Baby Trouble! (HELP)?

Question

Recently my friend told me shes pregnant we were never really all that close but she told me & the problem is she wants me to take the baby were both only 16 but she'll be 17 soon..anyways shes planning on running away with her boyfriend again,shes done it before but then she eventually came back home because her mom said she could have the freedom she wanted as long as she didn't do it again! my friend already has a daughter but she doesn't want her other child because she can't take care of it so she said she wants me to have it because she thinks Im the best of her friends to raise it..she said shes planning on how she'll give it to me,maybe drop it off at my door step but call me before & then run away with her boyfriend,I'm really worried & don't know what to do,I told her I'd take the baby but then again I don't think a 16yr old can make that choice for herself,I really wouldn't mind taking care of the baby because I love children but my boyfriend doesn't want me 2! some1 help!!?

Answer 1

give it away

Answer 2

I would certainly get your friend to seek help, babies are not something to be handed around. You have to consider her parent's reaction to their prospective grandchild. As this is a legal matter as such, I would suggest you take a step back nicely of the situation to take the pressure off you at 16 having to make a decision when you are still quite young. Live your life to the full and one day when you are older have a child of your own when you are an adult and able to support it properly. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Try to encourage your friend to use the available community programs to get help. Where's her other child? Could those arrangements be made for the second child?

  Another option that is safe, if your friend isn't willing or able to get help from her parents, is to safely surrender her baby. I'm not sure which state you live in, you don't need to answer, but California has a Safely Surrender Baby law, meaning she can drop off the baby during the first three days of it's life, and she won't be in trouble for doing so. The baby will get medical care, and then the proper authorities will find it a home. Check out this link to learn more about it, and find out if your state and county have this service.

Answer 4

In most states if your friend doesn't want the baby, she can drop it off after birth at a fire station or an emergency room and tell them its for "safe haven". You have to do this a certain number of hours after the child is born though. I don't know what state you live in but if you do an internet search for "safe haven laws" with your state included you can get more details.  At 16, there is no way you alone could take care of a child, you would need TONS and TONS of emotional support. It is very hard work raising a child, and you are still a child yourself. Another option, if she doesn't want to go the "safe haven" route, is to sit down with your parents and see if they are willing to take custody of the child, kind of like an open adoption. That way if she changes her mind later on down the road, she could still be involved with the child. Hope this helps you out.

Answer 5

First off she shouldn't have a baby at such a young age and if she couldn't take care of the secound one she shouldn't have had s*x at all or unprotected s*x to begin with. Your to young to be taking care of a baby. I got stuck taking care of my cousins baby for three weeks when I was 12 years old and I found out how hard it was to actually take care of someone so little all on your own then. I love kids and I'm about to have one myself, but I'm 20 going to be 21 in two months and still believe I'm to young to have one, but I have my husband, who is 35, who is here to help me. He's already had two kids from his first marriage, so he knows more about it then I do. Anyways, since her parents are that way I wouldn't leave the baby with them. Tell her to leave it with a family member that has their head on their shoulders if they will take the baby and if that doesn't work then she should give it to Child Services and they'll take care of the kid and put him/her up for adoption. Again, you don't need to be taking care of a baby at a young age.

Answer 6

My husband and I would love another child! 4 would be great!I am 40...Listen... You are going to need a trusted Adults help! this is a heavy burden to carry on your own...best friend or not and be up front with her, feel her out, then take the baby and tell her you need her  to sign over her rights, and you must get her to name the father also so you can get the father to sign over also, you can tell her you need this because you need legal guardianship. if anything happens you are going to need welfare, food all that stuff, a baby needs to survive , and it is allot... and you wont get if she is not your own baby so she needs to do it legally., you can all TD me but this is the reality! and what She needs to do many others had good suggestions, like the drop off at the hosp, or fire house, in no way do I suggest you raise the baby yourself, good luck....I have young kids of my own...keep us posted!

Answer 7

Honey.... I know how big this is and your exactly right... Your 16! You have so much more in life ahead of you right now. This is an extremely serious situation and maybe you should try getting someone else involved like one of your parents an teacher pastor or older friend. Planned Parenthood is also a great resource for many people in similar situations. I think right now you need to stress to your friend that this is a baby whether she wanted it or not is not the point here but rather that this is a baby leaving it on a door step isn't the right decision. And besides it doesn't work that way not only would she get into a lot of trouble but you would as-well. Child Protective Services would step in and take the baby before you would be able to keep it, its a bad situation all around and both of you really need to talk to an older person who can help

p.s. there are other options besides abandonment. How about adoption? Giving your baby the Chance at a better life is the most beautiful and gracious gift that she would ever be able to give it

Answer 8

She needs to go ahead and find a good home for this baby before it is born. You could persuade her to do this by telling her that most adoptive parents will pay her expenses until the baby is born. I dont think you are old enough to raise this child. You are only 16 and you should live your life and have fun not be strapped down to a baby. Try to talk her into to giving this baby to a nice married couple who is finacially and emotionally prepared to love this baby.  Oh and you might want to let her know about birth control. You know condoms and the pill!

