BROTHER IN LAW TAKING OVER HOUSE!?

Question

I agreed to let my brother in law (husband's brother) stay with us for 6wks, while he finishes training at the academy near our home. He currently lives at home with his parents (he's 23 years old) but too far for him to drive all the way home every day. He's only been here 1wk and already driving me crazy, he acts like its his house. Falls asleep in the living room, so we have no privacy when I have guests, he uses the computer in my 12yrs daughters room, which I dont like .. and lately he washes his car every friday before he goes home, instead of doing it at home. I opened my home to him and I even gave him our sons room all to himself for privacy, but he doesnt use it until he goes to bed at 9pm!! he's here at my house from 4pm and on, since the rest of the time he's at training!! but he takes over when he's here. I talked to my husband and he thinks im being to picky.. but I dont like him washing his car here, sleeping in my living room (he has a room) and dont like him in our daughters room.. am I overreacting?/ Im not comfortable telling him anything and apparently neither is my husband.. and I dont know how else to do this.. and he's sloppy too so my husband will pick up after him so I wont complain.. I dont plan on saying something other than giving hints.. but it's driving me insane.. plus we have a newborn in the house.. any recommendations on how to handle this?? my husband was the one who offered him to stay and does anything to accomdate him, he 1st let him wash his car here once.. but he's a total smooch!! any advice??

Answer 1

Well since your brother in law can not read minds, unless you actually come out and say it he won't know what he is doing wrong.  Chances are if he knew what he was doing wrong he might stop.  Try to handle these things with a sense of humor like I do.  For instance you can say ' Dude, you need to fall asleep in your own room.  Do you realize that you f**t in your sleep?"  Then laugh.  The next time he does it just go over and wake him up and tell him to go to his room because he is farting LOL.  The next day tell him that he really isn't farting, but you would rather him fall asleep in his room because if you have company over it would be less embarrassing for him should he decide to f**t or scratch.  With all problems I try to approach it with humor.  I get better results.  Usually the person laughs but at the same time they get the point.  Usually while we are laughing I feel better about saying what they are doing drives me crazy.  

Answer 2

Get a back bone and stand up to him. He is a "guest"in your house not a child. Part of everything is the new baby and your hormones are still out of whack , plus your not use to having a long term guests that does what they want and are slobs.

Sit down and tell him these are the house rules and he will follow them or he will be out on his own. Don't give in to him. House rules include no sleeping on the couch, not entering your daughter's room, picking up after himself, doing his own laundry and towels he uses, his dishes, he washes. If he's going to wash his car every friday, then he needs to chip in for the water bill. He also needs to chip in for the groceries too, maybe even some of the electric since he is there using it too.   Tell him these are the rules, if he agrees to them he can stay, if he doesn't, there's the door, don't let it hit him on the *** on the way out. You have to do what's best for your family and right now he isn't the best thing. Put a stop to it before it gets worse and you never want anything to do with him again.

Answer 3

Just tell him you'd appreciate it if the next time he felt sleepy to go to his bedroom and not go to sleep on the sofa in case company comes over and not to spend so much time on your daughter's computer.

Answer 4

Ok, I can understand being upset that he maybe falls asleep in the living room, if you don't want people sleeping on your couch. But, I don't get being mad that he's using the computer in your daughters room.. is it bothering her? If not.. why make a big deal? I mean at least he isn't in your living room. As for him washing his car.. tell him you'll be happy to allow that to continue, as long as he pays for the water he uses.

If he's only there 5 hours out of the day, not counting sleeping hours.. you shouldn't be wigging out so bad. He probably comes straight there after his training because he doesn't know the area or perhaps he doesn't know anyone else to hang out with. Cut him some slack, he's only 23.. and he isn't trying to mooch from the sounds of it.. as he IS going through training for a career.

I'm thinking, you're not so much mad at brother in law, as you are annoyed by every little detail right now. It's understandable though, you DO have a newborn.. and at least 2 other kids if I'm reading your problem correctly. You're stressed beyond stressed and probably feel like nobody understands ya.,. least of all hubby who of course wants to help his brother.

I suggest, since brother in law is there in the evenings, put him to use. Ask him to sit for a couple of hours so you and hubby can get out of the house, away from the kids, away from the brother in law.. and just be yourselves together,. in peace and quiet.

Besides he's already been there 1 week.. only 5 more to go.. and you DO get some breaks from him as he does go home to mom and dads on weekends, right?

Hang in there.. it'll get better.  

Answer 5

I think maybe you're overreacting a bit but I completely understand. My husband's best friend lived with us for about a month right after I had my third child and I set up a room for him and he always slept in the living room and it drove me crazy. I think you should just put up with it. At least you have a timeline and you know its not forever. I was freaking out because I didn't know if my husband's friend would ever leave lol!

It sounds like he's probably just comfortable because its his brother's house and a little oblivious to the fact that his brother isn't living in a bachelor pad but has a family. It sounds like you're husband is trying. If you do want to bring anything up don't confront the brother. Have your husband do it.

Good luck.  

Answer 6

Well if your husband won't step up to the plate,then it up to you.Your are partner of your husband.So you have the right to tell your brother n law the do's and don't of the house.And if he can't comply to it.He can come up with a new plan. Put your foot down. It's your house too.

Answer 7

Unless you are willing to have a conversation with him and share how you feel, there really isn't anything you can do.  You may not be comfortable discussing all these things with him, but I would suggest that you make yourself talk to him about the daughter's room and the computer.  Just explain that you are uncomfortable with that and you appreciate that he is trying to give you and your guests some privacy when he goes to her room to use the computer but that's off limits and if he feels he has to use a computer at that time suggest he try the library.  Other than that, the issues you have are ones you can overcome.  You're not overreacting, but you can get through it.  Don't let it come between you and your husband.  You may not be happy with the fact that your husband isn't addressing this the way you would like for him too, but you've got one week down and only 5 to go so hang in there.  I know it seems like a long time, but you can deal with it and you know it isn't forever.  Just keep reminding yourself every night that's one more day closer to getting your home back.  Try not to get too frustrated with your husband.  He's in a tough spot.  He wants to help his brother out and he knows that it's disturbing you but doesn't know how to fix it without hurting his brother.  He made a mistake - it wasn't such a good idea to let his brother stay with you after all.  But let him off the hook on this one.  Tell him you're going to do your best to tolerate everything (except the use of your daughter's room) but that you will never agree to anything like this again.  Then start marking the days off on the calendar until your brother-in-law finishes his training and plan a special evening at home with your husband and children for the next day!