Baby bonding question regarding MIL?

Question

When I go back to work, I am going to need someone to care for my baby daughter. My mother-in-law INSISTS that she watch her while I am away, but I would prefer that she stay in a church daycare. I like the fact that she would be around other children and the caregivers would not have other things to worry about (work, household chores, etc.). Also, I am afraid my daughter will develop a preference for my MIL. I know she is already aware that I am her mother, but it still frightens me. I don't want her to be there for her first crawl, walk, etc. and not me! Also, she does not listen to me when I tell her what kind of things I want for my daughter. For example, she insists I administer medication any time my daughter appears to be in any sort of pain, but I think I am perfectly capable of comforting my child without meds! Babies cry! They don't need medicine every time they have a little gas. Also, she allows her to sit and watch movies, which I am not okay with. I tell her how I feel, but she tells me I am being to hard on her. Am I being mean, or should I just do what makes me feel comfortable? Anyone with similar expiriences?

Answer 1

I think you are being very rational and have valid points. I would also prefer the baby be in daycare rather than your MIL to watch her. She is your baby, you have the right to choose. Just let her know what you decide and she should respect your decision and not take it personally.  

Answer 2

i think your reason of child socialization is a good one, but it seems to me that isn't the real reason why you would select daycare over your MIL watching the baby.  Ultimately the decision is between you and your husband, so don't base the decision on jealousy..figure out what's best for the baby.

Answer 3

I don't want her to be there for her first crawl, walk, etc. and not me!

If not her, would you rather it be the woman at the daycare?  I would much rather have my oh-so-annoying mil watch my baby, then people I didn't know.

Answer 4

Do what you want to do...she obviously doesn't respect your wishes or views on raising your child. You could compromise though and put her in daycare a few days a week and then with your MIL the off days.

Daycare is really expensive, and if you are being offered an alternative I'd consider it. Just sit down with her and let her know how you expect her to follow your rules.

I know you don't want her to be the one to experience all the firsts, but you have to realize she may not...and if she does you could always request that she keep it to herself. (I know that sounds weird, but at least you can feel like you aren't missing things that way.) You could also look at this way....would you rather a stranger wittness all her firsts or her grandmother (as annoying as that may be)?

Just think about the options...the money you'd use for daycare could be used towards a college fund.

Answer 5

I am going through the exact same thing... My fiance and I were recently engaged, but first found out that we had a little girl on the way! My future mother-in-law is also requesting that she keeps the baby.. (not really requesting.. more like stateing that she is).. but I dont want to be mean and tell her NO you cant keep your grandchild.. I wish there were some way that I could really explain to her! I think the solution to both of our answers is where would our baby rather be... I really think that kids grow up more friendly and learn more when they are around other children! Please feel free to email me if you want to discuss more! And if you find a good solution.. please let me know!

Answer 6

you are lucky to have a family member who is willing to care for your child.  And you should be thankful that your child will have the opportunity to develop an extra close relationship with her grandmother.  So what if she's the one to see her take her first step.  Yeah - of course you'd rather be the one to see it, but isn't your MIL better then a stranger?  Also, keep in mind that kids in daycare tend to pick up bad habits & germs.   I think you should take your MIL up on her offer only under the circumstance that she gives no medication w/out your approval & watches no more then 1 movie a day.  Otherwise you are being selfish.  

Answer 7

My MIL took care of my son for me and i was worried about him walking, crawling etc for her before me but he didn't. Your baby has been with you all of this time, he feels more comfortable around you and he will probably be more likely to try new things in your company. Don't worry about that. As for medication, make it clear she can not administer anything without calling you first. And if you want your baby to socialize with other children, how about day care 2 days a week and MIL the other 3?  

Answer 8

If your MIL cannot adhere to the methods you want to use in raising your child, then she should not be caring for her every day. You need a caregiver that respects your wishes and works with you to raise your child, not goes against you. I know it is difficult to say no to her, but I think it would be best for everyone. You will just grow to resent her if you allow her to care for your baby and she does not care for her in the way you would like her to. In my opinion, that would cause more problems for your family than saying no to her will.  

Answer 9

You need to do what you feel is best for your baby.  There are a lot of negatives to day care as well, and this is being said from a person who works in a great one and is very passionate about her job.  Even in a good day care some of the same things might happen...teachers being pushy about medication, seeing all of the "firsts," etc.  If you are in a good day care setting, some of these things ideally would not be an issue.  Also, the socialization is great, but it can also have cons too...more illness, your child may be bitten by another child eventually, larger child/teacher ratio, etc.  I think either option is fine, but make sure you're honest about the pros and cons of each, not just one or the other.