Perhaps they would be more comfortable doing some other part of the wedding or just being a guest.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Just ask them. If they are the mature, wonderful friends that you love so much, they will know that your marriage has nothing to do with their relationships, and will be happy to stand up with you on your wedding day. Don't even mention their problems. Just say "I know you have a lot going on right now, but it would mean so much to me if you would be in my wedding."

Answer 4

You would want to be sensitive towards their emotional conditions. Profess your concerns about their situations and yet, tell them how much they mean to you to be there during your wedding. Give them some time to think about it.

I am very certain that they will be more than happy to be your MOH and BM.  

Answer 5

I am sure they want to be there on your day regardless of their own relationships.