Answer 9

Tell her to find a "Safe Haven".  They will do what is right for the baby, since it sounds like her parents won't be a safe option. And then insist that she visit the local clinic for birth control.  You sound like a responsible friend.  You HAVE to help her make the right decision.

Answer 10

If she drops the baby off on your door step your family will be forced to call police. Eventually you will tell them or they will find out it is your friends baby. She and her boyfriend will be charged with infant abandonment and reckless child endangerment since they left the baby exposed to the elements. When they are found they will be charged and since she will be 17 they will try to charge her as an adult. That means jail time, for the both of them.

Also, child protective services will first place the baby with the girls parents. If you fear for the babies safety tell CPS that. But! You at no time will be given custody of the baby. Your too young. CPS wont place a child with anyone under 21 years old.

Keep in mind foster care is a lot worse then being in family care.

Answer 11

i would tell child services so that they know what is going on and then they can keep an eye out.  they could also help her so that if  she dont want it then it can go to the proper home.

Answer 12

well i would tell her i couldnt because i have to get my education and im not ready to have a child to raise and its her responsibility for having s*x and not accepting the consequenses.

Answer 13

well you could tell her 2 put it up for adoption.

of she could jus give it 2 her parents??

Answer 14

I would talk to your parents about it. They will be able to help you decide, but you would want them to be onboard because otherwise you are going to sink. Also, if she leaves it on your doorstep you have to notify the police and child services because you won't be her legal parents. So you should arrange ahead of time with a lawyer to have custody of her drawn up. Your other options would be an adoption agency, social services, or foster care. But you really need to talk to an adult about this because it is a very intense thing for a teen to go through. You need support from people that can help you close to home. You are also going to need thousands of dollars worth of supplies to raise the baby. Feel free to contact me if you have any other questions! Good luck!

Answer 15

She needs to look to an adoption agency, there are so many couples out there who cannot have children and would be happy to adopt an unwanted child.  If she leaves the baby with you...what will happen is several years later..she'll come back for it and then what?  So better to convince her to go through an adoption agency so that can't happen.

Answer 16

Wow. Don't take the baby and try to raise it yourself. There are tons of people out there who would love to adopt a baby.  I would talk to your friend and offer to go with her to talk to people. But make sure she knows that it is wrong what she is doing she can't just keep having kids and throwing them away, If she is going to have s*x she needs to do it safely so no more babies are without there mom or dad. I am 20 year old single mom  and it is really hard I can't imagine trying to go though school and taking care of a baby. It would not be fair to you or fair to the baby Babies need alot of attention and its not just fun and games it is hard work you need to have fun and finish school and not take responsibility for your friends dumb actions. So talk to her and go with her to find help. How far along is she? my email is [e-mail] if you have any questions just ask.

Answer 17

1.  Your discussions have many illegal parts to them.

2.  You need to contact child and family services to get the children help - even though she's just pregnant again and has another child.  Both children need help.

She may find another person to drop a baby off at the door.

Again, your friend needs help.

3.  Your friend needs birth control help if she's 16 and this is her second pregnancy.

She needs to learn about condoms to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

4.  Please don't get into trouble.  There are also agencies to help - PRO LIFE GROUPS - IN THE PHONE BOOK, OR INTERNET.

Please get the professional help for yourself and your friend.

GOD bless us always in all ways.

MBA-Boston Univ.

CPA-retired

Answer 18

I would listen to "a little curious" you could get in huge trouble with the state, then you would be raising the child behind bars. Pray to God ask him what you think is best.. she should not be getting in thees kind of situations when she doesn't want to accept the consequences.

Answer 19

I think you need to encourage your friend to discuss her concerns with a professional, it is wrong to expect you at the age of 16 to look after her baby. I suggest that if your friend really does not want her second child that she gets in touch with Social services who will be able to assist her in making the right choice. They won't force her into keeping the baby but they can help her to make an informed choice.

Answer 20

Wow you have a dilema....I am 33 and have a job, a house, I have life experience ect...I would still have a hard time taking my friend's baby.  You are way too young to be involved like that.  No court would legally allow u to care for this child.  Have your friend find a couple who want to adopt.  They will give the baby a great life.  Good Luck to you

Answer 21

Tell her there are other ways of surrendering her baby, and finding loving caring parents for that innocent baby<33 Talk to your parentsabot the situation, they won't be too thrilled. Go to a medicare office, I saw this while trying to apply for Medicare for my daughter, there are brocheres and people there that can help your friend with this difficult and heartbreaking decision.

Answer 22

I am seeing more and more of these questions lately.  Odd.

Your friend is irresponsible and needs to grow up.  You said she already has a kid?  Well, if she has a kid already then she should know better than to have another.  I am sure she knows all about birth control and how difficult it could be to have a child.

