Baby brother taking off of life support?

Question

I'm 17 years old and my baby brother was only 4 and was just taking off of life support on Wednesday night. He got into a car accident along with my father (whom is in critical condition right now) by a drunk driver. Before my baby brother passed he had one last breathe and cried for my mom, I was there and couldn't help but bust out crying. It's hard for me because he meant everything to me; now he's gone and i feel empty! I try really hard to be there for my mom because she is taking it the hardest and my other little brother also (7, but he doesn't really understand what is going on). But I can't stay strong in front of them because i can't hold it in myself.

The drunk driver survived with no serious injuries but a broken arm, leg and some minor cuts. And my family are the ones who are suffering the most.

Ever since my baby brother is gone, my mother feels like she just lost her whole family and she's not being herself anymore... i want to help her but i can't do it at times. How can i stay positive in front of my mother and help her go through this without breaking down?

Any help would be kindly appreciated... Thanks in advance

Answer 1

Sometimes *not* holding it together and allowing yourself breakdown with those who are grieving with you can provide them with more support than you realise.  You mom needs to see you cry as well, and sitting together and hugging each other through the tears can be a way of supporting each other at the same time - and it can help the two of you bond in a new way.  

And, you trying to hold it in won't be good for you in the long run - you need to allow your emotions out right now so you can grieve and mourn your brother before you will be able to go on.  It won't happen over night, it will take time -- and there will be hours or even days when you forget that you are grieving and you 'go on' and then catch yourself and think "how did I just forget about my brother, and have a laugh for a minute?" and you'll be horrified, feel guilty, and have a good cry over it...but those moments will be longer in between, bit by bit, month by month.  

Back to being strong for your mother -- you will have times when you are able to be strong, and times when you are not.  Sometimes you will break down and she will have a moment of strength at that time to help you through.  Sometimes you'll just need to sit and cry and hold each other.  For these first weeks, let your emotions out when they need to come out.

Take care of yourself, too.  After a while when it seems that everyone else around you has gone on with their lives, make sure to find some sort of counselling - be it a medical professional or even just a counsellor at school - to be a shoulder for you.

Answer 2

I am SO SO sorry for your loss *HUGS*

My brother passed away in February of 2006 due to a drunk driver hitting the SUV he was riding in. My brother was the only one that was even injured out of his friends, and the drunk driver was never caught.

I know ALL about the feelings you have jumbled in side. Yes, it isnt fair to your baby brother, to you, or your entire family. I know the "why me's" and the deep hurt and loss you're experiencing.

I want to be as honest as I can with you, so Im going to be. Your mother will never be the same. She will eventually come to a new level of acceptance & coping (and so will you) but none of your lives will ever be as they were before. Time will not wipe away the ache you feel, but it will make it easier to live again.

Until that time comes, know that people grieve differently (some are angry, some are depressed, etc.) and let them grieve the way they feel they have to. Be there for your mother to comfort & sympathize with her, and she should be there for you too.

YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

Again, HUGS & your family is in my thoughts.

Answer 3

Let me start out by saying how sorry I am to hear about your loss and I hope your father recovers. I'm also sorry the drunk driver survived with relatively minor injuries. Perhaps in time, once you've gotten over your shock, you and your mother can work to ensure this piece of trash gets serious jail time. I'm sure it's not the first time this person has been caught drunk driving. I know it helps some families who are affected by drunk drivers to push for harsher penalties for them and perhaps it will help yours. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 4

speechless.

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