Baby joins or becomes the family?

Question

I saw this quote from a book that states.....

"A baby joins a family - she/he does not become it."

Meaning the family doesn't revolve around the baby - instead the baby joins a loving circle where all are important.

Do you believe this to be true?

Answer 1

Not completely. For the first few months, the baby needs soooo much attention, you can't really ignore it. So, for the first few months, (or maybe the first year) the baby practically is the family, but after that, the whole family shouldn't revovle around the baby.

Answer 2

Yes i would hope so but in any case it;s really different. My daugther is lucky she was intrusted by 2 people who couldn't have children but wanted one of there own very much. Before she came into there lifes they were still a family but since she has been added she has made that family so much happier. So yeah i believe that to be true.

Answer 3

This should be true although in many cases it is not. Take for example a situation where 2 people are only together BECAUSE of a baby. In that case the baby would essentially be the family or at least the cause of it. In a committed healthy relationship the baby still sometimes becomes the family when the parents neglect their own relationship for the sake of the baby. Everything revolves around the baby and other things like s*x and intimacy fall behind. Ideally the baby should join a family and all members' need should be met. In order for this to happen the family will adjust some to having a new baby but everything in the family dynamic will not change. These couples are usually happiest....

Answer 4

i dunno i kinda put the baby first shes not big enough to protect and take take of her self so i do revolve around her right now when she is older i will shift my focus to me and my hubby

Answer 5

In my family a new baby joins the family - we were a family before the child came and are still one after.

Answer 6

I beleive it's ideal. Sadly, too many parents revolve their life around the demands ( and I don't mean responsibilities....I mean demands) of their child.

It's a sad state.

MELISSA- Spot on!

Answer 7

The baby joins the family -- but the reality of the needs of a baby/young child mean that the child WILL have to come first for quite some time -- and the wishes of the parents will have to come second.

Answer 8

Most definitely.  Children are an integral PART of the family.  I love my children, but there are so many other things in life - my husband, my career, my other family members, my friends, etc.  

I've read a several articles on how "child-centric" parenting is quite a new thing.

Answer 9

my mother always told me that my father came first....she said that they loved me, and would do anything in the world for me, and I always felt I was special, but, she and my father came first, their relationship defined our family....their love and respect for each other, and making each other the main concern always carried over for more love for their children...in my marriage, my husband comes first and I come first with him

Answer 10

h**l yeah i believe that!

i love my children dearly, but im still a grown up and i dont feel bad when i dont jump to their every need.

you have to have that mind set, especially with your spouse.  one main reasons why couples fall apart is because of the children.  you HAVE to keep the fire burning in your relationship, or it will start to deteriorate too.

just my 2 cents

Answer 11

Dr Phil said something like this  - children join your life, you don't join theirs.  

I agree with it to some extent that children should know they are part of a family and not the center of it.  They need to know that ALL people are important.  Making the child the center makes them all too important and creates issues of over inflated self esteem that undoubtedly causes problems not just in childhood but in life in general.  

  However, - you have to make some choices based on your responsiblity to your family.   We try to plan fun outings for our kids that we normally wouldn't do as adults (who'd go to Chuck E Cheese willingly as an adult?!>)  And we know we can't go flitting off to Europe on a moments notice.