If she doesn't want her kid that is HER responsibility, NOT yours.  She is dumping her problems onto your shoulders, and you are actually thinking about letting her!  I mean, you said she is thinking of dumping it off on your doorstep?  Are you serious?

It seems almost like she doesn't want "lose" her child.  She wants someone to raise it for her, and to be a "random" parent.  Meaning, she could come visit and benefit from the rewards of someone else's work!

So, she wants to go out and have fun - great.  However, if she is going to have a kid, then she needs to pick her butt up and stop s******g around.  You can still have fun when you have kids, but your friend seems to think that everyone else should be burdened with HER problems just so she can have fun.

I would definately call Child Protective Services or at least the police and inform them of what her intentions are.  I know she is your friend, however her dumping her problems into your lap is NOT what a friend does.

You may "love" children, but until you are old enough to financially, emotionally, and physically able to support a child - then you are NOT ready for children.  Don't even bother asking your boyfriend to help you raise this kid with you either.  It's not his, and he is smart enough to realize that he's not ready for kids.

If I were you, I would talk to her about adoption.  Although, I still think that is another way for her to escape from her problems.  I would NOT let my friend abuse me like that.  I may be her friend to offer ADVICE, but I would not be there to raise her children for her.  I would cut her out of your life.  She doesn't seem like a real friend at all.

Edit:  You can get into some SERIOUS trouble if you were to take the baby and try to adopt it out.  This would be considered kidnapping and child endangerment just because it is NOT your child.  When going through the adoption process etc, they do blood tests to make sure you are legally the mother of the child.  I'm sure you don't want to get into even more trouble just because of your friend.  So I would strongly advise, NOT taking this child and making HER deal with it.

Answer 23

why would you want to take the baby? just because you didn't give birth to him/her doesn't mean it won't cost as much to raise (time and money).

adoption in this situation would be best. tell your friend to look into adopting agencies quickly, and maybe she can set up an open/partially-open adoption. she needs to do so quickly if she plans on getting her medical bills paid for.

Answer 24

INDENT PLEASE

Answer 25

"safe haven" laws make it legal for her to leave the baby at a place like a hospital or fire house once it's born and not face any criminal charges. maybe look into that.

Answer 26

Well I would not mind taking in a baby. Yet anyways, you should tell your friend to seek adoption, not you. You are only 16, you have a life to leave also. I am pretty sure you want to spend time with your friends, not waking up every night, all night changing diapers. I know, I had my first when I was 15 and my second came when I was 18. Now I am 20.

Answer 27

My dear... "Bitter-Sweet"....

Well...honey...that's quite a difficult situation ... and I feel WITH you...First of all, let me tell you that it's an honorable thing you wish to do ... BUT: I advise you ----NOT to get involved with such a responsible "JOB"...of raising a child (which is not even "your's")...You are way  TOOOOOO YOUNG to take proper care of a child (no offense, but it's a h**l of a job) - so ... I suggest you contact : Child-Protective-Services ..-or- some Adoption Agency... -or- get in contact with the lady "on the East-coast"  who would love to have another child & is MATURE enough to take on the job!!!! I can imagine, you love children, but please.... honey...wait until you are mature enough to have your own !!!

I respect you & think,you're a great friend, but still...I believe, you should not -burdon- yourself with a baby !!! Contact the "authorities" -or- this lady on the East-coast !!!

Wish you all the best for the future ! Greetings from Germany... Annette***

Answer 28

Taking her baby only reinforces the concept that she doesnt have to take responsibility for her actions. I wouldnt take it from her, you arent even prepared for the amount of work involved.

Answer 29

You aren't old enough to take care of anyone else's baby.  As a minor yourself, I imagine there is some law against taking in abandoned babies.  How are you going to take care of it?  With what money?  You aren't even old enough to vote or drink, and are just barely legally old enough to drive!  If she doesn't want it, then she needs to contact an adoption agency to arrange to give the child up.   If she has the baby and leaves it on your door step, what are you going to do?  Contact Social Services about what they can do to help her- and to help you.

She needs to stop having children left and right, even though she doesn't want them.. They are not just kittens or puppies to give away!

Most states have a law that allows parents who don't want their babies to leave them at fire stations, hospitals and other places as abandoned babies without penalties.  Your state may have that law- google it for your state.

Answer 30

Your friend will probably change her mind after having the baby.

My advice to you is obtain as much information from Health Centres and other services so if this does happen you know where to go.

I dont think it is possible for you to just keep the baby, there is a lot more than just paper work involved.

Answer 31

Tell someone, anyone, about what she is planning.  If not for her, then for her unborn child.  Go to an adult you trust: guidance counselor, religious figure, even the receptionist in the doctor's office.  If your friend already has one child, then that child must have been to the doctor.  Call the doctor's office and tell them what she is planning.  You are in no situation to help her yourself, you need backup, and you and your friend need it before something happens you both will regret.