Baby issue?

Question

Hello

I'm 20 and my bf is 26 and we are wanting to try for a baby but he had a op in a certain area and there's a chance he may not be able to have a baby but he want's to try. if we can't have a baby together is there anything we can do to help us to have a baby? but we have talked about adoption but we not sure how to go about it. will our ages matter? as we feel ready for children even tho we have been together for 12months but have known each other for a year before we dated anyway that's enough off me going on lol. please can someone help us out or advise us thanks.

Answer 1

Yes, your age will be an issue.  Is it possible for you to adopt?  Sure, anything's possible.  Is it likely?  No.

You, yourself, are not even old enough (in most places) to be considered for at least another year - or until you are 21.  Most people -- birth mothers and social workers -- who are considering adoptive parents for their child, or an available child, are looking for a person or couple who is stable, financially fixed, mature, and (in the case of a couple) married.  If you want to adopt while you are not married it will be EITHER you OR your boyfriend -- not both.  ONE of you will be the parent and the other not.  Of course you can *do* the parenting together, if you wish, I'm speaking strictly legally here.  If the relationship ends, the child goes with the legal adoptive parent - end of discussion.  If one of you did adopt as a single parent (and, yes, it can happen in some places) the other could 'adopt' the child, too, after you have been married at least a year but the adoption would have to be approved by a judge.

Most caseworkers (I am a social worker and have worked in the adoption - from foster care - division in the past) are looking for a married couple that is mentally, emotionally and financially stable.  Both parents working is not a deal-breaking issue but usually it's preferable if one parent can stay home full-time.  You would both have to pass a credit check and very detailed financial assessment, a mental and emotional health screening (sometimes several), a complete criminal background check and personal and work history check.  You would have to have physical screenings and correct any health issues, you'd have drug screenings as part of the physical exam.  You'd have home studies -- meaning they come and look through your home to make sure it's clean, safe, has enough space, facilities, etc. The list goes on and on.  The cost can be daunting, too.  It's not as expensive if you adopt from foster care.  In most places you would not have to pay for the adoption itself, i.e. an adoption 'fee' but there would be the costs to make any needed home improvements (there are always some) and provide all the necessary furnishing for a child's (or children's) living space before you would be approved.

If you can do all of that - you might be old enough by the time you got all that done.

There are costs involved with fertility treatments as well.  Since you and your bf are not sure ("there's a chance he may not be able...") I'd recommend looking into that first.  It starts with a simple trip to his own, regular doctor.  A fertility specialist comes after that.

If you are really serious about having children together -- get married.  I'm not trying to be 'preachy' here but a child, either biological or adopted, needs the stability of a committed relationship (and the legal, enforcable backing) between his/her parents.  You would have a much more difficult time adopting while unmarried, too.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

Get married first. Marriage is the easy part of the commitment to parent. It gets more complicated once you bring a child into the mix. If you're not ready for the commitment of marriage, what makes you think you're ready for the commitment of a child? You're going to be tied to to your boyfriend no matter what if you have a baby together.

Answer 3

Unlike other respondants, I feel you are the perfect age to have a baby.  Female infertility begins around age 27.  Have you tried conceiving?  If you have not, then definitely give it a go.  If you cannot conceive within a year, then you as a couple may be infertile.  IVF may be the answer, as a doc can extract sperm and ensure insemination.  

Adoption is not only expensive (consumer demand has made it a market for "buying" babies and  they can "sell" for upwards of $25,000) but it is very different from having a child of your own.  The child you adopt will always have some connection to their natural family, be it social or emotional connection.  An adopted child has 4 parents, not two, and even closed adoptions don't prevent a child returning to their "natural family" if they so choose.  

Good luck conceiving a baby of your own!

Answer 4

Unlike what one person said about fertility dropping at age 27 you really have no real drop that is significant until 35 and there are plenty of women who have babies much later than that. You should get married before you even think about babies and with an adoption your age will be an issue but more of an issue is the fact that you are not married. No matter what people may think GOD gave us a plan for a reason and you are to be married before children!

Answer 5

your age will probably be an issue. do you have any assets? do you own a home? health insurance? reliable cars? have you ever thought about going to a sperm bank?

Answer 6

in california i think the age u have to be is atleast 23 or 25 and then theres the issue of you have to be married to each other for atleast 3 years....go to google and type in adoption for your state.

also make sure you have a lawyer to look into the adoption agency because there are lots of scams now days with adopting.

and like you said you 2 can try 1st and see if it works out.

it take a normal healthy couple atleast 1 year to get pregnant.

good luck hun and i wish u the best! =D

Answer 7

Your bf can go to a doctor who can test his s***n to see if he is fertile - this is a pretty simple test since they just look at his s***n. . Also if he does have a problem it may be possible to correct it. I would do this first before you spend time looking into adoption.

Answer 8

He should probably get a sperm count done, which is not expensive and not invasive.  That'll tell you right off if he is producing enough viable sperm.  Generally, a family doctor can order a sperm count, then may refer you to an infertility specialist if here is a problem.

If he is not, then the doctor can work to figure out what is causing the infertility and how to correct it.  Nearly half of all infertile couples is due to male infertility, so this is not uncommon.  

Best of luck to you both.

Answer 9

Good luck! If he's 26 and you are 20 than that's going to be an issue in itself.  You havent even explored life yet and there are so many options out there for you in life.  He has  already been through all the years of that,and probabley is more interested in settling down and having children,partically because of his age. You have only know each other for 2 years and have only dated for one, and that to you now might seem long,but it's not...wait until after 3 years of being together, everything will change with you personally.  Dont bring a child into that.  Especially an adopted child. Alot of times adopted children come with alot of emotional issues that need to be taken care of. I'm not telling you what to do, but I myself am 20 years old and have had the same thoughts, but just wait...it will be more rewarding when you're older.